Why does no one like me?

[Avotoast9]

Name changed for this.
Please be honest, I've got a thick skin.

I don't know where I'm going wrong. I don't have very many close friends at all. I think most people see me as a bit pretentious and possibly too intense. I don't think of my self like that at all. I've always struggled to make friends within my age group. My closest friends have always been older and I've NEVER been part of the in-group or had lots of girl friends. I can't remember ever arguing with anyone or falling out over anything specific. I guess I just fall out of touch with people. Sometimes I wonder if my defenses rub people up the wrong way. One thing I would like people to know about me (but I don't always get a chance to show) is that I am fiercely loyal. I would change my plans in a heartbeat to support a friend if ever they needed me.

So yeah, ask me anything. Why in your opinion am I rubbing people up the wrong way. I don't have a problem making friends initially but they never really go anywhere. Is that normal or should I take a long hard look at myself?

If you got this far, thanks ☺️

I used to be the same but didn't see it in myself until recently and I genuinely think I'm autistic and this is why. I don't read people the way most people do or realise how I'm coming across or maybe try too hard. I recognise those traits in other people and find them off-putting and I have changed myself in the past two years.

Well that comment will do wonders for OP's confidence!

It actually made me chuckle a little. I probably would have felt the sting if they had said this after seeing a photo though 😅

Haha. Yh I already updated later in the thread that it came off a bit strong & OP has responded she's feeling better in general

TBF you asked In your title why does “no one like me” “, hence… the question

And clearly people… do like you

When was the last time you saw her in person?

Sometimes I wonder if my defenses rub people up the wrong way

what defences do you have?

I have never been that pretty. I have not had difficulty making friends. It might have given me less choice with attracting partners but no effect on friendships at all. I think sometimes expectations of friendship can be too high. A few friends become like sisters over time but some you just enjoy meeting occasionally for coffee or enjoy doing the same things. There’s a period of life when people have young children and full time jobs when friendships can go on the back burner . I have some friendships from school and university that survived that and now we’re in touch more often again. I’m also finding 60+ is like adolescence and people are up for making new friends and hanging out together . To keep things going it’s important to remember things people tell you and ask about them. Remember birthdays and generally take an interest. I’m not sure what the problem is OP. I stopped contacting one friend because I felt she didn’t reciprocate and it was always me suggesting meeting etc. another person I made less effort with as she saw herself as a victim and wanted to talk about her problems and nothing else. I tend to avoid argumentative people in the first place and don’t make friends with them, likewise people who have a very different outlook on life.

I don't agree it's looks based

maybe for PP who said that (sorry) but I know my own experience and I know of people who don't get along well in groups and I could probably list the issues

Why don't you?

I’m not the poster you were addressing, but I have a face like a boot and have never lacked for friends.

Oh, I meant why doesn't @Eldermilleniallyogii list the issues she sees in people who struggle socially, @NotSoFar.

Sorry!

No, I can see i wasn’t clear!

This is a very interesting thread.
I've always struggled with friendships.
I have probably one close friend and a cousin I'm close too. I have a few not so close friends, one I used to be close to but our lives are very different and I actually think we don't really have anything in common. She has never visited my house, she lives about an hour and a half away. She's not interested in my children which is fine, she is single and doesn't have any. If I didn't contact her, I would probably never hear from her.
I have old work colleagues and acquaintances from groups I'm friends with on Facebook but never see them. I try to organise meet ups but people always make excuses.
I think a few of my new work colleagues don't like me, I think I always come across not very confident and a bit of a pushover.There are a lot of strong personalities there, some of which are difficult to deal with. I think as you said being hormonal doesn't help, I'm peri menopausal which definitely is having an effect on my confidence.
I know a lot of this is due to my upbringing, my parents had a very difficult marriage and I've always had a strained relationship with my mother. I'm really bad with confrontation as well so in the past when I've been "dumped" by so called friends, I've never asked them what's happened.
My DH doesn't have many friends either, we don't have many people apart from family to socialise with. I'm concerned this is affecting my children too especially my son who is quiet and is happy to stay in all the time unless I take him out.
I've seen on Facebook there are meet up groups like for socialising and walking etc. So it must be the same for a lot of women who want to make new friends. I'm going to try and go something soon.