Partner Freaked Out By Women Who Fart/Poo (so yes, all women)

[ThatNavyGoose]

Basically the title - I have been with my partner for almost 8 years and he is a wonderful partner and Dad to our children. BUT - he has never farted in front of me and I have never DARED to fart in front of him. I have never heard him fart even once. He is completely freaked out by the concept that women fart/poo. I pooped a lot in labour with our baby and he pretended like it never happened and has never once acknowledged it. He says he feels this way because of how he was brought up - his parents were exceptionally strict about farting/burping and he used to get in lots of trouble for it, so he finds it really rude/disrespectful and it freaks him out. Our sister in law burps all the time and he will literally get up and leave the room because he can’t stand it. I don’t WANT to fart in front of him particularly but I still worry about one slipping out because he’d be totally disgusted and I’d be mortified. Is it unreasonable to think that after 8 years together he would have relaxed a bit?!

I wonder if this is one reason why the queues for women's toilets are always longer than for the men's - if they're full of women who just need a little parp!

But you also fart whilst you're asleep. Best leave the paid-for room empty and both of you go and sleep at either end of the car park!

Because when you need to poop sometimes you can't wait and if the only loo is in the bathroom what's you suggest? Crapping in a bin?

@ItShouldntHappenToMeYet

Why
Because someone who is so utterly distressed at something so functionally normal that they couldn't even handle pooping during childbirth has ISSUES that need resolving.

It's not healthy to find natural bodily functions this repulsive.

Farts sometimes skip out. Especially as people get older.

There is a difference between intentional farting at someone and occasionally farting in the same room as someone.

You haven't read the posts properly. There is no acceptable fart as far as he is concerned so your 'accidentally slipped out' fart is not something he can cope with.

God help you people when you get old. They just suddenly happen when you bend it lift something sometimes.

And during sex if my legs are up over his shoulders.

Im on both sides.
Its normal to fart and burp and poop.
But i couldnt do in front of people i have done but not intentionally lift my leg and let rip there is a time and place when on my own i dont give a fuck.
If others do it fair play to them.
But i cant stand them that just do it and loud burps why well my mother was like this no need for it.
And loud yawning is another cant stand it.
My mother wouldnt yawn it was more of screaming and huge farts and loud burps no matter where we was or what she was doing just awful.
So many dinners went in the bin because she had no respect at dinner time.
My step dad left her i dont blame him either.
She thought it was funny by saying oh well it wasn`t paying rent.
She got vey upset with my step dad once because he said please keep your toilet habits to yourself.
She would come from the bathroom and say oh just sent a gift to australia it was a massive turd how is that funny.
Huge farts massive burps and screaming yawning would happen in public aswell bloody embarrassing see why my step dad moved to india and i moved to thailand couldnt take the shame from her.

"He says he feels this way because of how he was brought up - his parents were exceptionally strict about farting/burping and he used to get in lots of trouble for it, so he finds it really rude/disrespectful and it freaks him out. Our sister in law burps all the time and he will literally get up and leave the room because he can’t stand it."

Am I right in thinking this SIL to be his own sister, raised by very same fart/burp averse parents? If so, interesting they display such diametrically opposed behaviours where one positively revels and indulges in the forbidden vice and the other finds it a mortal affront!

I don't fart in front of people. And if I'm having a poo i hate when other people might hear- I tend to run the tap or layer the loo with paper to drown out any splashes!

I don't like men farting or burping in front of me. Gives me the ick. But if one slips out that's fair enough.

I was brought up in a very stilted household so it's just the way I am. I know everyone farts and poos but I like it kept private.

Coincidentally I've just got back from a group physiotherapist class that is designed to torture people who have had recent back surgery, and we have to get into the sort of positions that have not been natural for us for some time. The man next to me let two enormously loud trumpeting farts out during one of the particularly difficult exercises. No-one batted an eyelid except for me, and I had very great difficulty stopping myself from laughing out loud, even more so when I imagined the outrage that some Mumsnetters would have felt 😆😆

Oh v funny.
I would ask the person using the bathoom to vacate if it's an emergency

It's not outrage. It's disgust.

You ask the person in the bath or shower to step out for a few minutes; you don't drop your pants and defecate right then and there. Jesus.

@BettyBardMacDonald

You ask the person in the bath or shower to step out for a few minutes; you don't drop your pants and defecate right then and there. Jesus.
Oh yes. The personality shampoo in their hair is going to step out for a minute. Be real. If there is only one loo and it's in the bathroom then there are times it will be shared.
It's not about being polite. It's about need.
If one needs to 'defecate there and then' then it's better don't you think, that they drop their pants first?
Or just shit themselves. Is that your preferred behaviour. 🙄

@ItShouldntHappenToMeYet
Oh v funny.
I would ask the person using the bathoom to vacate if it's an emergency
Why is it funny?
Some people take 30 min showers. If they aren't leaving then there really is not any option other than to crap yourself

I don't have a gung-ho attitude and I think it's polite to try to restrain yourself when in company. But, for some people, being careful with diet etc doesn't mean they never fart. And for some people, certain activities encourage flatulence e.g. sex, yoga, some massages, having a colonoscopy... At the end of the day, we're all animals and producing wind is just a natural part of our digestive process. Being ashamed of what we are isn't a good idea.

Being with someone who was comfortable with farting was one of my relationship goals. He needs to get over himself a bit. Once you get perimenopausal and beyond, farts just happen. Besides, does he not fart in his sleep?!

I’m baffled how any parent can go through the process of changing nappies and potty training and not end up pretty relaxed about farting and pooing?

Plus I was so gassy during pregnancy!

@tipsandtoes

your other half could get the ick if you shit in front of him. Just wait a couple of mins til he’s out of the bath/shower

After two 9lb babies delivered by forceps with massives tears and blood loss I can't help breaking wind when I get off the settee every single time, I really can't, it buggered my insides up no end...

My god, is there anything mumsnetters won't blame on perimenopause?! I'm afraid you're not speaking for all women on this one.

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice Nope the previous poster certainly wasn't talking g for me either - I've farted freely at home for my entire life and nothing has changed in terms of frequency since I've reached my mid 60s. 😆

Nice to have your support. I didn't say that everyone experiences this, just that it happens. And yes, the menopause causes havoc.

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice

I'm 61 and in real life have never heard anyone mention "peri" let alone blame every single physical, mental and emotional problem on it. Yet on here one sees women of 32 wondering "is it peri?"
🙄

I was just thinking most of my longtime friends are through menopause, presumably, as is my sister, and we've never had a single conversation about it. We just get on with things.

It certainly doesn't cause loss of sphincter control.

https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/bowel-problems-in-the-menopause/
Some reading for you

Not in my household. The person in the shower would hop out and grab a couple of towels. Not continue on whilst someone is shitting three feet away. Ugh.

Better to use a bin bag in the garage or garden than defecate with an audience.