Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

[Upanddancingatsixinthemorning]

Aibu to be confused/pissed off by this?

Surprisingly, Dh & Dd made me a card and bought me flowers for International women’s day (we are in another country, generally this happens here) but I’d completely forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything.

In the card, Dh had written thank you for all I do for him and Dd etc and then something about me ‘Keeping a perfect home’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work part time as a teacher, do the majority of everything with Dd, plus bills etc, I have a cleaner every fortnight

I just can’t work out this comment, it sounds like something from the 1950’s and isn’t the thing I want to be recognised/appreciated for

Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

I think some people are genuinely content with that kind of life - they don't aspire to anything more. I don't understand it but I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with it.

However, I would expect my own husband to know me well enough to know that "keeping a perfect home" absolutely wouldn't be the pinnacle of what I want from life, and I would absolutely be insulted if that was the only thing that he could find to celebrate about me!

Just because someone keeps a perfect home doesn't mean they have no aspirations. They might work and enjoy that too. Don't be nasty and look down on homemakers who only do that and love their life.

How was pp being nasty? She isn't looking down on them at all. If someone is a homemaker and love their life then they are content and what pp is saying is exactly right.

MrsB said 'they don't aspire to anything more'. This is belittling.

Is it? Or is it truthful for some people?

Well, of course people can keep a "perfect home" and have other aspirations. I never said they couldn't. I simply said that some people don't aspire to more than that. And that's their prerogative. There is nothing nasty in acknowledging this.

Where someone does have significant aspirations and achievements outside the home, I think it is quite belittling to ignore those aspirations and achievements by suggesting that the only aspect of their lives worth celebrating on international women's day is their ability to keep a perfect home.

It's actually interesting that you have taken my comment as a criticism of women who don't have aspirations beyond the domestic sphere. I explicitly stated in my post that I don't understand it but there is nothing inherently wrong with it.

I infer from your response that you do think that there is something wrong with people not aspiring for more, and that's why you felt my comment was belittling.

Interesting.

@Vestigially I never said being a housewife was the height of MY achievements, but you seem to think being a housewife & sahm is a relegation & inferior to "high achievers". Well, they're not. You're not any better or superior.

Well, if you're happy with what you have achieved then you're a success.

Absolutely it is lesser. Most people run a household and raise their children, if they have children, and achieve professionally as well.

@Vestigially so you consider yourself superior? Get off your high horse. You breathe the same air as your lesser mortals, your shit doesn't smell any sweeter. There's a place in society for everyone & you're no better or worse than anyone else if you've "achieved".
Myself, I have had my own little business, worked full time & now I'm retiring just before my 60th. I've also been a sahm, on the pta etc. And that was our happiest times. No rushing around on the non stop hamster wheel. I feel sorry for children who are dragged out the at silly o clock in the morning for a 9 hour shift at the childminders so both parents can "achieve", when they can afford for one of them to cut their hours a bit so the family has a better work life balance. Of course, today, with the col crisis most parents don't have much choice in the matter.

@Vestigially so you consider yourself superior? Get off your high horse. You breathe the same air as your lesser mortals, your shit doesn't smell any sweeter. There's a place in society for everyone & you're no better or worse than anyone else if you've "achieved".
Myself, I have had my own little business, worked full time & now I'm retiring just before my 60th. I've also been a sahm, on the pta etc. And that was our happiest times. No rushing around on the non stop hamster wheel. I feel sorry for children who are dragged out at silly o clock in the morning for a 9 hour shift at the childminders so both parents can "achieve", when they can afford for one of them to cut their hours a bit so the family has a better work life balance. Of course, today, with the col crisis, & more marriages/partnerships breaking up than in the past, most parents don't have much choice in the matter.

Oh dear.

Does shit smell better if both parents have to work due to COL crisis or being single parents even though their children get dragged out at silly o'clock? At least get your stereotypes right.

@blueshoes no. Did I say that? I just object to pp's air of superiority & classing sahm as inferior. My comment about col was thrown in for anyone about to comment that most people don't have a choice in the matter. I consider myself very lucky to have been able to do both.