Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

604 replies

Idliketobeamillionaire · 09/03/2025 21:03

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

OP posts:
mumofoneAlonebutokay · 09/03/2025 21:05

She is being very unreasonable and weird

Would dd even want to go back there? I'd definitely pack her a lunch box

Maybe they're struggling financially? It's still weird though, surely you'd speak to your neighbour in this situation

Yanbu x

Slinkyminky22 · 09/03/2025 21:06

Send your daughter with snacks if she needs them regularly.

ItsaMeMummio · 09/03/2025 21:06

You need to teach her not to just ask endlessly for food at other people's houses!

You seem to think she is old enough to take herself there and back to her friend's house, in which case she is definitely old enough to understand she needs to come home if she wants crisps or popcorn.

Bertielong3 · 09/03/2025 21:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

mynameiscalypso · 09/03/2025 21:07

Presumably if she is asking for her snack, her friend will also ask for one too and the mother might not want him to have one for whatever reason. I'd be reiterating that she shouldn't ask for a snack and that, if she's hungry, she shouldn't ask come home.

Octavia64 · 09/03/2025 21:08

It does sound like she is fed up with DD asking.

She's probably asked her child to tell DD to stop asking.

Moonnstars · 09/03/2025 21:08

Do you, as adults, not talk?
I would not be keen on sending my child to someone else's house without knowing it's ok, or for a child to be knocking on my door either without being told beforehand. Especially if it's around food times.

If it's someone you are friendly with then you should be able to discuss with them why your daughter keeps asking for snacks.
I wonder if the other mum is trying to cut down on snacks for her family and feels your daughter is influencing her child.
My children never really had snacks, they have breakfast, lunch and dinner (and at weekends they get sweets later in the evening). So again this might be the norm in the other household. If your daughter gets a snack then she can't leave her own son out, however if he then doesn't eat his meal she will be annoyed.

dinmin · 09/03/2025 21:10

Maybe she doesn't want her son snacking between meals! And yes it’s a bit rude, it’s only a few hours. She’s already been told not to ask and why is she asking for these specific junk foody things I’d previously she was happy with toast etc which presumably was offered?

apologise to the mum and explain and tell both her and DD that DD should come home for snacks.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 09/03/2025 21:12

ItsaMeMummio · 09/03/2025 21:06

You need to teach her not to just ask endlessly for food at other people's houses!

You seem to think she is old enough to take herself there and back to her friend's house, in which case she is definitely old enough to understand she needs to come home if she wants crisps or popcorn.

Yes, this, in a nutshell.

It's a good lesson to learn.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 09/03/2025 21:12

Depends on where you live / your socioeconomic group.

We are fairly MC so honestly I'd find snack requests a nonevent and her reaction a bit odd.
I'd assume the mother has some control issues around food / was having a bad day / is going through something unrelated to a bag of pom bears that is making her behave this weirdly.

But my kids are toddlers and yours sounds like she's 8 or so ... and should be able to last 2-3 hours between meals

financial stress is real for many and it may be the mother is struggling with food budget. she may also be trying to control her sons food if he is heavier...
she may also just be fucked off and the endless conveyor belt of snack demands... no one can know...

If you dont want to stop the playdates I'd take a different tact and explain to the mum your dd is on medication and can ONLY eat what you provide (provide a snack box when she goes) do this in front of your dd and the little boy. And clearly tell your dd not to ask for extra snacks

TheFunHare · 09/03/2025 21:14

Some families don't really do snacks. It's three meals a days with fruit or something in between if they are hungry. If that's the case then asking for crisps or popcorn might be seen as being a bit rude.

PriOn1 · 09/03/2025 21:14

Perhaps, in their house, they don’t eat between meals. We didn’t when I was young. There were no snacks in the house. The friend obviously said his mum wouldn’t be happy, so he probably knows there are rules in place. Difficult to know whether the telling off was genuinely angry or more “You know the rules and should know better than to ask.” Did your DD say “Well DF told me to ask.”

It’s not easy to say whether your DD has asked too often, or what the situation is, ut if DD needs snacks, then you probably need to discuss that with the other mum and then deal accordingly. DD definitely shouldn’t take snacks if the friend’s mum doesn’t allow snacking between meals, but you won’t know what the deal is unless you ask.

CaptainFuture · 09/03/2025 21:18

Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast.
Toast may be a snack,.but sandwich isn't.
If she's not wanting to go because she didn't get popcorn, is she only going for the food?
Quite hurtful for the friend!

