Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

[PeachTea9]

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

He thinks he's got his feet under the table now...

Being discreet is not equivalent to keeping dirty secrets. We don’t have to blurt out every thought which enters our heads, especially when it is disrespectful to our partner!

Crude snd vulgar, you have a daughter how would you like her to have to listen to this idiot when she is older. Kick hom out. Ugh

You’re clearly just not well suited. I don’t think the comments are that bad (abit juvenile) and the one about the man being dull I thought was pretty funny. If you don’t have the same humour then this is just not going to work as laughing together is really important.

even if you ‘shut him down’ he’ll still be this way out of earshot. If he was decent and made a silly joke then he’d have apologised after you said not funny. He didn’t. He’s not a gent. Send him back.

We are meant to be going on our first holiday at the start of April…just my luck 😫

We aren’t seeing each other until Thursday this week, I’m going to send him a message to say that he needs to improve his behaviour or we are over. That will prove how serious he is about me.

It's only funny if both people are laughing...nothing this guy said is funny. If you think he's funny then you're as puerile and immature as him

We do usually have a laugh but I have to draw the line at him suggesting he wants another woman to ride him!

Yeah in fairness that one wasn’t best!

Early on in my relationship with my lovely husband he occasionally do milder versions of these sort of comment. I told him he was talking to me not his mates and to pack it in.

Yours sounds like he's got far too comfortable with you, and that he no longer respects you. Yuck.

I’d rather be immature than rude and insulting to people on the internet. I don’t think he’s hilarious by any stretch and I wouldn’t be too happy with the riding comment but I was making the point that they clearly have different senses of humour and that’s not good so it’s not going to work in my opinion.

You can ask him to stop, and he might stop. But you know he'll still be thinking like that and won't that bother you? For example you'll see a scenario you know he would have cracked a comment about and wonder what childish sex related thing he's thinking.

Isn't that exactly what they said, except without the moralising!?

Yes. The well hung comment is the best one, closely followed by the egg one. They're not groundbreaking are they, I don't suggest that he should give up his day job.
But presumably they were off the cuff, so you can't really hold him to the standard of a professional comedian.

It's good to feel comfortable enough with another person to have a laugh with them without have to censor yourself and to know that your comments won't be taken in all seriousness. Life's about joy isn't it? Clearly this is not the case here, they don't sound well suited

His comments are gross. But I would have to LTB, it's not (just) the casual crudeness of the expression that I'd find offensive, it's the attitude behind it. Judgmental, objectifying and just plain nasty, it wouldn't be any better if he is saying these things to his friends, do you want someone around you and your DD who is even THINKING that type of thing?

I don't think that is what you should be focussing on.

I would have found comments 1 and 3 funny, as the people involved weren’t there to hear them and they’re probably the sort of thing a lot of people would think. But I wouldn’t be impressed at all if my boyfriend was pointing out other women and saying he wants them to ride him or commenting on what great bodies he thinks they have. Obviously I don’t expect my partner not to find other women attractive and I don’t really care who or what he looks at, but I would find it disrespectful if he kept telling me about it and YANBU at all to feel the way you do.

What's the point in him improving his behaviour? He'll still be the same misogynistic pig, he just won't be saying it out loud. I'd be gone, he sounds rancid.

He is immature, stupid or both.

He sounds like his sense of humour is about 40 years behind the times.

I find this repulsive!

Don't get me wrong, misogyny is rife in society and we need to stamp it out where we can, but we're losing sight of the real problem if we keep pretending that finding other women, whether or not they say it aloud, is misogynistic. Are you really going to act like you've never thought about being railed by Aiden Turner or Regé-Jean Page... or some hot thing in Levi's and a tight tee in Tesco?

Yeah, absolutely - that’s just disrespectful.

Which tesco do you shop in? 😈🤣

Are you dating one of the inbetweeners? That's really unattractive in a partner so I'd be throwing that one back

DO NOT waste any more time with this man.

He’s testing the waters and seeing what you will let him get away with. I had an ex like that, he would deliberately make crude comments, which turned into sexually complimenting other woman on the tv and what not. Cheeky git took the hump when I used to completely ignore whatever he said (knew he wanted a reaction) and asked why I wasn’t jealous of him talking about other woman ? 🤔

Don’t try and think it’s just an age thing, I’m younger than your DP and find it fucking repulsive.