Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

[PeachTea9]

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

Dump him and work on your self esteem.

It's not really crude humour, it's rude personal remarks. None of it's funny?

There's plenty of ways to do crude humour without objectifying women.

Sexual ‘frustration’ leads him to tell you he’d like to be ridden by other women? This is the vilest of behaviour. I’d clamp shut after this, OP. The ick would never go away. It’s almost like a threat, isn’t it: service me regularly or I’ll make it clear I’ll lust after other women. He thinks about women like they are objects. And this is just what he says aloud.

Hmm I can't see any man I've dated appreciating being told that I'd really like to sleep with someone else...

I also wouldn't want a boyfriend telling me they really like my friend's body..

Are you really sure you talk like this with your husband?

@PeachTea9

So he was a 'model boyfriend' until he met your DD? Interesting.

Sounds to me as if he was on his 'best behaviour' until you made a gesture that showed him you had become emotionally 'attached' and considered him a long term prospect. Now he can relax and start to let his 'true self' shine through. Wonder what other little red flags he has in store for you. I don't know if you think the fact that he apparently can't go a week without showing behaviour or making 'comments' to the point you felt you had to 'satisfy' him to shut him up is a red flag, but it is for me.

I have millions of thoughts every day that I do not share with my husband.

It's not lying by omission. It is not dishonesty.

I would gain no benefit from knowing that he just thought about how nice it would be to shag the waitress serving us.

Am I meant to get excited by that? What do I do with that information? 'Oh great darling, I am so glad you told me. I feel so connected to you when you tell me you are thinking about shagging someone else. Thank you for sharing your inner world with me dear'.

It is not dishonest, thoughts are allowed to be private. In fact, a great many should be kept private.

OP- you know your boyfriend is shit. But I'm guessing you're not going to end it.

Yet women seem to be desperate to cut them a lot of slack. We all deserve better.

Sounds like he's reverted to type
I would not put up with that
You didn't over react

Gee whizz... you shouldn't be together in order for you to "sort him out".

If you're meant to be in a committed (which I assume you want as you've introduced him to your dc) relationship, having sex, isn't about sorting anyone out, it's should be a loving physical way of showing your love, of both of you naturally pleasing each other out of a deep sense of giving and receiving of gestures and kindness snd words and building your world with each other.

I'm not saying he's too young for you because of his birth age, but he's way too immature in his attitude.

Stick to your guns, and don't let his view s on life and people drag you into his pit if degradation.

Beware for your daughter too.

Seriously, you'd be better alone, and raise your standards before searching for your forever person.

The first three comments are fairly standard 'lad' banter.
The comment re what he would do with the horserider was WAY over the line.

This.
I couldn't be with someone like this. He sounds vile.

Oh good grief.

Don't you have The Ick yet?

This kid's true personality and attitude to women is coming out now he's no longer on his best behaviour with you.

My self esteem is fine thank you! 😊

Is it though? Genuinely, honestly, is it?
The fact that you are going to stay with someone to blatantly disrespectful and tbh, so gross would say otherwise. This is not said with malice, but concern.

he thinks his probationary period is over now he’s met your daughter - newsflash it’s never over!

Say he had flu and wasn’t up for sex, would you a) make him a warm drink and have a chilled out weekend together b) complain that you’re sexually frustrated and make comments to him about strangers like “I wouldn’t mind him licking me like he’s licking that ice cream”? He’s gone for option b here and you’re genuinely wondering if that is shite behaviour or not. It definitely is. You know that creepy old guy in the pub who makes leery comments - that’s your boyfriend that is. Now you know you can act. Sorry he’s turned out so disappointing 😢

So you now want to be engaged ?

just because they are standard ‘lad banter’, that doesn’t make it ok

His self-proclaimed humorous remarks only make people think he is stupid.

This is just the beginning OP. How much more will you take? None, hopefully, lose him ASAP.

He sounds delightful!

DH once said about his SIL, she must be a cracking shag cause there's nothing going on upstairs

There's something very distasteful about a thread that started as wondering about appropriate 'jokes' has now turned into people bullying OP to end a relationship based entirely on this and their own insecurities. 👀

Oh please get rid of this overgrown baby and raise the bar, it's only a few centimetres off the floor!!

Jesus Christ OP....If you stick with this guy, in another 12 months he will be verbally and emotionally abusing you and you will be wishing you'd left him now. Stop ignoring these red flags.

He was on his best behaviour before but since you introduced him he feels as though he has his ‘feet under the table’ as they used to say and feels he can drop his guard.

All of the comments you list would more than give me the ick - they signal he is a sexist, misogynistic boor who probably saves Andrew Tate podcasts. You were not unreasonable to lose it with him - and would be even less unreasonable to end it here and now. If only to demonstrate to your DD that no woman should be spoke to or about the way this neanderthal does.