Should both sets of parents be treated the same on Mothers Day?

[Nconee]

Posting before Mothers Day as I’m getting a general idea before I say something.

Son has been with his partner for a few years. He moved in with her last year and is getting married this year. Mother’s Day was shortly after he moved in with her last year. He got me a card and a photo frame. He would always get me similar for Mothers Day. He came to see me a few days before Mother’s Day- alone. I do have other children but they live hours away. I then saw on Facebook they had gone for a meal with her Mum & siblings and bought her Mum got a huge bouquet of flowers and a huge cake.

This year is coming up and I know DIL isn’t particularly keen on me so I am not expecting her to organise my present. I know I am going to be upset when I see her Mums post on Facebook again. They are getting married in the summer. AIBU to expect them to treat us both the same way when it comes to Mother’s Day gifts now? I’m half expecting just a card in the post.

and if you had read all the comments you would see i commented to the original question and I said I do it myself,I think of my own mother before my hubby's and what ever else I wrote so please feel free to go ahead and read it and make yourself look like a silly sausage,these comments are to something I was having a conversation with someone about if that's OK with you,don't tell others to read through it when you clearly haven't at all or would of seen my first comment

Nobody's told you this OP but I suspect the reason for the disparity between how your son treats you vs how he treats his dil's mum is an income & disability related one. It's very shallow but unfortunately it's so normal for the poorer / disabled inlaws to be sidelined in the run up to a wedding / babies. This is even more the case when you have a guy here who clearly resented taking caring of you (the social worker comment was cruel).

Are you close enough to any of your other children to consider moving closer to them? If so that is exactly what I'd do in this situation. Your dil is non-entity in this because it's probably your son who feels negatively about you and he probably picked her because she feels the same about the same things. This situation will never change, only get worse, so if you can get out of the vicinity it might help your MH if nothing else.

Why shouldn't he resent taking care of her? That's a huge burden to place on a child, especially one who has siblings, who seemed to not have helped at all. She is not his responsibility.

Nobody's told you this OP but I suspect the reason for the disparity between how your son treats you vs how he treats his dil's mum is an income & disability related one. It's very shallow but unfortunately it's so normal for the poorer / disabled inlaws to be sidelined in the run up to a wedding / babies.

What utter nonsense.

@Nconee

Did you manage to visit your daughter ?

and when did your son do his Mother's Day visit ?

He visited me two weeks after. I didn’t get flowers but I didn’t see any Facebook posts on Facebook by her Mother either. I went to see my other children the week after Mother’s Day.

I asked DS so visit this weekend but he ignored my messages.

I don’t think this is true as DIL mum is disabled and on benefits, the same as me. DIL had a much more working class upbringing. I know she struggled growing up whereas my son wanted for nothing!! Her mum drives though and has a mobility car so is able to go and see them.

I cannot go and live near the rest of them. I would have absolutely no support at all, they are all very busy with families and have made it clear they can offer no support re my illness.
I have siblings and some friends near me here. The friends I have where my other children live are sadly all dead now.

You don’t get on with your DIL. she is getting the same type of present and doing the same thing she has a,ways done for her mum and your jealous that now you believe (wrongly) your son is paying for that because they are married, despite the lassie making her own wage. YOUR son does feck all for you, for DIL is not obliged to make up for him being shit. He never put in any effort, a take away with someone you live with is not effort. Work of the relationship with your DIL, because your son seems to be lazy and not really bother

I’m sorry OP, but I feel exhausted having just read your posts. The negativity, self-pity, passiveness and entitlement come across really strongly.

I feel for your struggles but I can see why your son is finally having to distance himself from you.

Ilwaus bought my MiL same gift as for my own Mum when she was still alive. Often we'd take Mums out for a cream tea and a bunch of flowers. I love my MiL. She has treated my DC equally with her own DGC in every way. My DC love her too.