He gives me the ick

[Doubleunders]

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

You know its actually easier to control someone (at least in the early stages) by being nice, its not until you are trapped that the mask slips.
By controlling you with his "puppy like adoration" not only does he get you to do what he wants but she gets you to doubt yourself and feel like you are a big meanie.
He's good, I will give him that

All of this. Brilliant post.

OP, pay attention to this. The man's a fucking nutcase - and a devious one, too. It's insidious the way these fuckers behave, they draw you in with the "I'm so sweet and adoring" bullshit, when really it's just possessiveness dressed up. Your body is telling you the truth - listen to it.

Me and DH are very romantic, so I'm not opposed to sweet stuff. This is not that. Reading your posts made my skin crawl.

He's giving me the ick the creeps and his behaviour feels quite dangerous and I'm a third party
Ensure you dump him properly and do not let him talk you round
Do not worry about hurting his feelings.
I'm glad to hear he lives an hour away but to me he gives off potential stalker vibes, so be alert to that possibility

@Doubleunders

Time for the old "It's not you, it's me" chat.

Men don’t think twice about ghosting and cutting women off dead so why do women stay and stay and then stay a little bit longer..

Dump him. Do not give him any hope or come back. Be blunt and then be ready to block him.

Omg! Hes super weird

Of course you'll hurt his feelings by ending it. But better do that now than in a few weeks or months

Just get rid of the wierdo

He doesn't have a key to your home does he? He couldn't have got one cut without you knowing?

😳😳

Why do you still think he’s kind and sweet? He sounds a fucking nightmarish lunatic.

God almighty 8 mo this of this shit ?

End it now. Today. Don’t let him feel you back in.

I agree he sounds dangerous - all of this in the early stages is just the beginning.

If you are dreading the thought of having sex with him,then there's really no future for the relationship.

Give him the elbow and get yourself a grown up. His behaviour is way over the top. Hand down your face and escorting you to the loo indeed!

So OP this bloke has given ALL OF US the ick

Please dump him for our sake

@Doubleunders have you spoken to him yet OP?

Does he sometimes look at you as if you are prey?

His behaviour isn’t controlling or possessive

he got jealous over some PT sessions I was having with a guy, where he wanted me to drop into conversation things like ‘my boyfriend has those trainers, that watch’ kind of thing

OP, can you genuinely not see that this is ABSOLUTELY a prime example of controlling and possessive behaviour?

In any case - the thought of having sex with this man makes you physically recoil, FFS. Of course you shouldn’t having a relationship with someone who, for any reason, makes you dread having to sleep with them. It’s insane that you haven’t dumped him already. Why on earth would you not dump someone who makes you feel like that?

I can see why you might try and work on the relationship if you were married with kids or something and couldn’t face having to break up a family and lose your house, but you’ve only been seeing him a few months! Ditching him really isn’t a big deal.

Following to the toilet that's plain weird.
Hopefully when you get rid he moves onto someone else.

Sorry OP but he doesn’t sound like the ‘sweetest kindest man’ - he sounds like a possessive controlling wanker.

I’ve said it before but I’ve never heard a grown man described as ‘sweet’ other than on ‘MN’ and it’s almost without exception used to describe the rare crumbs thrown by an abusive twat.

He’s a fucking nut job OP. He absolutely is controlling and manipulative. He’s waving those red flags in your face and you’re oblivious.

Dump him asap and block on every communication channel.

He sounds like a fruit loop. This would all freak me out. No wonder you have the ick. As a person of a similar age to you, I would never snog in the cinema like a 15 year old on a first date. Run.

End it and go NC for both your sakes. Reminds me a bit of my exH.
Shudder.

I've got the "ick" just reading this... waits for you outside the toilet? No. I wouldn't shag him either; that's giving Daddy vibes.

Yeah gross. Need to rip that plaster off.

Maybe you two dated the same guy lol

I am desperate for an update from OP .. is he history yet?

There’s no coming back from the ick, end it