Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

Just to say we dont/didnt have snacking between meals and I didnt have this growing up either, perhaps just a piece of fruit. But since the change in her appetite, she seems to want to eat small amounts fairly often

So, she was there for three hours today, in which time she had toast, strawberries and then asked for crisps?

It is rude to constantly ask for snacks at a friend’s house. Just tell her to stop asking and give her the snack box if necessary. She is six and needs to learn etiquette. You need to teach her.

Your DD is 6, they live two doors away and you haven't asked the other mum about this? Why on earth not?
It annoyed me when other children come over and went on and on about snacks when I wasn't sure what their parents' thought about junk food and therefore whether they'd want me giving their child that sort of stuff, whether they might appear at any moment and announce it was time for their child to come home as they were about to eat and the child had just had a snack or whether the child was actually hungry or just wanted food which wasn't usually available to them.
Also, if you're only two doors away, I don't want to be making your child toast or a sandwich. Both are pretty low effort but do require some effort and your child could easily run home and get something similar. Nor, though, would I want to be constantly giving them junk food and then my children having junk food as well. We might have a bag of popcorn in the cupboard but that has been bought for Saturday night not for the DC to tuck into whenever they fancy.

His big sister was eating popcorn apparently, so Dd asked her and the sister then asked the mum and the mum said no. Dd seemed to be uncomfortable about going back after that, but went today after he’d been at ours half the day

When my dc have friends round I give them snacks and feed them, but I don't like them being cheeky and asking for things, I think children should wait to be asked. If your dd is round there as often as you say then maybe it's getting a bit much to keep feeding her, sending round snacks is an idea.

It's rude to be asking for snacks, yes. Teach her to come home when she's hungry, and then she can go back and play when she's eaten.
I'm quite surprised that 6-year-olds pop into one another's homes for tree hours solid!

If she's frequently asking for snacks then I expect it will be pretty irritating.

I think that you need to tell her that if she's hungry then she needs to come home.

What does she do when she is at school? Do they allow her to eat constantly?
You sound like you want to be liked by children, making sure you have treats in. Not everyone likes this as it makes it hard for them and they look like the bad guy saying no to snacks or only offering fruit.
Considering you are neighbours you need to talk to her. As I said I would find it irritating having a random child appear sporadically anyway but sounds like lots of people do this. For the child to then be pestering for snacks (especially junk food) would irritate me further.

I wouldn’t let my child go to a house where I wasn’t in proper contact with the adult. Even if it was just by text. I’d only send her to places where I was comfortable enough to ask what had happened? Had she been cheeky? Was she hungry? Etc

When he’s at ours? No, he’s asked me for extra crisps once when we had them, he’s fussy with food though and not as into food as Dd is at the moment

She does eat at home, as I say, I made sure she ate a good lunch before going, but her hunger js through the roof.
I wouldn’t send snacks for her friend, only for Dd when she goes there, in case she needs, so she doesn’t ask the mum

She shouldn't be asking for snacks and you need to make it clear to her that she needs to come home if she's hungry.

Personally, I don't do snacks and especially not popcorn/crisps so I wouldn't offer it to my kids and wouldn't be happy if another child brought it round.

As ive said, ive told her not to. She’s 6 and not trying to be rude, the medication is making her a lot hungrier and she needs to eat

I think you need a conversation face to face with the other mum. This is a small issue that could explode into something much bigger and the most important thing is your children having a good friendship. Agree between you tackling this issue. A snack box sounds a good idea because you’ll know exactly what your DD is eating.
As an adult who is on medication that increases hunger, I would strongly recommend more filling snacks. Crisps and popcorn don’t keep you full for 5 minutes. Protein/veggie based snacks might help keep her fuller for longer.

Definitely don't send snacks just for her! That's much worse than sending snacks to share.

If the snacking has become a big issue just invite the other kid to yours rather than your DD going there.

Sounds like her diet isn't very sustaining tbh, lots of white carbs and fruit. Try giving her something like a hardboiled egg, or cheese and oatcakes, or apple slices with peanut butter as a snack before she goes over there.

Don't send snacks with her. She won't die of hunger while 2 doors down after a decent lunch. If she really needs food she can come home for a high protein energy dense snack.

It isn't remotely acceptable under normal circumstances for a 6 yr old to ask someone else's parent for food in their house. You eat what you're given.

As your dd is going through a hungry phase due to new medication, this is information that your neighbour definitely needs to know so that you can both come up with a plan. Communicate!

I’d start by upping your DDs protein - for meals and snacks. So no crips but babybels/ hummas and carrot sticks/full fat milk.
Then go and talk to Mum. Agree or at least compare notes on snack approach for the kids. I presume you are on friendly turns? Maybe ask her out for a coffee. Clear the air. Explain about the medication. And move on.

Just because his big sister has something doesn't mean your daughter can have it. When you say older, how much older? Maybe in their house they get pocket money to buy things like sweets. Or maybe there is only a limited amount and they can't afford to feed your daughter.

We don’t have crisps every day or in the house. She saw the sister eating popcorn and asked if she could have some and the mum said no…I find that a bit weird and it’s not something i’d do.
The crisps situation today, i’m not sure. Dd tells me they have lots of crisps & sweets and boxes full etc. Her friend used to get them snacks before and the mum even used to send her home with sweets or lollies, so its all a bit confusing

I wouldn't mind but I guess some people can be strict about food/snacks

Perhaps it's best she plays in your house for a while

Perhaps kum doesn't want her dc having junk food.

Yes I think it's rude to ask for food when she can nip home for a snack

It isn't remotely acceptable under normal circumstances for a 6 yr old to ask someone else's parent for food in their house. You eat what you're given.

This. i really wouldn't be impressed with a child visting asking for multiple rounds of specific things.

OP, you need to talk to the parents directly. agree a way to manage it better. you really need to be teaching your child "can i have A then B then C" really isn't on at other people's houses - it's very rude and demanding to ask for junk food every hour! no wonder the other mum is sick of it. it's messing up her ability to parent her own kids. if your child can't handle being away for a long time without food, she needs to be coming back home. and you need to be talking with the adults, not letting her kid be put in the middle of this. it isn't fair at their age!

The mum was making toast as an afternoon snack and strawberries for the family, Dd said and offered Dd. Dd then later asked her friend for some crisps. I’m not happy she did that and have told her not to ask, but i’m trying to understand the situation and why the mum shouted at the boy and he cried and why Dd came home a bit upset and said she felt worried

She needs to come home if she is hungry and have a snack at yours. It must be annoying to keep being asked for food especially if money is tight.