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Original poster

He gives me the ick

183 replies

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:15

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

OP posts:
Lyannaa · 09/03/2025 08:07

This is more than just 'the ick' you are completely repelled by him. End it - you can't do this any more.

2025mustbebetter · 09/03/2025 08:07

You've literally said there's not a bad bone in his body and in the next sentence demonstrated the bad bones in his body- wanting to literally tag you with a label as his to other men.

Huge red flags. End it today!

Hazel665 · 09/03/2025 08:08

In my personal experience, once you have the ick, early on like this, then best to end it before things go too far.

DarkMagicStars · 09/03/2025 08:11

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:59

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

Show quote history

He sounds fake to me. You are giving snippets of the real him in your posts so have a read back.

He is possessive, obsessive, jealous, he sounds very manipulative hidden behind a sickly sweet front.

DazedDragon · 09/03/2025 08:14

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:59

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

Show quote history

He sounds seriously creepy!

Jealousy is VERY unattractive.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 09/03/2025 08:19

Daleksatemyshed · 09/03/2025 07:23

If you dread the thought of sex with him then it's over Op, you can't spend the rest of your life feeling like that. Tell him goodbye as kindly as you can but don't back down

Absolutely this, jesus

Imbusytodaysorry · 09/03/2025 08:23

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:15

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

Before you said the chemistry was gone I was reading thinking this isn’t the ick it’s her gut telling her he is a bad one.

Now I’ve read all your OP I think you should run.
I bet he love bombed you . Doing that to your face in public is Control showing everyone he is yours. Oh he’s lovely when I reality I bet it’s all a face .
He follows you to the toilet just wow .
This one will end up and abusive controling man. .
You don’t have the ick your gut is screaming at you that this is not good.

You have to end it and set firm boundaries.
Agree to no contact and stick to it as he won’t, that was just a move to get you to stay with him. .
I think when you end it you’re going to have to prepare for a tricky time. .
He may even want to end his life unless you get back together . Don’t fall for the manipulation

theoriginalpinkpowerranger · 09/03/2025 08:26

Is his name Chris?

LostInDenver · 09/03/2025 08:27

He sounds creepy, jealous and controlling. Get rid.

Imbusytodaysorry · 09/03/2025 08:28

FortyElephants · 09/03/2025 08:04

He sounds like a PITA but even if he wasn't, you obviously need to end it because you don't want to be with him! It couldn't be clearer. What are you waiting for?

She is waiting because he has played a blinder .
He didn’t see her or call for two weeks more game playing .

PsychoHotSauce · 09/03/2025 08:28

theoriginalpinkpowerranger · 09/03/2025 08:26

Is his name Chris?

I have to say I could throw out half a dozen names of men I've experienced similar behaviour from. Sadly this behaviour isn't that unusual.

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/03/2025 08:34

Why would you even ask?

You're not married. You don't live together. You have no shared DCs nor are you reliant on him financially.

You don't fancy him, he irritates the fuck out of you, he's annoying. You don't have to ghost him or block him or any of that bullshit. Just a good old fashioned "this doesn't work for me anymore, I'm not seeing a future for us, wishing you all the best, bye"

Honestly, what do you expect MN to say?

kungfoofighting · 09/03/2025 08:37

I’ve got the ick with him too. End it OP!

AlertCat · 09/03/2025 08:38

I’m wondering why you feel you can’t just tell him it’s over? What’s the hold he has over you?

That in itself is a red flag imo.

Glitchymn1 · 09/03/2025 08:39

Stroking you and staring at you isn’t great, at least not when you’ve told him you don’t like it and he’s carried on. He sounds jealous and possessive. You don’t fancy him so end it, don’t sleep with him out of pity.

You need to just tell him that you aren’t feeling it and let him go.

Loloj · 09/03/2025 08:40

Definitely end it. He’s definitely not behaving in a normal way so I’d tell him why - the whole full on performative kissing thing is gross and a huge turn off.

gamerchick · 09/03/2025 08:41

What happened when you tried to end it before?

Look, your whole body is trying to tell you this isn't the guy for you. Send him a message and call off today. If you can't end it today just call it off. Don't give him an excuse he can work around. Just say you're not feeling it today.

You need to get rid of this person before he tries to climb inside your skin.

RossGellersCat · 09/03/2025 08:42

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:59

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

Show quote history

To me the example you've given here literally sounds like him being possessive and controlling. Asking you to drop him into conversation with another male is not normal or healthy, he's essentially saying he doesn't trust you.

From experience I'd say the face stroking (ewww) and the accompanying you to the toilet (I.e not letting you out of his sight) can be signs of controlling behaviour as well. Honestly OP, you're better off without him. X

PlanningTowns · 09/03/2025 08:47

Your oats not only gave me the ick but full on shudders. Taking you to the loo in the middle of the film. BIG RED FLAG 🚩 if you stayed with him, he will change subtly over time into a controlling arse that won’t let you out or have your own voice. What was he worried about when you went to the loo? That you would fall down it???

it is very much ok to throw this one back in.

and how odd he didn’t talk to you for 2 weeks.

TinyGiraffe23 · 09/03/2025 08:54

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:59

He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body.
I did try to end it a while ago though, when he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing. I felt like he basically would like me to walk around with a t shirt saying I was taken.

Show quote history

🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

AutumnFroglets · 09/03/2025 08:54

Do The Freedom Programme as soon as possible @Doubleunders .

You are forcing yourself to have sex with him despite being repulsed.
You are responding to his texts out of politeness.

That is not normal behaviour.

Chachacha25 · 09/03/2025 09:00

You are allowed to end it you know?

Make a decision and stick to it. Beware though as he will react badly - begging and pleading and then likely to get nasty so have a plan. Don’t meet as friends or just to listen to him.

I recognised the type when a pp above said he was false.

He does sound gross 🤮

Cryingatthegym · 09/03/2025 09:03

Sounds love bombing and controlling to me. The ick you're feeling is probably your instincts telling you that this guy isn't genuine.

UpTheLaganInABubble1 · 09/03/2025 09:06

He is not sweet. He is creepy and possessive. And he's embarrassing, but the other things are worse

andthat · 09/03/2025 09:10

Doubleunders · 09/03/2025 07:15

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

Saying this with kindness @Doubleunders but come on…. are you really asking if you should end it?!