Partner Freaked Out By Women Who Fart/Poo (so yes, all women)

[ThatNavyGoose]

Basically the title - I have been with my partner for almost 8 years and he is a wonderful partner and Dad to our children. BUT - he has never farted in front of me and I have never DARED to fart in front of him. I have never heard him fart even once. He is completely freaked out by the concept that women fart/poo. I pooped a lot in labour with our baby and he pretended like it never happened and has never once acknowledged it. He says he feels this way because of how he was brought up - his parents were exceptionally strict about farting/burping and he used to get in lots of trouble for it, so he finds it really rude/disrespectful and it freaks him out. Our sister in law burps all the time and he will literally get up and leave the room because he can’t stand it. I don’t WANT to fart in front of him particularly but I still worry about one slipping out because he’d be totally disgusted and I’d be mortified. Is it unreasonable to think that after 8 years together he would have relaxed a bit?!

Exactly I have bowel issues and it would be impossible for me not to fart. My darling husband has also helped 'clear up' after me when I've had bowel issues.

I dont care for people farting and burping in my company. I have brought my children up to aim to avoid doing so. I am like that with most bodily functions. Not because I am a prude, nor does it "repulse" me. I just prefer for certain things to be kept private.

I have been married 29 years dh doesnt as a matter of cause fart or burp in front of me. Obviously it has happened and he apologises and we move on. (And visa versa)

I think it poor manners to do so deliberately in front of others. I don't find it amusing or funny. Yes it's a "normal" body function but so is peeing and pooping and I dont do that in front of others either.

I dont know your dh needs therapy op. I mean if he is genuinely repulsed to the point of not coping yes he does. However if
you more used the word as a way of describing dislike and him expressing he dislikes it. Then it's merely a matter of different views his is not more right or wrong than yours (and visa versa)

Edited for spelling

Tbh I would find it a turn off if a partner farted or took a shit infront of me. Likewise, I don’t infront of them either.
Yes everyone does it but there’s nothing stopping you from going into another room or the bathroom to let one rip.

As you get older, even getting up out of a chair sometimes you will trump, you don't even feel it either so no way of stopping it. Fortunately, I live alone so no one is likely to ever hear me.

My nan used to do it when she got up out of a chair, as kids, we just laughed.

Just be glad you don't have any bowel issues like my friend who has IBD, she can't help it and they can be spectacularly pungent as well as noisy.

I don't think it unreasonable to not want to be in a room smelling faecal matter.

I completely agree. Notwithstanding medical or childbirth reasons, I think it’s bad mannered to inflict this on other people.

At least it's not just women, but men too who aren't allowed to.

Lol. Once you get to menopause age, you’ve got no choice but to let rip!

Mr DH can be a bit prudish about these things, but I ignore him and carry on. 😂

Seems as if men really can’t win on here. Deliberately burping and farting in front of other people, and finding it hilarious, is the kind of behaviour I’d expect from 5 year olds, rather than rational human beings. Someone on here even likened the behaviour to that of a dog. Each to their own, but I personally prefer the people I hang around with, to have some semblance of good manners.

Not everyone follows through - I can't ever recall doing this, so this isn't about every woman is it?

When you were in labour, the baby presses against your colon hence you can poo. It's normal!

Your partner needs to see a therapist. Passing wind is normal if you have a healthy gut. My recommendation is to up your fruit intake to reduce bad odours but dont hold it in.

Have you had children? How did you cope with that?

(labour, not the children themselves)

This topic comes up quite a bit on MN and it never fails to make me feel really bad about myself. Why does everyone on here find certain human bodily functions so disgusting? We are living biological matter not robots.

I have suffered with IBS and endometriosis for decades, I have developed small intestinal bacterial overgrowth as a result and I can blow up like a balloon at the drop of a hat. Farting is something I simply can not help doing, if I were to hold it in I would be in agony. Obviously I try to do it as quietly as possible and they don't smell but thankfully I have a great dh who totally understands my health issues and that passing gas is nothing to have a hissy fit over.

My dd also has IBS and I hope to god she finds herself an understanding partner.

I don't know anyone in RL who gets upset over farts and burps and toilet stuff, only on MN.

OP, if you say this is as a result of your dh's upbringing, what are his parents attitude to life in general, are they really uptight over most things, are they very sexist seeing you mention it's only women farting which he finds upsetting? He really could do with some therapy, things change over a lifetime.

Shit happens 😁

So because I’m not like you, I don’t know how relationships work? 🤣 how incredibly arrogant of you.

No, I just don’t want to be on eggshells around my partner, worried that if I fart he will be “disgusted” at my normal bodily functions. It’s the 21st century.

My DP has an IBD so toilet talk is not uncommon in my home. Even my bestie is comfortable with using the loo in front of me. People need to be able to be themselves without judgement.

An old pal of mine came out of a long term relationship and he said he was always in so much pain trying to hold gas in because his girlfriend was too prudish to allow farting. I mean ffs. I wouldn’t want to live like that, nor make someone else live like that.

Men can't win? How's that? One man in particular is disgusted by the thought of women farting or defacating, to the point where his wife would be mortified if he found out she did either, and men can't win?

How do you manage with, say, en suites when it can be impossible not to know that someone is pooing?

Why do you think it's so terrible for someone to know that you do what every single person on the planet does?

We're bringing boys up properly if we teach them that women don't poo? That's just weird. Please tell me you don't have sons.

Sounds good to me - he’s not subjecting you to the stink of his intestines multiple times per day then expecting you to be desperate to dive into bed with him in the way that lots of mumsnetters husbands do.

Read The Lady's Dressing Room, a poem by Jonathan Swift.
A man is infatuated by a woman and sneaks into her room, where he finds evidence that she is fully human (tweezers, smelly clothes etc), including her chamber pot. Celia shits!!
He is horrified and it completely colours his view of all women.
It's hilarious, and I'm sure your DH would relate.

@ThatNavyGoose

oh and why does your SIL burp all the time?? Gross

Same.
I’m more like your DH too tbh OP
I like my own bathroom and it wouldn’t even be in the same house if I had the money 😁
We’re all different.

I'd be having a conversation along the lines of what you've said here OP

I know you have an issue with farting and burping, and I understand that it's a hangover from your childhood. I have no wish to deliberately fart or burp in front of you, and enjoy the fact that we are private in our bodily functions. But the reality is that at some point I will because I am a human. It's getting to the point where I am feeling anxious about the day that this happens and your reaction and so I think we need to address the elephant in the room.

The average person farts between 13 and 21 times a day. It's nature. It's science - and no matter how unsavoury you find that, you can't fight it. And more importantly, neither can I. So whilst I will continue to try and respect your feelings and maintain the status quo, I cannot continue to worry about it as I am at the moment. I need you to understand that it will happen and that it's not a big deal for 99% of couples. If you are really uncomfortable with that, it might be worth you talking to me or someone else about why it disgusts you so much and how we can address the fact that we are both humans with normal bodily functions.

He definitely needs therapy. It's not normal. When my dd was primary age when she exercised she faryed every time. It became a family joke and she laughed at herself. No embarrassment because none is needed.

There's a difference between not wanting to intentionally fart or use the loo in front of your partner, and what the OP is describing which is "the concept that women fart/poo". The latter is just bonkers.

There was a thread recently where people were debating whether or not they fart in front of their partners. I'm team don't do it intentionally/leave the room if you can, but also it's a perfectly natural bodily function and of course in a long term relationship you're going to do it in front of one another from time to time.