Is this rude if you were a guest?

[Britishsummertime22]

If you were a guest in someone's house and they went up to bed without saying goodnight or telling you they were going to bed/not coming back downstairs would you think that was rude?

I went to bed thanks. I regularly look after my neice so as I was having a weekend away, I needed to organise an alternative. I didn't feel the need to over explain that part!!

People just don't want to waste their time replying to made up posts that's all. Don't worry about it. Tell your hosts tomorrow that you sat waiting for them in the living room not realising they had gone to bed and see what they say.

Have some people got nothing better to do than go trawling through a poster's history looking for a gotcha moment. Jesus wept. I thought troll hunting was frowned upon on here. What's happened on this thread is very definitely that.

I know. Sometimes I change the very odd detail just not to be identifiable by friends/colleagues and family in situations where I feel I would really benefit from speaking to other women and getting advice but I don't want to upset or offend anyone. I didn't think this was a problem as it doesn't effect anyone else and I've seen lots of other people do it regularly as so as not to be outing. As for the reply about me "wanting to die" yes, very sadly I have struggled previously with depression. I'm not sure why that would be okay to hold against me.

@Britishsummertime22 YANBU OP. Not only was this rude of your hosts, it's also just plain weird. When I have guests to stay, I always do a last minute check with them at night that they have everything they need and know where everything is (and offer them a glass of water to take up to bed with them). Even if they were tired and hoped not to get to bed too late last night, they could have explained that to you and given you the option of staying downstairs and watching TV with, say, a glass of wine and a bit of supper - again, making sure you could find anything you might want. To be honest, I think they're lousy hosts, but if they behave oddly this morning, I would ask them outright if I'd done/said anything to upset them so you can apologise, clear the air and have a nice stay with them. Hope it's all OK OP. 😊
*Edited for a typo.

OP, pleeeease answer who these people are in relation to you!

I’d say they were wrecked or perhaps didn’t get a chance/ went up for something and couldn’t resist bed. I wouldn’t overthink it to be honest!

Why advise something so stupid?! Do you like making trouble in real life?

No big deal, maybe they were that knackered they couldn't muster the energy to come back downstairs and just slunk off to bed.

Yes, I agree. It is rude to do it. But I wouldn’t overthink it or worry it’s something you’ve done. Some people aren’t that thoughtful or feel awkward telling a guest they need to go to bed.

@Britishsummertime22 how did you happen to stay there? Did they invite you or did you say you’d visit them?

This morning, I’d say something like: ‘You should have said if you wanted to go to bed. I had no idea I was keeping you up and wondered where you’d both gone’.

I imagine its a joke.

Aren't jokes meant to be funny?

How do you know these people OP? I could imagine someone I know very well doing this and it wouldn’t bother me.

At worst it’s a bit rude, but I don’t think you need to worry that you’ve done something to upset them- they’ve just gone to bed.

Honestly some people are ridiculous going through past posts. It all sounds genuine to me! OP, who are the two in relation to you and did they make any ‘I’m tired’ hints?

Very rude. Why would someone do that?

I think it really depends on who the people are to you and why you are staying, to assess if it is weird or rude.

If you are very close, it could be an oversight? Or maybe that's how it works in their house. Just mention in the morning that you didn't know they had gone up to bed and make light of it

Yeah, raid the fridge!

It’s rude but maybe you were keeping them up. You’re posting v late - my bed time is closer to 9 pm.

It guess it does depend on the relationship, I suppose, but even at my parents' house I'll say "right I'm off to brush my teeth and then bed" - although to be fair, to access the bathroom and then bedroom means going to and fro through kitchen (where they usually are) so couldn't really "sneak" off to bed!
I have been at a friend's bbq before and host got a little tipsy so took herself off to bed! We didn't think it rude, just hilarious!
I suppose, OP, in your case I'd be mindful of outstaying my welcome (until I read you were staying over!) I've had friends round and had to do the "exaggerated yawn thing" etc as have been tired and they're showing no signs of leaving and it's been 5 hours..... etc etc
I wouldn't lose sleep over it though.
Did they show you how to lock up and everything though? That's what I'd be worried about.

I'd be moving to a Premier Inn. Not saying goodnight would make me feel like I am unwelcome.

How odd it is depends on your relationship with these people, why you're staying with them and how old they are.

Maybe they ran out of social battery

A similar ish thing happened to me once. It turned out the couple were actually having a very bad time due to an affair but hadn’t told anyone including me . When she explained it to me she she said she just needed to get away from him…. But he had followed. Leaving me …. With their kids still up!!!

Strange behaviour. Take it they don't want a guest and id want to leave. Yanbu