Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

Tbh I'd get cheesed off if kid came o er and asked for snacks when they live virtually next door

Is your DD being invited over or is she knocking?

Few things stand out

• the constant hunger. Are you actually feeding her enough yourself? Are her portions quite small? To be getting through pasta and then snacks and then asking for food seems a lot. Might be having a growth spurt? You keep mentioning the medication and seem fixated that's the problem.

• you said you don't have certain snack food in your house. Is she asking for stuff that you won't allow / don't have but they do? She knows they have certain junk food and keep s asking? Hence why the mum is probably fed up.

To be honest, my daughter had a friend who would keep coming into the kitchen to ask for snacks and it used to irritate me. Food is expensive, i always provide a snack but they would ALWAYS leave some of it and then come back in asking for something different. I hate wasting food, I usually had already offered fruit or pre packaged snacks. Got on my nerves. Are you here to play or eat all my food for the week?!

I’d apologise to the other mum and explain why she keeps asking. Most people I think would find it irritating to have a guest repeatedly asking for food. It’s one thing if as a host you offer a biscuit and a drink or something. But different if a visitor keeps badgering you.

The crisps situation today, i’m not sure. Dd tells me they have lots of crisps & sweets and boxes full etc. Her friend used to get them snacks before and the mum even used to send her home with sweets or lollies, so its all a bit confusing

This is a standard tactic for lots of families. Take away the forbiddeness of something and it becomes less exciting. So, you leave junk out on display deliberately. It only works though if the child self rations. If a child starts ploughing through the junk, like it sounds like yours is temporarily due to the medication, which you haven't mentioned to the neighbour. this strategy no longer works.

Just take control, tell the other mother in front of DD that she’s not allowed to ask for snacks and needs to pop back home for a banana or something nutritious that will curb hunger. Crisps make you more hungry and if she’s effectively overeating because of this medication you need to be sure she’s not piling weight on through eating sugar, salt and crap basically as a source of meeting hunger. It won’t work. Tell other mother the meds are increasing her appetite. Repeat

Toast plus strawberries over 3 hours should be enough when the DD has had her lunch. If not then she needs to come home. I think OP is asking a lot of those other mum

I wouldn't mind at all. I mean, it's slightly annoying but I would still give the wee lass something to eat! I would definitely explain about her meds though, if it helps the mum to understand.

But its not under minding her if its for my child, is it? These wouldn’t be for him and i’d explain its due to the medication and its because she’s always hungry so i’m sending bits for her to eat so she doesn’t ask etc

I think it’s easily solved by communicating with the other parent rather than receiving messages passed by young children. Blows my mind that 6 year olds are allowed to freely go to and fro between houses without parents having any involvement?

It might be as simple as the Mum is trying to get stuff done but keeps getting asked for snacks which is interrupting what she is trying to do.

my son is the same and it drives me nuts when I am stuck in the middle of something 😂

You need to stop the "she's not trying to be rude.". Because she's being rude. And if you feel she is old enough to take herself unattended to someone else's house for several hours then she's old enough to know she's being rude and not expect the fact she feels hungry in someone else's house to trump this.

At 6, she's frankly not old enough for the former, and barely old enough for the latter.

If she's hungry then she needs to come back home and eat there. You can't just expect someone else to supply her with a constant stream of snacks.

As ive said ive told her today, this week is the first time she’s told me about asking for things, how am I to know.

Send her with some healthy snacks. You say she's slim but she won't stay that way if she's given regular junk snacks so keep an eye on that.

Talk to the other mum. You should be able to discuss this.

You follow the rules of the host family? M

I just found out today after Dd came home, so no I haven’t asked the mum yet and was wondering how to go about it, hence this post

She shouldn’t be asking for snacks at all. Do you ask for snacks when you visit peoples house? She can stay and play feeling a bit hungry or come home. Regardless of medication you really shouldn’t be encouraging her to snack all the time. She will be eating far too many calories and develop cavities.

Why can't you just have a conversation with the other mum, then you can know for sure and clear the air if needed and agree on something that works for both families moving forwards?
Why don't people talk to each other any more? It might be nothing to do with snacks for all you know and the kids have fallen out or done something they shouldn't have and have made up a little cover story...?

Sorry cross posted and just seen your update!

Is she on steroids. They do make children hungry

Why? They often play in the garden, trampoline, games etc, they really enjoy it, for me it’s no problem and I enjoy putting small snacks out

But it is rude, so you need to go and talk to the mum. Don’t apologise for DD as you’d be showing that her saying no was upsetting DD. Just explain, DD is on medication and her appetite has increased, you understand she’s snacking when she comes over to play and you just wanted to give her the heads up that if your DD is constantly asking she can send her home for something to eat or you can start sending snacks over. Make a joke about you not wanting her to think DD is being starved. If she understands why you DD is constantly asking she will likely find it less irritating. But ultimately she is unlikely to want to keep feeding DD junk as her son will also want it.

So yes, it is an issue, and she probably is finding it annoying.

But that is up to you to sort not the other parents