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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

306 replies

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 17:55

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 09/03/2025 20:31

My periods lasted one week every month. I wouldn't put up with this kind of behaviour for a quarter of my life. He needs to find another way to get over his frustration if he wants to continue in a relationship with you.

Onlyvisiting · 09/03/2025 20:31

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

What a ridiculous little man child.
So if you don't want to have sex with him for any reason that is going to be am excuse for him to act like a total prick? His behaviour is somehow your responsibility to manage by being sexually available?
Fuck that. (Or rather- don't. Dump and run)

ThriveAT · 09/03/2025 20:31

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 17:55

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

This is the real him and it's not attractive.

GiddyRobin · 09/03/2025 20:33

Oh come on, OP. Of course it's bloody insulting. He's blaming you for his poor behaviour by suggesting it wouldn't have happened if you'd shagged him. Again, it shows exactly how he thinks of women - not only the vile shit he's said, but also that it's your responsibility to contain him by having sex to keep him polite!

Sparkletastic · 09/03/2025 20:33

Yeah he's trying to make it your fault

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 20:34

Onlyvisiting · 09/03/2025 20:28

To be clear- I would think a single making the comments the ops boyfriend did was equally inappropriate and vile, it's not about the lack of respect to his partner, its the lack of respect for women in general that is the issue for me.

As far as acknowledging you find someone else attractive- there is a big difference between saying some is attractive and saying you'd like to have or are imagining having sex with them. One could be ok in a secure relationship, the other is not.

It's one thing to find someone else attractive.
What I don't understand is why you think it's normal to tell your partner you find someone else attractive. That is what you seem to be saying.
To my mind there is no positive reason to tell your partner you find someone else attractive.

IsawwhatIsaw · 09/03/2025 20:34

I had to double check his age as he sounds about 14. Don’t mind a joke, but these comments aren’t funny are they. I’d end this now.

Loloj · 09/03/2025 20:35

I don’t think the comments are that bad really- yes a little immature but it also depends on the tone - if said in a completely “joking” tone (which is how I interpreted them), then I can’t say I’d be that offended. Yes the riding one is pushing it. But if it’s giving you the ick then you’re not very well suited.

However, just saw your last update re TOTM- this would annoy me more than the crude comments tbh.

utterlyfedup2 · 09/03/2025 20:36

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

So his bad behavior is somehow your fault/responsibility?

TwistedWonder · 09/03/2025 20:37

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

He’s a pathetic man child making inappropriate comments and then turning DARVO to make it your fault.

Tell him to have a wank

KittyMittyDooDah · 09/03/2025 20:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Zucker · 09/03/2025 20:38

Oh so it's your fault as he didn't get his end away this weekend. FFS.

titchy · 09/03/2025 20:38

says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

And yet he still said them. Time and time again. Then blamed you.

Is this what you want as a role model for your dd?

Huckyfell · 09/03/2025 20:38

You've given him an ultimatum, he'll learn. Sometimes you have to read them the riot act for them to mature. I wouldn't get shut yet.

PickAChew · 09/03/2025 20:41

He's ruled by his dick. Not great partner material.

Dollydaydream100 · 09/03/2025 20:42

Please don't think this is normal behaviour for most men. Dh has never made comments like this in over 20 years of being together and if he had I'd have chucked him.

He sounds like a juvenile, misogynistic twerp who would make any woman's fanny clamp shut.

DorothyStorm · 09/03/2025 20:43

utterlyfedup2 · 09/03/2025 20:36

So his bad behavior is somehow your fault/responsibility?

This op. This isn't an apology. This is a red flag.

2025willbemytime · 09/03/2025 20:47

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

This is just making it worse. Like it's your fault for having perfectly normal bodily functions. I'm shocked he didn't t say you owed him oral sex since you can't or don't want to fuck him.

2025willbemytime · 09/03/2025 20:48

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:30

I’ve not replied, I can’t work out if it’s insulting?!

Oh come on. Surely you know it is? If you don't then get educated quick. If it's fake innocence then stop.

SL2924 · 09/03/2025 20:50

Omg, he can’t behave if you don’t shag him?! Eurgh 🤮

CJsGoldfish · 09/03/2025 20:51

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

Well, OP, if you continue to see him after this, it's on you 🤷‍♀️

LBFseBrom · 09/03/2025 20:53

PeachTea9 · Today 20:26
He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…
........
Dreadful man, no self control. Somehow I doubt he will change, he's sleazy.

You can do better, you are still young. It's time to draw a line and move on.

Molstraat · 09/03/2025 20:54

You have brought this disgusting pig into your daughters life?
Think about that.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 09/03/2025 20:56

It’s insulting and pathetic. He sounds hugely immature. Whats you being on your period got to do with anything? You’re not a sex doll.
It is not just crude commentary it’s insulting your friends as well.
At 31, you are wasting your time with this one. That would make me not want him to touch me again.
Cancel the holiday and don’t introduce anyone else to your DD for a while.

Merryoldgoat · 09/03/2025 20:57

PeachTea9 · 09/03/2025 20:26

He has text me to say sorry for his comment earlier and that he has been in his words ‘OTT’ this weekend. He says he has felt sexually frustrated because it has been my TOTM which has meant we’ve not done the deed (sorry for tmi) but says he knows he shouldn’t have said those things…

Are you kidding? Please just dump him.

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