Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

[PeachTea9]

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

Watch Geordie Shore it's an eye opener women are getting some themselves. No such thing as being a lady anymore. Young women ain't waiting for him to come to her she's going to him.

Sounds like you're going out with Jay from the inbetweeners. I'm not sure I could get past the ick.

He doesn't respect you OP.

Don't drag it on for the sake of it.

It's still early days and he should be making you feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Not compatible and there'll be someone best for you out there.

Throw him back. It will only get worse.

"I am sure we have all been out with the girls and something has been said after one too many glasses - if this meant relationships had to end then everyone would be single surely 😆"

Erm, no. In the years partner and I have been together, he's never made a crude comment to me/in my presence (and I doubt to his friends either, none of them are the type, but obviously I can't know for sure) and I've never made a crude comment like the ones your partner is making full stop, to anyone.

I mean, you do you, but this would be a red flag for me and I would absolutely not want this man in my daughter's life... Gross.

But he said you should be complimented he finds you attractive so definitely a red flag!

"I am sure we have all been out with the girls and something has been said after one too many glasses - if this meant relationships had to end then everyone would be single surely 😆".

No. Lots of women can socialise with friends without descending into vulgar conversation, and do.

I think your low standards and expectations of men are a real issue that mark your life and will mark your childs.

So many threads on MN about the slime their mothers brought home during their childhoods.
Don't do it.
Raise your standards, for your daughter.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk too.

Yes, girls may say something 'after one too many glasses' but your boyfriend was driving (so I assume sober) and told you he wanted to sleep with someone else.
You're barely into the relationship and he's already telling you he's bored of you.
That's gross.

Agree. He’s shown you who he is and how he thinks. He’s finally comfortable enough to let you into his innermost thoughts and you’ve learned they’re all pretty vulgar. The first reaction to you rebuffing him was him to spin it back on you and essentially say it’s your fault he’s too horny. He should at his age be able to be around other people without his initial thoughts being about their personal sex lives or genitalia. Even if he hasn’t had sex in a week.

Also, telling you how much he wants another woman to ride him is pretty appalling and disrespectful to say the least. I’d have major ick and wouldn’t be riding him myself.

Didn't say it did. OP asked for opinions. That is mine.

"To be clear - if there isn’t a proper apology, I will walk away."

An apology doesn't fix a mindset and this kind of speech is coming from that. He's a vulgar misogynist and the minute he felt comfortable, he dropped his nice guy act. You've gotten a good look at what's under his veneer. He will make these comments again and there will come a time when he makes them around your daughter.

True, he will make them around her daughter and about her daughter & daughter's friends.

He'll be "that" step dad.

I dated a guy who made a comment about whether a woman on the tube had anything on under her trench coat. I was a bit stunned and let him know it was unacceptable.
He never mentioned anything similar for years, until one day when talking about his 3 year old niece, said how she'd grow up to be a sex pot! 🤢

Once a sleaze, always a sleaze.

It's amazing anyone manages to see anything past all of the imaginary red flags!

Oh FFS, OP. ..

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed ...

As in

You haven't been available as the usual relief appliance.

Therefore you must be punished with shit behaviour.

He refuses or is incapable of controlling this around you.

WAKE UP.

Check out the Rules of Misogyny, especially:

1. Women are responsible for what men do

and

2. Women saying no to men is a hate crime

https://forwomen.scot/05/02/2025/rules-of-misogyny/

Love bomb one another until one switches on the other. I would rather meet Mr Hyde first before deciding if I can settle with Dr Jekyll. We all have a devil in us waiting to erupt and it's whether you can tolerate that side.

This post screams he is not ready to settle down and he should probably sleep with as many women as possible until he gets it out of his system. I had a female friend who shagged about she loved the attention. Some people need to get it out of their system and it's not until they are older they settle down.

I think he's shown his true colours OP.

His reaction to you bringing this up is even worse than his initial comments.

How dare you be on your period when he need sex? Bloody menstrual cycles provoke me to make such misogynistic comments.

This reeks of 'I need servicing'.

Think very carefully about proceeding in a relationship with this man. Marriage should be with someone who is ride or die through thick and thin. What complaints would he have if god forbid you became poorly or depressed? Don't need a whiney sexist man complaining when you're putting out next

Tell us you can’t see red flags without actually telling us!
it’s worrying you can’t see them, unless you’re the bf.

Potential reasons from very unlikely to more logical

1. sudden personality change - brain tumour
2. unintentionally showing more of his personality because he’s more comfortable around you (ADHD? I say this married to someone with it and sometimes his mouth runs away with him and he makes comments without thinking about his audience, it is getting worse since hitting middle age)
3. he’s always been this way but intentionally hid it very well until you were settled into a relationship thinking he was safe

He needs to be your ex if he doesn’t respect women he won’t respect you more trouble down the line get rid

You still seem to be with him after him showing you who he is and are now defending him. Why is that?

Oh you were on your period, I see it was your fault. Explains it. You're in for a world of misery of you don't walk away from this

He told you his behaviour was down to you being on your period and therefore he was sexually frustrating and that’s why he was saying that stuff? Throw this one back, yikes! If he can’t get through a week without sex that it causes these outbursts, he has issues. You weren’t useful to him and suddenly he starts talking about all the women he wishes would ride him.

Imagine what he'll do and say should you get pregnant.

Throw this tiddler back. He's got a lot of growing up to do.

He blamed you for his behaviour 😆 and you then comment to say how great he is ...madness !
I definitely wouldn't have a man who acts like him around my daughter.
Good luck when she is a teenager with him around.
Prioritise them and not yourself and him