Is this rude if you were a guest?

[Britishsummertime22]

If you were a guest in someone's house and they went up to bed without saying goodnight or telling you they were going to bed/not coming back downstairs would you think that was rude?

You say that , my DH and his family (strongly suspect all have ASD) find basic social greetings excruciatingly painful. Things like the "hello how are you?" "Goodnight" rituals/goodbye rituals are like watching them make a really awkward dance together. I have witnessed them literally walk in the house and just go straight into talking about something - no "hello". The awful thing Is my social skills suffer for being around this odd communication so much. I end up feeling like a freak for holding normal expected social skills. It's like they find it really eye-rolly .

Of course you can go to bed. "I'm off to bed now goodnight". You don't just leave a guest sitting there without saying anything and they're wondering where you are.

Incredibly rude behaviour to just vanish on a guest like that, leaving them there on their own wondering where the hell everyone's gone to.

it would depend on whether they're family friends or what, how I reacted and how I felt.

Even if they were unwell it would still be rude not to let their guests know they were going up to bed. A simple ‘I’m not feeling well so I’m going to bed to rest - feel free to stay up though and make yourself at home’ would be fine.

Nobody’s saying you can’t go to bed when you want. You don’t even have to explain. All you need to do is let your guest know you’re going so they aren’t sitting around wondering what’s going on or whether their host is coming back down.

Two potential scenarios

One goes to bed assuming the other is staying with you for a chat anyway. The other goes to see where the former has disappeared, finds them in the bedroom and things get a bit raunchy weyhey…

Or. And this isn’t so good on you. Maybe they had been hinting it’s late, just slight remarks and gave up hinting and just went to bed. Very rude though

Tomorrow I’d take the initiative and go to bed first. Base it on whenever they slopped off.

I wouldn't be able to avoid saying something!

I read your post as is this rude if you were a ghost 👻

Op, I'm a little confused as other posters have pointed out. You don't have any children according to your posts only a few weeks ago so not sure why you needed to sort childcare and a quick search has a lot of conflicting threads that you've created. I hope you are ok.

I agree. Its very strange

It depends on whether you're a friendly ghost. 🤷‍♀️

huh? This is so strange to me. What's so difficult about "ok I'm going to head to bed now. Feel free to get up whenever suits you, help yourself to hot drinks, there's juice in the fridge, bread in the bread bin. See you in the morning, good night!" - no tricky disappointment / long-winded instructions?

@Britishsummertime22 I'd be gone home first thing. Were you invited?

Only read the OP's posts but did the husband leave first, and the wife then went up and didnt come back?

My sisters husband is like that, its all about him. God forbid that she have fun without him. If my sister had gone up to check on him he would give out to the point where she felt she must stay with him. Wonder if thats what happened here.

That's weird. Did they go up to use the loo then forget you were still downstairs?

I think it is this too - they go to bed earlier and feel awkward to end the evening as you are a guest and still up.
I would just forget it and enjoy but, today I would subtly find out what time they typically go to bed and make sure you head up ealier
or if you feel awkward to ask then tonight I would ensure I go up to bed much earlier and wish them goodnight.

How sure are you that they did not mean to come back downstairs? How sure are you that they have gone to bed?

Maybe there was a mad axe murderer waiting for them when they just popped upstairs to get something and you assumed they had gone to bed, but really they have been decapitated and now the axe murderer is waiting for you to come upstairs. Go on Op, go upstairs, I dare you ☠️💀

Yes, I would feel unwelcome and wouldn’t be rushing back anytime soon!

Honestly I wouldn't over think it.

All they've done is go to bed.

Maybe they're not used to announcing their comings and goings.

Are you related? I'd probably make a joke in the morning about not realising everyone had left.

One of my sets of grandparents used to do this! They did it to a couple of sets of friends they had to stay, then they did it to me when I was about 17, then to my parents.

Awful people and we stopped having contact with them 20+ years ago, but we always laugh about how pathetic this particular trick was.

I was supposed to be looking after my neice thanks!

That is so weird! Even my autistic son will always say good night before going to bed (twice or more but that's another story) because we have taught him it's the polite thing to do. I would ask them straight out if you have done anything to cause offence since they were just leaving without saying good night. It doesn't make you feel welcome that's for sure.