Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

[Upanddancingatsixinthemorning]

Aibu to be confused/pissed off by this?

Surprisingly, Dh & Dd made me a card and bought me flowers for International women’s day (we are in another country, generally this happens here) but I’d completely forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything.

In the card, Dh had written thank you for all I do for him and Dd etc and then something about me ‘Keeping a perfect home’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work part time as a teacher, do the majority of everything with Dd, plus bills etc, I have a cleaner every fortnight

I just can’t work out this comment, it sounds like something from the 1950’s and isn’t the thing I want to be recognised/appreciated for

Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

I have no doubt you are happy cooking and cleaning to your high feminine standards. We are all different and a sexist division of labour clearly works for your family.

That said, I hope you noticed this thread is not about you. OP is not happy to be the sole domestic appliance. Being praised by her dh for it with a card as an afterthought without changing his ways is patronising and derogatory.

I would take it as a beautiful comment

Yes I honestly don’t see what’s not to get here. OP has made it quite clear that she’s not happy to be defined by that role and resents the lack of meaningful household effort from her husband, which essentially means the card is adding insult to injury. That’s kind of the whole point of the thread. Whether other women are happy to be so defined is beside the point - the thread isn’t about them. There seem to be quite a few posters using this thread for validation about their own preferences when they aren’t relevant to the OP’s situation. The question is whether her husband knows how she feels and is being deliberately antagonistic (in which case, arsehole), or doesn’t know how she feels, in which case there needs to be much better communication.

I think it's a nice message that you are the glue in the family

I think it’s really thoughtful he did this for IWD my partner probably doesn't even know it’s a thing to be honest!

That's because they live in a country where it IS a thing.

Great point. If he works full time & you part time then it's only fair you take on more of the domestic stuff. You can't work part time, him full time during the week then expect him to share responsibility 50-50 during the week. Obviously, he should clear up after himself, help with bedtime etc & at weekends stuff to do is shared 50 50. If you don't like this division of labour organise childcare & work full time too.
Some people are not happy & have to pick fault with everything these days. What would you have said/felt if he'd totally ignored the day & not acknowledged your contribution towards making a nice home for you all?

Why couldn't he acknowledge anything else about her? Why did it have to be about housework?

Even if the setup involves the woman doing most of the housework, women are more than housework and homemaking.

Striking that organising the childcare in this scenario would fall to her rather than to him . . .

I wonder how many women all over the place are saving their households a fortune by ‘only’ working part-time.

Poor bloke. He hasn't said "house, he has said "home."
I give my husband hell when he doesn't notice I've done something like a household job we have talked about doing for ages and I have dne it while he has been doing a DIY job in his man shed.
He probably means all the things you do. NOT all the things you should do - just for being his partner and making the house a home. They are not the same.

@Allthenameshavegone1972 did you miss the part where he does fuck all? No 50/50 at weekends, not a bit during the week, but fuck all.

Yep, your other issues combining with damning with praise from another age. Maybe funnel this anger into dealing with those issues instead?

'Maybe funnel this anger into dealing with those issues instead?'
That is one way of describing what IWD is meant to be about...

It’s INTERNATIONAL women’s day, it’s observered where we live, what a weird thing to take an issue with!

Omg! It's International womens Day! A day to recognise women, raise them up, give girls encouragement let them see they can be so many things. And yet all he could do was say thanks for keeping a perfect home?
I'm not saying that's not important but for international womens day it's missing the point as is this idea that it's another day for cards flowers and chocolates! It's not! It's about respecting women, treating them fairly and recognising womens accomplishments.
Women who expect flowers and chocolates are as bad as the men who give them!

I would have been thrilled if my husband had noticed anything about me or our home. Your husband made a sweet gesture. I don't see why you and so many others are analyzing it to death.

It really doesn’t require ‘over-analysis’ to see that in a card to mark International Women’s Day, whose purpose, on its official website, is to work towards ‘a world free of bias, stereotypes and discrimination’, a man who could have admired anything about his wife choosing to celebrate her achievement in a sphere to which women have been reductively relegated is more than a bit tone-deaf.

Nothing, but OP specifically stated she didn't and was annoyed at the compliment.

Are you always trying to find something wrong in kind gestures?

Sounds like he appreciates you and wanted to show that OP lol

You want be grateful, I never got nothing
but then we don't celebrate Women day.

@Vestigially why is being the primary "home maker & care giver" (for want of a better word) a relegation? You make it sound like it's an inferior role compared to a high flying career & full time job? Are you somehow superior if you have a full time job?

It sounds like he loves and appreciates you. Enjoy the compliment.

Oh @PeachyPeachTrees i appreciate your cleaning so much. What a relationship we have. Yay!!!!

Seriously? ‘Keeping a perfect home’ is the height of your achievements as a spouse and as a human being? Ok. You do you, obviously.