Is this rude if you were a guest?

[Britishsummertime22]

If you were a guest in someone's house and they went up to bed without saying goodnight or telling you they were going to bed/not coming back downstairs would you think that was rude?

the whole goodnight thing

This made me laugh. What, saying "goodnight"?

😂😂😂 fucking hell.

If you have already been shown to a guest room and unpacked etc- I'd just go to bed when you are ready. Maybe have a chat to the hosts re expectations tomorrow. Must admit I hit a brick wall on occasion (especially when having a few drinks) and I'm like a homing pigeon and just get in bed- but I'd likely announce it and say right off to bed see you tomorrow !

Times have changed. In the old days you had to carry a kid for 9 months. Now they only gestate for a couple of months and are born ready to walk and go off to university.

How long have you known them and have you stayed with them before? Is it meant to be a holiday for you, it definitely sounds very strange. How long are you due to stay?

It's definitely rude, but if they're good friends and you can't think of anything you might have done to piss them off, then I'd give them the benefit of the doubt this one time. Maybe one went to the loo, then felt poorly and had a lie down and fell asleep, then the other went up to see where they'd got to and just joined them in bed?

I'd probably say something in a light hearted way in the morning, like "I'm relieved to see you're talking to me this morning, I was worried I'd done something to upset you when you both disappeared off without a word!" and most normal (non-rude) people would respond along the lines of "Gosh, did neither of us say goodnight? I'm so sorry, that must have felt really strange!" and you can get on with enjoying your visit. I certainly wouldn't be packing my bags and heading home in the morning on the off chance they were upset with me!

Are they very posh? Very posh people do this sort of thing all the time. Don't take it personally.

I'd probably just laugh it off with them in the morning. "I didn't realise you'd gone to bed! I hope I wasn't keeping you up. What time do you usually turn in?"

If there were any hints you missed that's an easy way to set expectations for the next two nights

I wondered this too. It's the only other explanation, really

Yes,I would consider it rude.

Bur it's never just goodnight is it, you have to give a reason for leaving, and everyone's slightly disapppointed in you, and then there are instructions about lights and breakfast and you make other people feel it's their bedtime too, and it's all just dreary and better avoided

So go around and switch off everything. She knows where she is..

@Babycote

Bur it's never just goodnight is it, you have to give a reason for leaving, and everyone's slightly disapppointed in you, and then there are instructions about lights and breakfast and you make other people feel it's their bedtime too, and it's all just dreary and better avoided

Then don't have guests in your home. Fuck me, if you can't engage in basic social norms don't invite anyone round. Friends are clearly dreary and better avoided.

If someone did something that I found so offensive that I felt like I couldn't be in the same room with them anymore then I would ask them to leave my home, yes. They would no longer be entitled to my hospitality.

Wow, Mumsnet is a hive of weirdness at times. People would just disappear upstairs and leave guests completely clueless in the living room?!

Or just have more chill social norms! Ones where if you want to go to bed, you do so

That's so rude and uncomfortable. How well do you know them, Op? I'd be challenging them in the morning.

Oooft, it's late. I'm going to head upstairs but I'll make sure the doors are locked and please feel free to raid the fridge, watch TV etc. see you in the morning.

Wow. So difficult and taxing to just be basically polite to folk 🙄

That's a good idea.

Also, OP, are your hosts socially awkward in other ways? I mean, are they very shy, or do they have difficulty making conversation? Some people genuinely don't know what to do. I think Snoopy's idea would defuse the situation.

Oh so do you have kids or not, Op? Or are you not returning to the thread?

To be honest this is the sort of thing my DH would do (undiagnosed Asperger's)

My sister in law possibly would too (doesn't seem to love socialising)

But I think it's rude yes. Very rude actually.

@Babycote

No one's stopping anyone from going to bed.

Had they been drinking? I have gone upstairs before to do or get something, seen my bed and, in my drunken state, it has been so tempting that I have just got into it there and then, fully clothed and been asleep (and probably snoring) within seconds. I hadn't meant to be rude. DH has fallen asleep on the sofa when we've had guests over.

Bizarre behaviour op

I'd find it disconcerting too.

Is this out of the norm for them? Maybe they had an argument?