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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

306 replies

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 17:55

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

OP posts:
Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 19:47

SoundedCat · 09/03/2025 19:32

Don't you think that's a bit north of insecure?

I don't know what you mean by " north of insecure".

Fair enough if you have an open relationship but if you are supposed to be monogamous then telling your partner you fancy someone else is disrespectful.

What's the difference, apart from the crudity , between saying " she 's hot" and what OP's partner said?

But you didn't think there was anything wrong with what he said anyway so your expectations in your relationship are different from mine.

Penguinmouse · 09/03/2025 19:47

Oh this would give me such an ick. Not worth the explaining of why these comments are inappropriate - just end it. You’ve got one child, you don’t need another.

TheNewSchmoo · 09/03/2025 19:50

He sounds a twat and I'd get rid, but I also laughed out loud at the poster who proclaimed "He's a sexual pervert" like Hyacinth Bucket

SoundedCat · 09/03/2025 19:51

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 19:47

I don't know what you mean by " north of insecure".

Fair enough if you have an open relationship but if you are supposed to be monogamous then telling your partner you fancy someone else is disrespectful.

What's the difference, apart from the crudity , between saying " she 's hot" and what OP's partner said?

But you didn't think there was anything wrong with what he said anyway so your expectations in your relationship are different from mine.

I think I find honesty in my relationship more important than a socially constructed perception of respect.

BMW6 · 09/03/2025 19:55

Honestly OP this is a ridiculously easy fix - just tell him to get lost!

You can do far, far better than a twerp like him!

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 09/03/2025 19:59

Definitely dump him. The 'hung like a horse' was a perfectly normal observation (& quite funny) but the rest? Eugh. Get rid.

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:01

Neveranynamesleft · 09/03/2025 19:40

We really don't need to hear about any more of his nonsense and surely you don't need any more people to tell you to get rid....

It was more for those who’ve suggested I was being a bit sensitive (and people are perfectly entitled to that opinion!)

OP posts:
Mrsdyna · 09/03/2025 20:06

What a weirdo he is.

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 09/03/2025 20:08

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 18:00

I’m annoyed that I introduced him to my DD before Christmas and he has only started playing up in the weeks since then. I would never have introduced him otherwise!

Time to get rid of this is what he's like now I'll bet he'd be tenfold worse if he moved in .
Bye bye teen brain 28year old.

AngelicKaty · 09/03/2025 20:12

@PeachTea9 You're not being a bit sensitive at all OP. It would be bad enough if he made comments like these once in a blue moon, but the fact that he's now doing so on a nauseatingly regular basis would finish it for me. If these thoughts pop out of his mouth so easily, I'd be worrying what he's thinking about all the time! And you've been together for less than a year. How much longer before his crude comments extend to talking about you? You know what you need to do OP.

Doodleflips · 09/03/2025 20:14

Why are you still with him? This is not ok, and you deserve more.

rainbowsparkle28 · 09/03/2025 20:14

You have been together just under a year. Just leave and end it - seriously! You do not need this drama and immaturity, don’t waste your life with someone like that and just get rid 🙏

Epidote · 09/03/2025 20:17

He is an idiot, isn't he?

Crazybaby123 · 09/03/2025 20:18

Oh he sounda tedious. Like being stuck in a carry on film. I thought my DHs sense of humour was annoying but hes not this bad :((

Skippydoodle · 09/03/2025 20:21

Does no one have a sense of humour these days? Bloody hell lighten up!

Bananalanacake · 09/03/2025 20:23

Just Don't let him move in with you

xsquared · 09/03/2025 20:25

Dump! Dump! Dump! You deserve better op. This is how he is and his behaviour isn't going to improve. Do not put up with this shit.

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 09/03/2025 20:25

Bananalanacake · 09/03/2025 20:23

Just Don't let him move in with you

Or have a child with him !!

Thepossibility · 09/03/2025 20:25

How embarrassing, he thinks he's being funny but he's just showing off what an utter dickhead he is.

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

OP posts:
Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 09/03/2025 20:28

So he's kind of put it back on you because of your period and that's the reason for foul comments about other women wtaf.

Onlyvisiting · 09/03/2025 20:28

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 19:47

I don't know what you mean by " north of insecure".

Fair enough if you have an open relationship but if you are supposed to be monogamous then telling your partner you fancy someone else is disrespectful.

What's the difference, apart from the crudity , between saying " she 's hot" and what OP's partner said?

But you didn't think there was anything wrong with what he said anyway so your expectations in your relationship are different from mine.

To be clear- I would think a single making the comments the ops boyfriend did was equally inappropriate and vile, it's not about the lack of respect to his partner, its the lack of respect for women in general that is the issue for me.

As far as acknowledging you find someone else attractive- there is a big difference between saying some is attractive and saying you'd like to have or are imagining having sex with them. One could be ok in a secure relationship, the other is not.

GiddyRobin · 09/03/2025 20:29

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

So now it's your fault that he's disgusting for daring to be on your period and not servicing him. Has he not got a hand?

Jesus Christ. What a lousy excuse.

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:30

I’ve not replied, I can’t work out if it’s insulting?!

OP posts:
Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 09/03/2025 20:30

It is insulting without question.