Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

306 replies

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 17:55

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

OP posts:
CautiousLurker01 · 10/03/2025 09:01

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

OMG. Please tell me you’ll block him and move on…

Mnetcurious · 10/03/2025 09:06

Gross, I would instantly dump him. A man who says and thinks things like that isn’t a man I’d want to be with. You didn’t overreact and giving you the silent treatment should ring alarm bells too.

whathaveiforgotten · 10/03/2025 09:08

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

Surely this response is such a turn off that you can't imaging shagging him again?!

How can you still be attracted to this man?

Pussycat22 · 10/03/2025 09:08

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 17:55

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

It's nothing to do with age. This dickhead will be a dickhead until they screw the lid down. Please get rid.x

Friestogo · 10/03/2025 09:12

I don't mind a bit of crude humour and neither does my DH. We say stuff between us sometimes and laugh but would never force our humour on others unless we were certain they would find our weird shit funny too. My DH often tells me I have the sense of humour of a 15 year old boy!! 😂I don't like the fat shaming comment though. That is out of order and not funny and just unkind.

However, if you don't like his comments, and you are not laughing or amused by them, then he should bloody 'read the room' and pack it in.

Mnetcurious · 10/03/2025 09:19

Doodleflips · 10/03/2025 08:30

just because they are standard ‘lad banter’, that doesn’t make it ok

Show quote history

Exactly what my response was going to be. “Boys will be boys” is no longer an excuse in 2025.

Imbusytodaysorry · 10/03/2025 09:19

Imbusytodaysorry · 10/03/2025 08:26

So you now want to be engaged ?

Sorry wrong thread

Original poster
PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 09:27

I told him I found his explanation strange/borderline rude and he said he is clumsy with words but I should be complimented that I’m so attractive in his eyes 😤

I am glad I’m not seeing him again until later in the week!

OP posts:
Isthiswhatmenthink · 10/03/2025 09:28

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

No. Just….no.

This is not a man. He is a pathetic little teenage twat who is blaming you for his absolute gobshite for having a period and that apparently rendering him ‘frustrated’.

He’s so gross I can’t believe you’ve not already ditched him. You have a daughter. 😫

Isthiswhatmenthink · 10/03/2025 09:33

You ‘sorted him out’? 😭 This gets worse. And worse.

I agree with the others about your self-esteem. I have no idea why you’d bring someone like this into your daughter’s life. He may have been in his best behaviour for a while, but now you know what he’s really like. And it is not good.

DogsandFlowers · 10/03/2025 09:38

PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 09:27

I told him I found his explanation strange/borderline rude and he said he is clumsy with words but I should be complimented that I’m so attractive in his eyes 😤

I am glad I’m not seeing him again until later in the week!

I think your confidence and self esteem need work, this man is a vile misogynistic bell end, pleeeeease don't allow him anywhere near your daughter EVER AGAIN. What you decide to do is your choice but she doesn't have one

DogsandFlowers · 10/03/2025 09:38

PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 09:27

I told him I found his explanation strange/borderline rude and he said he is clumsy with words but I should be complimented that I’m so attractive in his eyes 😤

I am glad I’m not seeing him again until later in the week!

Later in the week? Never again OP!

whathaveiforgotten · 10/03/2025 09:39

PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 09:27

I told him I found his explanation strange/borderline rude and he said he is clumsy with words but I should be complimented that I’m so attractive in his eyes 😤

I am glad I’m not seeing him again until later in the week!

But... why aren't you ending the relationship?

You've got a daughter OP. If she met a guy who spoke like this and then said it was because he hadn't had sex with her would you think she should stick it out or just break up with him?

We teach our daughters what a good man looks like by the behaviour we accept.

utterlyfedup2 · 10/03/2025 09:43

PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 09:27

I told him I found his explanation strange/borderline rude and he said he is clumsy with words but I should be complimented that I’m so attractive in his eyes 😤

I am glad I’m not seeing him again until later in the week!

Why does he get to tell you how you 'should' feel? Why does he think your actual feelings aren't valid?

Massive red flags OP.

He's shown you who he is. Believe him.

Molstraat · 10/03/2025 09:46

PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 08:01

My self esteem is fine thank you! 😊

Show quote history

Women with self worth don't have the dregs of society in their lives, much less around their children.

Mumofteenandtween · 10/03/2025 09:56

You appear to be dating Kevin and Perry!

