Would you judge a 26 year old (mum of 2) who casually sleeps with someone who is 18?

[PinkieToeZ]

Would really appreciate people’s opinions on this, thank you

This.

Blimey DH is three years older than me. What does that make me!

Yes.

Wow so all second hand speculation? Even worse.

Haha my life isn’t that interesting trust me!

26 year old women should be having sex with 26 year old men. 27 or 25 year old men at a push. But certainly not 18 year old boys.

Yes. Gross.

🤣 I thought this was satire at first, but your last sentence suggested that perhaps it isn't. A one year age boundary either way? How's that going to be enforced then?

@Devonshiregal of course he was in a position of power. She was 19. He was her boss; Irrelevant of the industry, it is weird. She would not have got into a relationship with him if he wasn’t her boss.

You do a lot of growing up between the ages of 19 and your mid thirties. Your brain is not fully developed. I can’t see any logic in anything you’ve written in your post. I’ve got a 21 year old daughter who is at Uni studying at med school and she’s still as immature as hell. I wouldn’t want her to start dating someone in their thirties either. Similarly if I had an older Son and he started dating a teenage girl I wouldn’t like
it either!!

My point is that if it results in a pregnancy then it doesn't just affect them. It affects the existing children too.

Also you may be "driven by sex" but I'm certainly not. Enjoy it yes. "Driven by it" no..thankfully.

But certainly not 18 year old boys.
An 18 year old is an adult, not a boy.

Usually on mumsnet if an adult is referred to as a ' girl' or less often ' a boy' people tend to lose their minds and be outraged as you can't be a boy or girl and an adult!! People get really offended by that.

So at 18 is he an adult or a boy?

Personally, I think if he is 18 and he can fo all the legal stuff he must be an adult. Sure 18 year olds still have some maturing to until the end adolescence at around 25, but 18 is still an adult.

Hope she gets mature quick before she has a job in medicine and has any responsibility over other people then...

All these posters judging seem to be missing the OP's scenario (even though it's very clearly stated in the thread title). These two people are CASUALLY sleeping together. There's no commitment, no relationship (other than purely physical). For all we know they might not even be exclusive with each other, it's literally just no strings sex.

So what you're actually judging is people having casual sex with each other, because age gap is totally and utterly irrelevant when it's just sex (between consenting adults obviously). Or maybe you're really judging because she's a single mother who has the audacity to have casual sex?

So you think it’s totally cool then that we as a society entrust roles such as teaching children to 21 year olds. Or entrust 25 year olds to be running companies? Or to be soldiers literally making decisions that impact national security? A 26 year old gp? You watch newsreaders who are 27 or votes who are 24 and take them seriously as professionals, no? You see that women all over the world have babies and raise families before 30, yes? But you don’t think a person under 30 ever sleeps with someone with any level of consciousness. Or does their consciousness switch off when the person is older? Or is it that the person has to be a ‘position of power’? So you can sleep with someone who is older but lowlier than you in society’s eyes with a level of awareness but the moment that person is deemed above you in some hierarchal sense, then you automatically lose your wits.

Everyone you want to sleep with is always going to be in a position of power. That’s why they’re attractive to you. The hot college guy, the sexy barista, the rich guy with the fat wallet and nice car, the waitress who looks like an undiscovered supermodel - people WANT to have sex with people who they find aspirational in one way or another. That’s quite different to them being in a position to pressure against someone’s will. SOMETIMES someone is a dick who manipulates someone who is vulnerable. Sometimes they don’t. That happens all day every day in all kinds of situations across all age groups.

But maybe people should just stick to their school years for friendships and relationships - maybe I should tell my old neighbour Doris she should be ashamed of herself and our weekly coffee and cake dates because what possibly could an 85 old woman want from a friendship from someone 40 years younger - she must be a bloody abuser! We didn’t graduate in the same 3 year period therefore we can’t possibly have anything in common and she’s forced me into a position where I believe we get on and that I enjoy her company but really I am vulnerable and she is using me. Good lord I never saw this before!

@Devonshiregal Again, you’ve missed the point.I am talking about the power someone has over someone when they are considerably older and how that is not acceptable to me, when that person is still so young. Christ, have we learnt nothing over the last few years with all the revelations around young women and young men being groomed by famous/rich older men?
Your coffee dates with your neighbour are not relevant. Friendships are not on the agenda here.

@Firefly1987 Just because you’re intelligent doesn’t mean you’re emotionally mature when it comes to relationships.

lol, talk about make an argument by proving someone elses point!

So a 26 year old and his 18 year old mate who works together start going down the pub after work, is that a power imbalance where the younger is exploited by the mate, the pub, the drinks industry or is it just work peers going out for a drink?

How do you know the 18 year old isnt exploiting the mother, perhaps she has LD and he's starting to cuckoo her household?

Whats that got to do with the age difference?

She might not get pregnant, she might not keep the child, she might have got pregnant with her other children the same way, she might be looking to get pregnant and this is her way of doing that.

Humans seek out to reproduce, quite often.

Providing you are discrete and they don't meet your kids then OK but you should consider why you are alone with 2 children at 26 and start to keep life simple for them.

Humanity is driven by sex, all of us to one degree or another, sorry if thats shocking for you, its how all animals exist.

It doesnt mean people walk about gagging for it, but as animals what we do (largely) is seek to access that behaviour even if we dont actually have children from it.

No!

It seems to me that nobody is being harmed by this arrangement. l don’t judge people for what they do in their private lives when it has no impact on others.

The age difference is relevant because they are more than likely to be at different stages of life. Is an 18 year old going to be emotionally ready to be a father and step father to her two existing children?

Being a mum of 2 has absolutely nothing to do with it in my opinion, but yes, I would judge anyone (unless they're the same age) for sleeping with an 18 year old!

Most people can very easily control their sexual urges. It's why we can pretty confidently walk to the shops when we're at our most fertile without a bunch of men knocking lumps out of each other for the privilege of bending us over in the street and impregnating us. We're really not like other animals.

I was asked if I would judge and my answer is that I would have serious concerns about the existing children. Working with children who are neglected, abused and damaged by emotionally immature parents who were lead by their desire to have sex above the desire to parent means that I'm rarely shocked.

We’re talking sex, not a relationship.