Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

That’s fine then.

We have been so welcoming to her son and family, been to each others homes, family parties for birthdays etc.

If that’s the case, I find it quite surprising and upsetting tbh 😔 I wish i’d never said anything

Maybe the other paren has a life outside of you and your child, you seem overinvested in this and you would come across as smothering to me if you are like the way you come across to her in real life as you are on here about this

I obviously don’t act or talk in real life as I am to her here and you’re right, at the moment we are stuck in all the time so do have more investment in this for Dd, it is what it is, just a shame for Dd

I think if the situation were reversed, I would feel sad for her son and family and would actively try to arrange time for them to play, not do the opposite 😔

But it's not their responsibility to entertain your child.

They'll have their own plans at weekends and their own things they want to be getting on with in peace.

Have you considered she’s worrying that she’s been letting her son come round when you’ve had all this going on

I have a six year old and there's no way I'd let him be in a neighbours house for three hours. It would be an hour at the very most. As for snacks you really need to discuss with the other parent. Some people don't like their children snacking between meals.

Maybe, I don’t know, but in my message I said how much we love having him round and how much she enjoys playing with him

I was thinking this, maybe she feels guilty that her son has been over so much when your daughter isn't well. You might not find this an issue but some would, she's not to know which camp you're in. Also, now she knows your daughter is unwell maybe she doesn't feel confident in having her over in case anything happens.

Why don’t you ask her if he wants to come round?

Maybe arrange a time via text that’s good for both

I shouldn’t have said anything. My Dd has been ill since June though, so she’s had her over between then & now, nothing would be different

I mean this kindly, but maybe she's finding it all a bit much and just wants a break at weekends for a change.

For a change 😬 she had lots of breaks when he was here practically all weekend & she was asleep

Don't blame her for sleeping when her child's not there

Why the snarky comment about her being asleep? What she does when she's child-free is her business, not yours.

Ultimately it's not her/her DS's responsibility to entertain your DD. For whatever reason, she's taken a step back and you need to respect that. Find someone else for your DD to play with or another way to keep her occupied.

If she's making comments like this about food in front of your dd imagine what she's saying to her ds when your dd's not there. It'd certainly explain why her child is so 'picky' about food. I'd firmly put a stop to any playdates at the other child's house - have them at yours.

@Idliketobeamillionaire My son had the exact same set up when be was wee. I loved the fact they could play between each other's houses. I often had his best friend for lunch/dinner when at my house and this was reciprocated. They had the best times. Pretty similar to what I experienced as a child, although we tended to go home for meals.

If I were you I’d just pop over and explain to the mum about your daughters meds and the side affect of her increased appetite. Say you understand she’s been asking for food and instead for the mum to remind her to pop home for food if she asks for a snack.

If the family are financially struggling, having extra mouths asking for food can be very stressful, and you feel AWFUL having to say no, which can cause more stress.
We have been in a similar situation where a neighbourhood kid was continually asking for snacks (usually crisps, biscuits, sweets, chocolate, etc) and the snacks I managed to buy at the time were to feed my own family a treat now and then… I told the child if she’s hungry I’m happy to cut her up an apple or a carrot (not very exciting, I know!) but she would refuse and continue to ask for junk food (which is usually more expensive). So I can see the other parents point of view but I’m sure she won’t mind if you explain this to her

I can’t see mention of this anywhere on the thread, but I’m wondering, is this long-term meditation and is your DD starting to gain a lot of weight? If so, that might be why the mum is withholding snacks.

No, she’s v slim still

Ok, he’s here playing and Dd is over the moon.
She has her other neighbour friend over the back, here two days a week and is welcome to play with my friends kids, but she does adore this little boy

I'm glad the boy has come over to play with your child. It sounds as though the boy's mother was very reasonable and kind in her message to you as well.

I do wonder why you continue to make such mean-spirited comments about her, though.

But what you’re providing sets a precedent which invites judgement when it’s not reciprocated. Which exactly whst you’re doing here. Her child stays at yours for hours and you provide endless food and entertainment. When your DD doesn’t receive the same you are judgemental that it’s one sided. If the other parent creates distance and doesn’t allow her child to yours then she is being mean and breaking the good friendship of the children apart. But if she is unwell herself, and unable to cope with additional children for extended periods, and unable to afford the extra snacks, really the best thing she can do is enforce the boundary. But then you say again: what’s wrong with what you are doing? To which we reply - Setting the expectation and being snotty when the other parent doesn’t live up to it.

You’re already quite nasty towards her. What choice does she have! Maybe she has read this post for herself and that’s why she has distanced.

This

I sleep if i don’t have mini blondes /on a play date