Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

[PeachTea9]

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

Don't be daft. There's nothing wrong with finding someone attractive, but it's the things he's said and the language he's used. It's objectifying and he thought it was perfectly alright to say aloud to his partner about her friends. You're focusing entirely on the comment about the woman on the horse, too.

His comments are repugnant, and he sounds vile.

Oh god, surely you’re not going to settle for a man that you have to tell to behave like he’s another one of your children? Raise your bar and dump him

@SororitySister no its really not perfectly fine OP get rid

I dread to think what this guy is like when he is out with his mates. It doesn't take much to imagine what they are like if he thinks this is the normal way to talk to his partner.
Unbelievable some pp actually think this is reasonable behaviour from an allegedly adult man.

Oh throw this one back he sounds disgusting, he’s already showing you he has absolutely no respect for you imagine what it’d be like a few years down the line. Seriously you can do better

It’s not your fault, he thinks he’s safe now. You’ve introduced him to DD, he thinks it’s a done deal.

Presumably he has some redeeming qualities, maybe he will shut up now, if not time to get rid or keep the relationship at arms length.

It's not about finding other people attractive though is it? There is a big difference between saying to your partner 'wow, she's hot' and looking at a random passing woman and making a crude sexual comment. How would you feel about it if you were the one he was leering at? It's just ick.

I can’t bear men like that. If that makes me humourless, fine. It would be over for me.

not an overreacting at all. Sounds like he’s about 12.

You think a guy turning to his partner and saying " wow she's hot" when he sees another woman is acceptable?
It very slightly less crude than what OP's partner said but I don't think telling your partner you think another random woman is "hot" is appropriate either!

So he said he wanted another woman to have sex with him and you're still with him?

Depending on how old your daughter is I would explain to her in an age appropriate way why you broke up with him (and you should) our daughter's need us to model these boundaries to them so they don't grow up putting up with the same shit.

Another MN thread where a woman is dating Jay from The Inbetweeners.

Honestly he sounds a totally immature dick

Urgh read my message without the random apostrophe! Daughters

Some people will find that funny some people won’t. You don’t.

Don't you think that's a bit north of insecure?

Don't you mean ex-boyfriend? If you don't, you should....and pronto! What a pig!

Just for further context, the horse riding comment was the tip of the iceberg this weekend as he made some other crude comments when we were together on Friday night. Commenting on the appearance of people on TV shows and saying about one woman - ‘she looks like she has ate plenty of arses in her time’ - silly stuff like that but humour I left being in my teens…

I wouldn't like that, op. Whatever he may say to you in private, as long as it's gentle, is one thing but in public and about others is just not on.

There are much older men who talk freely like that. They are the sort you would be advised to avoid at work.

I belong to a couple of 'elderly people's' facebook groups and there are men who post lewd remarks, jokes and pictures. When people complain, and they do, they're shut down and told to lighten up, not be prudish. It is usually women who tell them they are disgusting but some men find it highly embarrassing and say it makes them feel ashamed. I won't tell you what I read today. What is shocking is that there are some women who openly encourage it (I can almost hear them cackling), and we're all old! Imagine if any of their children or grandchildren saw it.

Your chap needs to be told, guidelines about what is appropriate and what is not. I sincerely hope he grows out of it. If not, you know what you have to do.

That's so unattractive

We really don't need to hear about any more of his nonsense and surely you don't need any more people to tell you to get rid....

He’s given me the ick without even having to meet him.

That's disgusting. He's literally telling you how he thinks about women. It's not "silly", it's offensive. I couldn't sit in the same room as him, let alone have sex with him. Urgh.

It's not funny, it's disrespectful. I wouldn't put up with it.

To be honest, i think he wants you to finish with him. And the fact you are not finishing with him after he told you he wants a random women to fuck him, shows poor boundaries of you.