Doodleflips · 10/03/2025 09:59

Op - you just know this isn’t ok, because otherwise, why would you post?
You have a thread full of people telling you it’s not ok, which deep down you know.
The question is, what are you going to do about it, and if it’s nothing, why?

Original poster
PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 10:05

He won’t meet my DD again until he starts behaving like a normal adult again which he managed for most of our relationship.

I’m expecting a sincere apology when we meet up next - I’m an independent woman who has raised a child almost single-handedly so don’t need to stay with anyone, but at the same time I am not perfect either. This isn’t me accepting behaviour, it’s being clear a line has been crossed.

I am sure we have all been out with the girls and something has been said after one too many glasses - if this meant relationships had to end then everyone would be single surely 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 10:06

To be clear - if there isn’t a proper apology, I will walk away.

OP posts:
Motorflight · 10/03/2025 10:12

The comment about a woman being bigger than their partner wasn’t just a bit of fat shaming. It was a warning. He thinks women should be small. Is he going to be thinking this about you if middle age and perimenopause gives you a bit of extra padding? Is he going to assume everyone thinks like him and is pitying him getting squashed by his non skinny GF?

The comment about a woman being with someone dull because they must be hung like a horse is very telling of what he thinks makes good sex too I.e you take your massive dick and shove it in and a woman is happy even if you have zero personality or decent sexual skills.

As for him leaking stray sexual energy every time he hasn’t been serviced to his full satisfaction (with PIV sex)…. This one’s seriously defective. Please throw him back.

Daisyvodka · 10/03/2025 10:17

PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 10:05

He won’t meet my DD again until he starts behaving like a normal adult again which he managed for most of our relationship.

I’m expecting a sincere apology when we meet up next - I’m an independent woman who has raised a child almost single-handedly so don’t need to stay with anyone, but at the same time I am not perfect either. This isn’t me accepting behaviour, it’s being clear a line has been crossed.

I am sure we have all been out with the girls and something has been said after one too many glasses - if this meant relationships had to end then everyone would be single surely 😆

When people say things like 'nobody's perfect' about dating they mean like... he leaves socks all over the house or gets a bit defensive when you argue, not... making crude misogynistic comments then blaming it on sexual frustration. It's really not the same thing - the bar doesn't actually have to be that low just because some people have been conditioned to think that its is! You deserve better!

Mnetcurious · 10/03/2025 10:21

PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 10:06

To be clear - if there isn’t a proper apology, I will walk away.

But why haven’t you just ended it already? An apology is cheap and meaningless- it’s not hard for him to say the word sorry. He’s shown you by his actions and words the kind of man he is, his opinion about women and sex. He’s also given you the silent treatment as “punishment” for calling him out. WHY are you giving him another chance?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 10/03/2025 10:27

‘Until he starts behaving like a proper adult again’ is not good.
You don’t need two kids to look after.
He may apologise and be on his best behaviour but sadly the mask slipped and you saw the real him.
The real him is about 12.

Original poster
PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 10:28

Motorflight · 10/03/2025 10:12

The comment about a woman being bigger than their partner wasn’t just a bit of fat shaming. It was a warning. He thinks women should be small. Is he going to be thinking this about you if middle age and perimenopause gives you a bit of extra padding? Is he going to assume everyone thinks like him and is pitying him getting squashed by his non skinny GF?

The comment about a woman being with someone dull because they must be hung like a horse is very telling of what he thinks makes good sex too I.e you take your massive dick and shove it in and a woman is happy even if you have zero personality or decent sexual skills.

As for him leaking stray sexual energy every time he hasn’t been serviced to his full satisfaction (with PIV sex)…. This one’s seriously defective. Please throw him back.

He doesn’t think all women should be small - I’m not tiny and he loves my figure.

OP posts:
getdowwwwwn · 10/03/2025 10:34

PeachTea9 · 10/03/2025 10:05

He won’t meet my DD again until he starts behaving like a normal adult again which he managed for most of our relationship.

I’m expecting a sincere apology when we meet up next - I’m an independent woman who has raised a child almost single-handedly so don’t need to stay with anyone, but at the same time I am not perfect either. This isn’t me accepting behaviour, it’s being clear a line has been crossed.

I am sure we have all been out with the girls and something has been said after one too many glasses - if this meant relationships had to end then everyone would be single surely 😆

As you're an independent woman with a DD, I'm surprised you want a man in your life who thinks these things, regardless of whether he says them out loud!