Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

[Upanddancingatsixinthemorning]

Aibu to be confused/pissed off by this?

Surprisingly, Dh & Dd made me a card and bought me flowers for International women’s day (we are in another country, generally this happens here) but I’d completely forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything.

In the card, Dh had written thank you for all I do for him and Dd etc and then something about me ‘Keeping a perfect home’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work part time as a teacher, do the majority of everything with Dd, plus bills etc, I have a cleaner every fortnight

I just can’t work out this comment, it sounds like something from the 1950’s and isn’t the thing I want to be recognised/appreciated for

Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

Is he not literally thanking you for all the shit that usually goes unseen and unacknowledged? The “women’s work”.

Eek. I wouldn't like this. If I was a SAHP or we'd agreed that the housework was all my responsibility then u guess a card ia a nice way to be formally recognised for that. But if in theory you're supposed to share housework but you end up doing most of it in practice or it doesn't get done, then I'd feel the same as you...like a few words in a card once a year, do not come close to making up for effectively just passing me your share of the chores for the past x years

I think he’s trying to show appreciation for what you do and is acknowledging you do a lot. I think maybe you are upset at the fact of how things are balanced between you as a team and you want it to be different. If that’s the case, you should talk to him. Not immediately because then it will likely all come down to the card which I suspect is not what it’s really about.

Surely a better way to thank you for doing all the extra work would be to pick up some other jobs etc to spread the load

I think it’s sort of a compliment in that your presence makes a house a home type thing. It is a big twee though.

I agree.

I think it’s a compliment and I’d take it as one.

I would not make much of it and think he meant well; what worries me is you said you have big issues in the relationship. Do you think it was sarcastic?

it is not like he gave you a hoover or kitchen utensils 😂

Exactly, sometimes there’s just no pleasing people, there has to be an autopsy, an inquest, digging into every word and nuance that someone makes, says or does.
I wonder sometimes how people manage to live from day to day with so much forensic digging going on!

It's a compliment in my book - regardless of whether it's given from/to a male or female - and it's nice that he has shown appreciation for it, is 100% how I'd take it in the context of a loving, healthy and considerate partnership.

But if there are serious issues between you then I can see why it might come across differently to you.

Jeez… people are offended by everything these days!!!

This just seems like a nice complement to me, but maybe you’re reading an underlying expectation that it’s your responsibility to manage the household, which is annoying to you if this is a point of contention between you? If you’re having trouble at the moment I wouldn’t make the card a point of the argument but try to step back and look at the bigger picture - maybe a calm sit down about how tasks are divided and the mental load etc?

Yeh. Why be one of the constantly offended? There aren’t always hidden insults to unpack

My xh used to be mean with shit like this.

You got a card and flowers on IWD?

I don’t know a living soul who has been acknowledged on this day. I’d take the win, frankly.

Agree that it's worth clarifying if DD came up with that on her own or if it was suggested by DH. Also what was meant by it (does she mean the physical state of the home or the emotional love and safety of it).

Off the back of that, I'd be having conversations - With DH, that the 'keeping of the home' is a point of frustration for you, not pride - with DD, (dependent on whether she meant physically or emotionally) that you are happy that she feels her parents provide a happy home environment, but that this is the responsibility of both parents and not necessarily something to be 'celebrated' on women's day. Basically, just make sure she knows that a woman's worth is in no way attached to her home cleanliness, just in case.

Massive compliment, as long as that's not the only thing that he values you for. My dc saying I'm such a mummy is great, it means they've felt loved and cherished and recognises looking after children a d making them feel happy and secure is important
Yabu

Would you rather he didn't acknowledge your contribution Op? Then you'd join the daily MN complaints about DH not appreciating or noticing your work.

It's not about being insulted, it's about making sure her DD knows that these things she is grateful are also the responsibility of her Father and that IWD isn't really about saying thanks for hoovering!

Where we are, it’s very common. I’d love it, if he actually helped out all the other days of the year…it means nothing tbh

@JustSawJohnny As I said, why be one of the constantly offended. The DH was just expressing his gratitude. Jeez

She’s 6, he wrote it, she signed her name

Could it mean happy home, rather than perfect in a housework kind of way?

You should have a laugh about it with him and ask 'does that mean I'm really good at cleaning...or that everyone in the home is happy? Or both?' do it lightheartedly. He might end up getting a little embarrassed by his choice of words. Either way I do think you should take it as a compliment.

As you had forgotten, it would have been better for him if he had forgotten too-as trying to pay you a compliment has annoyed you.

Poor sod.