Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

[PeachTea9]

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

Disgusting.

But he won’t change. He’ll be on his best behaviour for a while but then revert back to this.
You will just get annoyed every once in a while and snap at him. He’ll behave and then the cycle will just continue. He’s showing you who he is yet
you aren’t going to get rid. You’re almost defending him in your responses on here. Someone said something about improving your self worth and self esteem, I agree with them.

He's showing you who he is, be careful, OP. I would never have such a person around a child. What a horrible example he's giving, sounds extremely emotionally immature.

Apart from the constant sex stuff, which I'd find tedious - it would kind of worry me, in your place, that he's:

1. giving you the "silent treatment" for asking you him to stop doing something you've told him upsets you. Even if it's somehow really important to him to make these remarks, he should be able to discuss it with you and at least consider trying not to speak that way in front of you. The silent treatment can be a red flag if it means he's trying to control your behaviour by punishing you for having (or voicing) a different opinion/different needs in the hope that you'll stop speaking up. (And while the way you phrased it may be a little rude, so's a lot of the stuff he has said, so I doubt that's the issue!!)
2. trying to get you to change your boundaries. He may like speaking this way and think it's fine, but it can't come as any surprise to him that you, like a lot of people, do not. Why "you're a prude and must stop being one" rather than "I guess we have different standards/views/norms about this"?

It wasn't a one-off, pissed occasion though - was it? He's done it more than once and when he's sober.

He doesn't need to be pissed to invoke the old saying "when the beer goes in, the truth comes out" - does he?

This is who he IS.

Funny how he's only recently become "clumsy with words".

If this wasn't enough to make you dump him, without seeking advice from MN, then your self-esteem isn't fine......

and if there is, will you still stay with a man who thinks like this? the apology would only be for the fact that he let you see what sort of man he is. He'll still be that sort of man. what example are you setting for your daughter if you stay?

Think you might be a lost cause, OP. I hope you practice what you’ve preached on here, for your daughter’s sake.

For me an apology wouldn’t be of any value. I simply couldn’t stay with a man who had thoughts in his head like this, let alone one who felt at ease about spouting them to his girlfriend. He’s misogynistic and vile. Why would an apology change that?

🙄

It's about setting boundaries I wouldn't give up on him just yet if this is a first time. He apologised all you can do is see how he is from now onwards.

Apart from the OP, who wants a man who is a misogynist? One who you have to tell not to make crude comments about wanting other women to ride him.

He's not a catch, is he? He's sexually frustrated because his GF is on her period.. cry me a fucking river.

He may well change his behaviour around OP, but he has shown who he is and how he thinks. Doesn't matter if he never makes crude comments again, OP knows the way he thinks now. An apology changes nothing.

But of course, OP will put up with it. She deserves better though. Women deserve better than shit men like this.

It was not a one off and his apology was dreadful.

This is a grown man, not a fourteen year old.

I can imagine he will get worse as he ages and end up like the old men who post obscene, frankly lewd comments and photographs on facebook.

Get rid of him! You can do better and you have a child for goodness sakes, who deserved a better male role model. Thankfully no child with him.

And if she does end up pregnant to him, what are the odds of him using tinder,escort site's whilst she's pregnant.

The op either finds an older man who has grown out of it and is ouzing with personality or a boring young man who wants to settle down. Op comes with baggage and she will have to get past mummy first she put a lot into her son to make him mature. There was a reason she choose this young immature man.

Most men are misogynists you have to pick the right one.

Pay all that money all he has to do is go to a club and buy 1 drink. He's 28 he isn't ready to settle down yet. If the op wants to stay with him then she needs to set boundaries.

Isn't the problem more that he is making judgements of value based on body?

Doesn't she squash him.... code for he's too good for her because she's fat.

Fry an egg... she's sexy and I value that

Hung like a horse....she's too good for him

She can ride me like that...example of a woman good enough for him.

All about their bodies and for the women, how they are or aren't good enough for him based on body. I'm guessing he's never complimented a woman on anything else. And as if these women would want him.

As your DD grows, he will value and treat her this way. If not sexually, at least as a person. He will engage more with her if she's cool and popular but not if she's plain. Really think about that.

Most women are misogynists, if we're honest.

I would find it so unattractive and once you get the ick it’s over.

Huge red flag.

An apology won't help when what he says is what he actually thinks!

@PeachTea9 Oh, so it's your fault!
What a joke.
He's vile. I really don't see why you'd want him in your life.

Is this the kind of relationship you'd want your daughter to be tolerating later in life? I suspect not.

I can't undestand why you're putting up with someone so grim.

He sounds crass
who actually talks like that ! ! and to their gf , I’ve never gotten crude , no matter the age ..
💯 would give me the ick !
Plus you don’t want him talking like that Infront of your DD & he will …
As another PP has said , can you imagine how he speaks when you’re not around…

Childish twat. Bin him.

His behaviour is inappropriate and huffing is classed as abusive Throw this one back you deserve better !