JadeMember · 09/03/2025 21:18

Perhaps the other mum doesn’t want her DC snacking between the meals. What time was it? If it’s close to a lunch or dinner time, I wouldn’t want my DC snacking on crisps beforehand. If you like the other mum, maybe you should have a conversation about what is acceptable eating in each other house

TimeForSprings · 09/03/2025 21:19

Your daughter is asking for specific things. Are they even snacks they have in the house? Certainly we never have popcorn, and some weeks we might only have enough crisps for planned lunches.

You need to cone up with a plan that doesn't involve your daughter eating her friends families food. Be that her coming home when hungry, or you sending snacks. But her snacking at theirs is obviously going to get tricky.

Original poster
Idliketobeamillionaire · 09/03/2025 21:20

Dd wasn’t like this before starting the medication. Today she had pasta for lunch and a sandwich just before she went and still had toast, strawberries and was asking for crisps within a three hour period. I feel sad for Dd though as she really doesn’t mean any harm and is a polite girl.
I specifically get nice snacks and drinks in for when her friends come over and make a small tray up for the kids.
Dd does crave junk at trdthe moment and we don’t generally have crisps or sweets in the house as a rule, whereas she says they have a lot there.
I have told her she must stop asking and wait to be offered. For me, I wouldn’t mind a child asking at all.
I think I will send a snack box and a message to the mum explaining. Dd is very slim, she’s probably thinking we don’t feed her!
We have a v casual arrangement, for example, he ran to our gate this morning and asked if could come to play. He stayed for around 3 hours until he went home for lunch
I do notice he comes to ours more and often for longer.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 09/03/2025 21:21

Is he asking for junk food when he's there @Idliketobeamillionaire ?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 09/03/2025 21:22

It’s rude for her to be asking for specific snacks.

Have her eat at home. Don’t send snacks for the two of them, maybe she doesn’t want her son snacking.

Macaroni46 · 09/03/2025 21:22

Idliketobeamillionaire · 09/03/2025 21:20

Dd wasn’t like this before starting the medication. Today she had pasta for lunch and a sandwich just before she went and still had toast, strawberries and was asking for crisps within a three hour period. I feel sad for Dd though as she really doesn’t mean any harm and is a polite girl.
I specifically get nice snacks and drinks in for when her friends come over and make a small tray up for the kids.
Dd does crave junk at trdthe moment and we don’t generally have crisps or sweets in the house as a rule, whereas she says they have a lot there.
I have told her she must stop asking and wait to be offered. For me, I wouldn’t mind a child asking at all.
I think I will send a snack box and a message to the mum explaining. Dd is very slim, she’s probably thinking we don’t feed her!
We have a v casual arrangement, for example, he ran to our gate this morning and asked if could come to play. He stayed for around 3 hours until he went home for lunch
I do notice he comes to ours more and often for longer.

Well she's not polite if she's asking for food constantly. Send her with snacks and tell her again not to ask!
My kids were not allowed snacks between meals so maybe that's the issue.

Creamsnackered · 09/03/2025 21:23

I don't give my children crisps everyday so wouldn't be very impressed by a neighbour child asking specifically for some. Surely if she's hungry she'd be asking for a snack, and happy with a banana or apple. Asking for crisps or popcorn is a bit much I think.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/03/2025 21:24

You're saying 'snacks' but what she's actually asking for is junk food, and lots of it. I wouldn't want my kids to have junk food all the time tbh. Yes, they're slim now, almost all kids are at 6 on account of the fact they're growing, but they're forming habits.

mynameiscalypso · 09/03/2025 21:24

Can you send her with more protein-based snacks and/or up the protein at her meals so she feels fuller for longer?

Original poster
Idliketobeamillionaire · 09/03/2025 21:24

CaptainFuture · 09/03/2025 21:18

Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast.
Toast may be a snack,.but sandwich isn't.
If she's not wanting to go because she didn't get popcorn, is she only going for the food?
Quite hurtful for the friend!

No, not at all!! She’s going to see him, but due to having been ill and on medication, she has been a bugger with food and is hungry a lot. She didn’t not want to go because she didn’t get popcorn, it was more that the mum said no and I think she sensed she was cross and Dd felt nervous/uncomfortable

OP posts:
CousinBob · 09/03/2025 21:24

What’s the medication OP?

Ellie1015 · 09/03/2025 21:25

I wouldn't send snacks, that is a bit awkward. I would teach dd to come home when hungry.

It may be close to dinner time, too much sugar, too many snacks or watching money. Many reasons mum might say no to snacks. If you send snacks it is undermining her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread