Is this rude if you were a guest?

[Britishsummertime22]

If you were a guest in someone's house and they went up to bed without saying goodnight or telling you they were going to bed/not coming back downstairs would you think that was rude?

It's okay, I normally start work at 7am so even at the weekend I wake up early. Plus if I'm staying somewhere not my own bed I never sleep great. But thank you :)

Sorry!! Friends. Friends of about 10 years or so.

This situation is not you, unfortunately you have just got caught up in the firing line sadly.
When something like this happened to me years ago with old friends, they separated and divorced a few months later. I could feel something was really off, and felt uncomfortable despite the lack of obvious problems at the time. They too were rude, but having so many marital problems they didn’t realise.

I would make time for both of them, or whoever you are closest too. Your stay might.be quite a strain for them if there are big issues under the surface. Try to be busy and not spend too much time there or have any expectations of normality. It might be a one offf hopefully.

This is not you. It is them. So don’t take it personally, and leave as soon as you reasonably can without being too obvious about it. Good luck

@Spudthespanner why are you so obsessed with the OP.

If you don’t like what she’s saying just get off the thread.

I knew it would be an argument! It’s not that unusual especially if you’ve had a couple of drinks and one is a bit more emotional. Definitely let it go and enjoy the weekend OP

I've only skimmed the thread, op this is why I constantly name change and always change details because of people who become overly invested and try and do background searches and catch you out for some utterly bizzare reason?

I hope you are feeling better today and report the strange people on the thread. This site works because it's anonymous.

My mum's like this. It's like she literally doesn't understand that you're supposed to say hello and goodbye to people, and recently when I phone her she's taken to saying 'Right,' when I say it's me, instead of 'Hello'. She doesn't ask people how they are, or ask any questions about how they are doing. I totally get the 'eye-rolly' thing too.

I strongly suspect she is autistic for a variety of reasons, not just this, but it certainly seems to fit. (Just to be clear, I know autism presents in loads of different ways and I'm not trying to stereotype. I strongly suspect I'm autistic too but I manage the social niceties.)

I totally understand you.

I actually feel a little jealous when people's DHs or other relatives actually have a diagnosis.

My DH and in laws just don't have the self awareness to realise they're socially/emotionally/communicatively atypical.

It's just hard as when you're surrounded by very odd (unintentionally rude) social practices you end up feeling like the 'odd' one for doing social niceties.

I know I'm undiagnosed ADHD. It fits to a tee. And possibly some traits of ASD that are very different to "male" ASD traits (I am generalising here but not meaning to offend) but I wouldn't have enough traits to impair my life and don't believe it would meet threshold for any diagnosis. But on the other hand, I wonder if some of these traits are now learnt behaviour from being surrounded by DH and his family...

My DH and his mother will just walk in each others houses and even right past each other. For example, if my DH agreed to cut down a tree a few days prior, he'd just let himself in his mum's house, she could be standing at the kitchen worktop and he'd literally just walk past her with all his equipment, he might even barge past her gently if she was in his way. No hello, no acknowledgement, just a bang of the back door and an off he goes to work. She might then go outside a bit later and say "he's working hard" third person as first person is too intimate, whilst wringing her hands and hopping from foot to foot.

I may come along "Hiya! You ok ?" And may get a snort and half laugh then talked over "my tree" (points to tree)

I go away feeling baffled. But to them it's completely normal and I'm the odd one.

Halloumiheaven you must really love him. That would drive me mad. I'd understand that that's how they are. But I think it would grate too much eventually.

I'm not going to lie - it is hard work.

But there are many redeeming features. There's never going to be 'an affair '. I'm never going to worry about money or whether he's spending it on gambling/drinks/drugs - never gonna happen. He's very loyal, faithful, consistent and stable.

Plus when kids are involved, and he's a fantastic father, I wouldn't ever break up a family because emotionally my needs aren't all being met.

I get that, of course. It sounds like he's a good one.

Very rude

When I was in my 20s I hated saying goodnight, so like in my student house and we were all sat together, or if me and my partner had a shared guest, I'd just disappear. it was a socially anxious thing (even though I'd spent the night enjoying their company!)
Not a problem now and never would have done it if I was the only host.
I don't know what it was! Something to do with not wanting the attention on me, not wanting to explain why, it just felt awkward. I know loads of people who still in 40s slip away from nights out without saying goodbye.
These hosts are definitely rude for both doing it

I can relate to that. I always say hello/goodbye etc, I'd feel too rude not to, but I am somewhat socially anxious and really dislike the compulsory ritual hello/goodbye waggle dances that everyone feels compelled to perform at parties, for example. But in their own homes, when hosting a guest, yes they're definitely rude.

For going to bed without saying goodnight to their guest. Basic manners - good grief.

Love this 🤣

It was rude and really weird. Like so weird I would feel unwelcome and leave.

Why are you arranging childcare for someone else's kids? That's their responsibility to find someone else to cover.

Reminds me of the time my sister invited me for new year and disappeared at 8pm without having cooked the meal she’d said she was serving. There was football blaring loudly on the telly (I hate football) no sign of the remote control and tv had no buttons to change , barely a phone signal in the rural location. It was a dull night