He gives me the ick

[Doubleunders]

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

Bloody hell, end it. I'd get the ick with this too.

Yes. People say you can't get over the ick and ime that's true. The things he does turn you off, and even if he miraculously stopped them all (he won't), you can't unsee the fact he's done them before.

I'm laughing at the face stroking though, how performative. If anyone has ever seen Face/Off I'm picturing that stupid thing that John Travolta's character does with all his family which still winds me up.

If you dread the thought of sex with him then it's over Op, you can't spend the rest of your life feeling like that. Tell him goodbye as kindly as you can but don't back down

If you don’t want to have sex with him, don’t. If he ‘expects’ sex and doesn’t realise that you don’t want to/ don’t fancy him, that is not a relationship of equals who fancy each other, it’s exploitative on one side and just weird in the other.

Don’t be a plaything.

I would end it.
I had an almost identical situation (I was 37, he was 35) but the behaviour you describe was so similar!
We went to the cinema and he would full on kiss me multiple times through the film, surely that's what teenagers do, I wanted to watch the film!
We went to a party with his friends and when we were all sitting chatting he would text me things like "I'm so proud to be here with you" he was literally sitting right next to me.
When he dropped me home one morning he asked to come in for a nap despite it being a 10 minute drive to his house.

I ended it and went no contact, it was the kindest thing to do, I had to be very clear with him as to why I ended it and not give him any hope it would work in the future.

Yes! He’s done similar with me too! Is this the same guy?! He’ll text me with how proud he is to be with me, he stares at me out in public with these puppy dog eyes.
and I am not a teenager anymore that needs to make out in the cinema!
I also noticed in the cinema, that he wasn’t watching the film but just staring at me! I tried to ignore as much as possible but it was distracting!

Also, we went out for dinner a while ago and he wanted to walk me round the restaurant. It kind to show me the view and it kind of felt like he was just walking me around to show me off or something. I know that sounds big headed but it was kind of a ‘she’s mine’ feeling.

The ick is your body's way of telling you he's not the one. If he was you would find these things funny or manageable not repulsive. Throw it back

I also noticed in the cinema, that he wasn’t watching the film but just staring at me!

Urrrrghhhhhhhhhhh.

He also lives around an hour away and when we don’t see each other, he never calls because he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. We didn’t see each other for nearly 2 weeks, and not once did we speak apart from the usual texts of ‘ Good morning, have a great day’ kind of thing.
I’ve tried to explain that we can’t keep a connection going if we don’t speak.
To be honest, I didn’t miss him in those 2 weeks and responding to his messages was more out of politeness.

If it wasn't for his age I would definitely think it's the same guy!

You definitely need to end it. And in my experience, the 'staying friends' thing just doesn't work. So it needs to be a clean break.

Text him now to say you aren't feeling great and can't see him today. Then call tomorrow and end it.

Thinking on it Op, it's his age that's the real problem. If you were both 17 this might seem quite sweet, but from a grown man of 43 it's way over the top and a bit childish.

He sounds awful. Not sweet in the slightest - more controlling and possessive.

There are SO MANY red flags for this "relationship".

I'd end it now and not drag it out any longer. This clearly isn't the person for you!!

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

Your ick is your instincts telling you he's a fucking nutjob. Men who act like this early on end up being possessive and controlling later on.

I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy

What happened when you tried to end it before?

Yes agree you have the ick . Everything he's doing is causing you to see it as a negative ( running a hand down your face doesn't ruin your make up ) but the ick multiplies everything 10 fold.
Why are you finding it hard to get rid ? You don't owe him anything , just send a text , or next time you see him tell him you are busy over the next few weeks and start the slow fade .

That's EXACTLY what I did. Told him I felt sick and he left me alone for a day, the next day I said it was over

No. He is deeply, deeply, insecure. I say this from experience: the 'sweet, kind, generous' man you think you know is an act, a performance so you 1) want to stick around as he's so 'kind' and 2) feel guilty for leaving, which is exactly what's happening.

I hate to tell you, but he doesn't have feelings for 'you', but the idea of you. If you switched places with a doppelganger in the middle of the night he wouldn't even notice. That's why he's so OTT with everything, he's playing a part to suck you in and the longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.

You should end it. Never stay with someone because they sound good on paper.

Him following you to the toilet made me think he was there to make sure you came back or controlling at worst.

He doesn't sound sweet and kind at all. He sounds weird and controlling.

It's concerning that you responded for 2 weeks by text "out of politeness". You don't have to do this.

Listen to and trust your instincts. Then act on them!

What's the point in that?
OP, just end it today.

He sounds like a PITA but even if he wasn't, you obviously need to end it because you don't want to be with him! It couldn't be clearer. What are you waiting for?