Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

My DS didn't generally eat snacks and it would irritate me if he filled up on toast at a friend's house then didn't eat his proper meal with healthy veg etc.

Maybe the other Mum doesn't want her DS filling up on snacks at your house and doesn't want to make this a habit in her own house as she obviously can't feed your DD without including him.

I wouldn't be keen on her taking snacks along to neighbours either, as she will either share with her friend annoying the Mum or won't share which will upset her friend. DD needs to come home for snacks.

It wouldn't bother me. We have some kids who never ask. And one friends dc who asks for loads , snacks, drinks, ice pops , sandwiches allsorts.

We're fortunate that we always have cupboards full to the brim of everything and wouldn't have to worry however maybe the mum hasn't got much food / money to buy more ?

That wasn't what I asked - Is your DD being invited by his mum to his house?

Is the mum actually happy in general with this playdate arrangement?
It sounds like it works for you but maybe the snacking is one of a few reasons she might be finding your daughter annoying (hence they have to play outside in the cold, maybe as she is messy, gets all the toys out, demands to play certain things)

So why on earth is she asking for these things elsewhere?! It’s super cheeky. A lesson in manners is due here.

Just to add I think people just do this stuff differently. I have a friend who always has things like crisps, popcorn and sweet treats in and my DD will be offered them when she goes round and sometimes she sends snacks with her girls when they come round to mine. I don’t really mind but I just dont buy those kind of things all the time so I don’t have a regular stash. I offer cheese, peanut butter and apple, bananas etc. I know my DD loves crisps (like me!) and I’d just prefer she eats her dinner properly. Also I find the sweet stuff often just gets the kids all over excited which can end in arguments etc Obviously we do have crisps etc we just don’t always have them in.

Against the grain but no I absolutely would not be cross at your DD. She’s six and living with the side effects of medication, I wouldn’t be mad at any DC (or teen!) for being hungry and asking for food- thats what they do. I see why the friend wants to be at your house rather than at home if his mother is telling him off for such silly reasons though.

I understand the financial side of it or if she doesn’t do snacks generally but theres no need to be harsh with your child or her own. I’d probably encourage even more time spent at DD’s instead of her friends house, doesn’t seem like a welcoming environment for her right now.

I would feel like an unpaid babysitter if you sent her round with snacks, particularly as she has no knowledge of her medication. If I am trying to limit my kids snacks, I wouldnt appreciate my kids watching your daughter eat hers, particularly as she lives two doors away. She needs to come home if hungry. I would be speaking to mum to apologise and to ask her to send her home if she is hungry.

The amount of posters saying CONSTANTLY asking for food is really irritating. We've been told about two instances.

OP's DD was a bit rude and needs that to be explained again, but people are really exaggerating the crime here. Typical though, I suppose.

Yes I can see this approach and how it would work, but it just wouldn’t, even pre medication, Dd is the type that would just eat it all because it’s there

Most people would be so embarrassed if their child was repeatedly asking for junk food from the neighbours. OP, however, can't understand what is "wrong" with the neighbour...

...and she sees them elsewhere and doesn't know it's s rude to ask for them.

You need to tell her it's rude to ask when she's in other people's houses.

It's fine to politely accept or politely decline food that's offered, but it's rude to ask, and it's especially rude to ask for specific items.

Does she really like playing there, or is it just the snacks that attract her there?

Your daughter is 6, so unlikely to be trying to be rude. However she is being rude.

You need to be very clear with her that she comes home for snacks, along with speaking to your neighbour.

We've been told about two instances where the daughter was upset about being told no. We have no idea how many times the daughter had asked for food before the mum started saying no.

We do have involvement 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don't overthink it OP. Your idea to explain to the mum about your DD's medication making her extraordinarily hungry so you're proposing to send her with a snack box in future for play dates, is a good one. Just pop around there on your own to explain. Keep it light and friendly. Maybe say something like "I don't know if DD has been badgering you for food when she comes round to play, but if she has it's because ... She knows she shouldn't but she's just so hungry all the time, so, if it's OK with you I'll send her with a snack box in future so she doesn't ask you again." Not only does this show you've recognised there may be a problem, but you're presenting a solution too. You can then reassure your DD that's it's fine for her to continue going to her friend's. (In fact, I wonder if the other mum might feel a bit embarrassed once she knows your DD has a medical condition treated by medication that's causing her unusual hunger.)

Maybe she doesn't want her child eating snacks constantly, crisps and popcorn etc. I think people do regulate snacks like that, mine ask constantly and I offer fruit instead and say no quite often when they ask for a second bag or crisps for example, I eill say no, dinner is soon and you can have fruit. Otherwise they fill up on crap and don't eat their dinners and veg.
I definitely would explain your daughter needs more food due to medication, it is unfair on your daughter and the mum and her son to not say anything as clearly noone is understanding the full picture. I imagine the mum might just be trying to make sure her son is not stuffed full of snacks before dinner. I would suggest talking to her about it and sending tour daughter with a snack pack, but also check with the mum that she is ok with that too as kids will share crisps and treats. Maybe send your dd with a cheese sandwich and an apple or something like that.

I suspect she is constantly asking for food and it’s become too much. Not judging as tbh I was exactly the same but I was definitely taught that it was a bit rude to ask for food at someone else’s house. Maybe ok at other family at a push.
i would still bristle if other children visiting ask me for food a lot but they rarely do, and I always offer. You need to teach her it’s not ideal behaviour .

In future send her round with her snacks and don't assume the other parents will provide. My DS is ND and always wanted friends at home. It ends up costing a lot, even if you buy cheap stuff. I sucked it up for quite a few years and felt quite resentful - but it wasn't the kids fault. However now he's a teen and they all look after themselves pooling their pocket money. I treat them occasionally and they very much appreciate it. I wouldn't want a house where children felt uncomfortable.

If you gave her a good lunch but she couldn't go 3 hours without snacks/toast/popcorn or whatever, how on earth does she get through a day at school?

I'm middle class and I get annoyed at kids asking for food when they are here for a playdate. I will feed a meal at mealtimes and a snack mid morning or mid afternoon, and I don't want to be pestered for anything else, it's rude. I am not a cafe.

Unattended to someone elses house? What do you mean? She’s not unattended. He lives across the road, two doors down, house and garden visible from ours. We either watch her cross the road on our cul de sac and knock on his door or walk her there and pick up, although it’s not really needed

I find some of the answers utterly strange - the first thing I tell children who come to play is that if they want a drink or snack they can have one - just come and ask. I check with parents if there are any allergies or restrictions but otherwise they can have anything in the house.

If I didn’t want them to have anything I certainly wouldn’t shout - I’d just say ‘sorry - that’s for lunchboxes but would you like some toast/crisps/yoghurt instead?’

Is the medication long term? If so you’ll need to find a way to manage her hunger, otherwise I’d probably restrict how much she goes or limit the time.

Asking for food i could put up with

Asking for treats - which is what crisps are - that would seem greedy

I’d be sending your DD round with snacks. I wouldn’t be angry at a child for asking me for food however it would be grating after a while considering it sounds rather constant, plus your DD is asking for junk like crisps, popcorn etc which would suggest to me that she isn’t really hungry. I’d be pretty ashamed if I knew that my child was going round to a neighbour’s house and begging for food so often OP, I’d make it clear to her that what she’s doing is bad manners. If she wants fed she can eat something that she’s brought with her or come home.