Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

So it sounds like this has happened twice - once the DD asked for popcorn when another child in the house was eating it, and once asked for some crisps.

So, not often.

As both families seem happy with the arrangement of the two children playing together, the next time DD goes round you should go with her to explain the issue around the medication and her hunger, and then the two of you can decide on the best way forward.

You seem to be ignoring a lot of posters advice which is just to get DD to come home if she's hungry. I would mentioned to the mum you're aware she asked for food last time and just say you've spoken to DD and she knows to come home. Certainly mention her medication is making her hungry but you seem to think the mum has been unreasonable whereas I would be more apologetic in your situation.

I would scale the length of the playdates back a bit. A couple of hours and off home..no need to feed anyone anything. Stop the snacking altogether.

Exactly. If someone came to my house with a box full of lovely snacks I'd be pretty pissed off, and I'm a lot older than six.

She’s an adult, maybe 20, doesn’t live there but comes to visit, Dd says she very kind and said she’d check with the mum, but the mum said no..seemed odd under that circumstance

OP maybe they can't afford to constantly provide your D Daughter with snacks. Maybe they didn't account for this DD in their weekly shop. I would be so embarrassed if my child was constantly begging the neighbours for food.

Asking for specific snacks is definitely rude. They may be watching finances and things like crisps are often a treat for some families. They purchase a certain amount for their family.

I think she is old enough not to be asking for snacks and to understand she needs to come home.

I wouldn't have acted the way that mother did though, I would have offered toast or even just had a quick chat to you and said asked you to send food for her.

But people are stressed these days and it can be bloody annoying being asked for food all the time... She is only 6 though. So the mum was harsh.

I think 6 is very young to be going unattended and uninvited to someone’s house and staying for hours to be honest. She’s too young to understand food etiquette. If she’s hungry, that’s all she’ll think about.

While she’s on medication I’d want to be managing her diet carefully, I wouldn’t have low value foods like crisps and snacks in the house. She needs to be told not to ask for food when she’s out, and you also need to tell the other mum it’s ok for her to say no and send her home where you can give her something substantial and healthy.

all a bit odd, just speak to the mum directly. I think part of the issue might be that your DD is asking for specific things like crisps and popcorn which the mum might feel is more fun food and not necessary.

Your kid is being rude by constantly asking for snacks OP. Medication or not this is not OK for a kid to do. Is she thirsty? I had a kid like this come to mine and I ended up not having her again as she went bananas as I suspect she had not many sweet treats at her own house and when she had them at mine become greedy and incredibly rude and annoying. Not her fault - its the chemicals in the food and her parents for not teaching her how to cope with these kinds of treat snacks. Sorry but its your kid here. Id apologise to the mum and maybe take her advice on how to say no.

That's about the 5th time you've said "it's no trouble for me, I enjoy putting snacks out" as if that means something.

A big part of this is that your DD is an only child, as you say, you're grateful for this little boy's company to stop your child getting bored. You get snacks, want him round etc etc.

Other mum has multiple DC. Your DD is an extra on top of her looking after them, not an eagerly appreciated second playmate. Not to say of course the two children aren't great friends, but you being thrilled for your DD that she's got a friend is not being reciprocated by the mum of siblings who already have someone to play with before your DD turns up. You become child free for the morning, whilst she suddenly grows to 3 (more?) children and one that isn't hers is perpetually asking for food.

You don't want to hear that your child is annoying, and I'm sorry but as amazing as you think this is for DD because she's no one to play with without this boy, the other mum is likely getting rapidly to the end of her tether with the whole situation.

Why?

I plan my food shopping based on my family and their needs. I don't have much storage so try and only buy what is needed for that week. Giving your dd a bag of crisps will mean someone will have to go without for their lunch one day (no doubt me or dh). Once or twice is fine but if this is happening every week, a child coming over and asking for endless snacks then yes I would start getting pissed off tbh.
Just tell her to come home for food

I'd not sent her on these playdates for now. I'd host the little boy at your house instead (provided the medication was a temporary thing).

It isn’t every hour 🤷🏻‍♀️there’s been two incidents

@LePetitMaman You don't want to hear that your child is annoying.

I don't think the apple is falling very far from the tree tbh.

You can't send snacks that your child will eat in front of the other child, and he gets none.

You certainly can't send crisps, biscuits, or other attractive junk.

The only sort of snacks you could send without fear of causing a very awkward social situation would be wholesome, protein-rich foods - a hard boiled egg, a few ounces of nuts, carrots sticks and hummus, a few slices of cheese.

This is the kind of snack your DD should be eating anyway. Forget fruit and simple carbs.

Yep this would really annoy me. These things in our house are not real food, they’re treats. We often don’t have either in. We don’t snack either between meals. I’d offer fruit to a hungry guest outside of an mealtime and that’s it. I’d be really pissed off if a visiting child were continually asking for unhealthy snacks, especially as I wouldn’t want my own child eating crap between meals.

if your child is extra hungry due to meds, maybe you could suggest healthier snacks than crisps/sugary popcorn or give her more filling main meals? Whole grains are your friend here- whole grain bread, pasta, and rice keep little tummies full up for way longer than white varieties.

My youngest has a friend come over and last week the kid just wandered into our cupboard and opened a bag of crisps and started eating them whilst I was busy preparing the evening meal. He's a lovely boy only 5yo so I didn't mind tbh. At that age I wouldn't get worked up over it.

Dd always invites him over, some days he just runs to the gate and asks if he can come and play. If we’re not going out, i’m always happy to welcome him, tbh it’s better if he comes to ours (and he comes to ours a lot more and for longer) From what I can gather, it’s a bit more free at ours, as in, I don’t mind them building dens and running around a bit, but it’s not allowed at theirs and they often spend nearly all the time not in the house at his (on the trampoline in the cold)

There's been two incidents where your daughter has been told no - that you know of. How many incidents before that though where the mum said yes.
You said 'but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum '. Are you confident that your daughter wasn't asking then?

God, I still remember asking for a cheese string at a friends house and being told no. I must have been about 7.

They were much richer than us and the snacks at their house were so tempting.

I'd normally not ask but I really wanted it. I was burning with shame when the mum said no.

I think the problem is it's too long a visit. 3 odd hours at age 6 is too much.
Go and fetch her after an hour or 90 mins and give her a snacks at home.

Not sure why that is odd.
I would assume as an adult they can choose to eat popcorn. Mum clearly doesn't want younger child snacking.

What is your daughter doing at school? Are they allowing her to snack (and on junk food?)

I agree with other posters you need to look at what food you are giving her to fill her up and to speak to the GP who prescribed the medication to discuss this change in appetite.

It’s definitely the medication, the Dr said it’s a common side effect
Yes, she does crave junk, I try to keep a balance and she is allowed crisps & chocolate, but we don’t have it regularly in the house