He gives me the ick

[Doubleunders]

I’ve been dating a guy that I met through OLD on and off for 8 months, he’s wonderful and amazing and we could have an amazing life together but I just can’t shake this feeling that he gives me the ick, massively.
He’s so kind and generous and totally in love with me and I can’t put my finger on the issue and I’ve tried so hard to get over this feeling but we’re meant to be spending the day together today and all I can think is dread that he’s going to come to my house and going to want to sleep with me, the thought is filling me with dread. The day out is going to be fun and I love his company, but the chemistry part, that was there at the start seems to have gone. He does some things that really bug me and although I’ve brought them up before, he stops for a while but is starting again.

For example, I’m 37 and he’s 43 and when we go out in public, for dinner etc he tries to full on kiss me at the table, he strokes my face and hair, not a gentle stroke but it’s like a full hand sliding down my face and ruining my make up, it makes me physically recoil!
we went out to the cinema the other night and I said I was just going to get up to use the ladies half way through the film and he came with me and waited outside the toilets for me, I felt like a child.

Is this the sign that I need to break up with him or can I get over the ick?! I would love to stay friends but I tried that before in December but he doesn’t want to do that and would rather go no contact.
is it kinder to just end the relationship?

"I can't put my finger on the issues" OP I blooming can!

Sorry now OP , but this post made me laugh
He’s kind & amazing , I’d have a wonderful life with him , but it fills me with dread , thoughts of him coming over staying the night 🤣 🤣 🤣 …

All jokes aside , you can’t help it if you’re just not that into him 🤷🏻‍♀️….
least you won’t be bumping into him around cause he lives an hour away …

We've been had

Watching you while you sleep is creepy.
It's all a bit weird.- But that would make me scared.
You don't miss him. You find him strange. He makes you uncomfortable. I think get rid and maybe do it in public for your own safety

I stayed with a guy like this for a year. I tried to make him grow on me. He just didn’t. Like yours he was sweet and kind and gentlemanly but he just gave me the ick. In the end I felt cruel for stringing him along and just broke it off. I’m now in a 9 year relationship with someone else. There’s someone out there for you but not this guy.

🤣🤣

Sorry, OP. 🤭

Yup. Ickety ick.

Why be in a relationship if you can’t face sex?

Read any post on MN, and you can see men don’t (or rarely) bring anything else to the table.

A dear friend has a “new” boyfriend like this (both in late 40’s) with uni age kids from previous relationships. She adores the attention and adoration, and he’s a kind person, but it gives us friends the ick! Makes us all feel v uncomfortable watching this puppy dog behaviour, and so we don’t go out as a group much anymore. But not our relationship so can only look on with embarrassment, and hope it works out for them together.

Tbh I find this stuff and the previous stuff you've said creepy and not just ick.

Once you’ve got the Ick that’s it!

God no, I had the ick just reading your OP.

Following me to the loo would have been my final straw, I wouldn’t have been able to carry on after that.

I’d think not many would put up with his staring and PDA behaviour as long as you have.

Have you told him it's over yet, op? How did he take it? Will you update us over the coming days, please ... I have a horrible suspicion that he'll be difficult to get rid of. Good luck!

"He is the sweetest, kindest, most generous man, he’s really not got a bad bone in his body."

This description of him, after the other behaviour you describe doesn't make sense.

He is physical towards you in ways you do not like & you have told him you don't like. He still persists in doing it.

This is not sweet, kind,or generous. It is at best ignorant & disrespectful. Your opinion likes/dislikes & bodily autonomy don't matter to him.

You describe an insecure, jealous man who is trying to assert control over your life.

Get rid. Be thankful he lives so far away.

RUN.

I still feel guilty now but I had a boyfriend in my teens who I loved spending time with until we kissed for the first time. We are still good friends on FB. He was the sweetest guy you'd ever meet and he's happily married with kids now. He just wasn't right for me.

My DH, however, I kissed him on the cheek to say thanks and realised he was the one for me... We weren't even dating at that point.

You're feeling guilty because he's otherwise a lovely guy but he's not for you.

Crikey!
Me too!!
If that's the start it will only get worse. Who does that!
I feel he thinks you're his property, and that would be a massive red flag for me! Sorry! 💐

Are you sure? Sounds horrendously similar!
😬

😂

You say his behaviour “isn’t controlling or possessive” right after telling us that he wants you to make it clear to your PT that you have a partner. I hate to tell you this but that is exactly how controlling men behave in relationships. They start off nice as pie but start making subtle little suggestions about how you interact with other people, what you wear, etc, and before you know it he’s gaslighted you into dropping your friends and giving up your social life. Look up passive-aggressive coercive control and be sure to look out for the signs. But even if it’s not that, you’ve already admitted his behaviour gives you the ick and that’s only going to get worse with time!

Iron maiden sang a good song with that one 😅.

Yep dont go round to his place and do not let him in yours if he calls round.
Meet him in a supermarket cafe or outside a supermarket or shopping center where there is CCTV and security and tell him you want nothing more to do with him no staying friends just NADA.

You need to dump him and do the Freedom Programme with some urgency.

Also, we went out for dinner a while ago and he wanted to walk me round the restaurant

^

😂

Omg ditch this dude

I thought I’d better update you, after cancelling our plans on Sunday because I said I didn’t feel well, I left it a few days and sent him a long text last night as I didn’t want to talk to him. He replied with ‘ok, Burpees x’ and that was it!
If it’s like the previous time I ended it, I would imagine he’ll be back to sending messages again in a week or so, I just need to remember all of these comments about how his actions are creepy and stay strong!

I would block his number so he can’t contact you x