Partner Freaked Out By Women Who Fart/Poo (so yes, all women)

[ThatNavyGoose]

Basically the title - I have been with my partner for almost 8 years and he is a wonderful partner and Dad to our children. BUT - he has never farted in front of me and I have never DARED to fart in front of him. I have never heard him fart even once. He is completely freaked out by the concept that women fart/poo. I pooped a lot in labour with our baby and he pretended like it never happened and has never once acknowledged it. He says he feels this way because of how he was brought up - his parents were exceptionally strict about farting/burping and he used to get in lots of trouble for it, so he finds it really rude/disrespectful and it freaks him out. Our sister in law burps all the time and he will literally get up and leave the room because he can’t stand it. I don’t WANT to fart in front of him particularly but I still worry about one slipping out because he’d be totally disgusted and I’d be mortified. Is it unreasonable to think that after 8 years together he would have relaxed a bit?!

This might be rather naive, but I am assuming the degree to which 'wind'/bowel movements are noisy and smelly depends rather on your diet and gut health,

If you live off burgers, kebabs and takeaways the odour will probably be rather more noisome, than if you have a good mixed diet.

If you're in the latter group, the noise from someone breaking wind or the odour after they've opened their bowels will be pretty minor. Partners who are relaxed in each company will accept this as just what bodies do.

Yeah mine dont smell if I cut out bread.

Dear god this!

I can literally fart with every step I'm taking, and no, there really isn't anything you can do.

My mum was quite hung up on this (I never even knew fart was a word until I started senior school) but I became an adult and made my own choices.

I mean, deliberately farting is not on but everyone does it!

I don't sit and do intentionally in front of anyone, but if you think I'm getting up and walking upstairs to the bathroom every time I need to fart (I'm not a burper unless I guzzle a load of fizzy pop quickly!) - forget it. Just do it, discreetly, and say 'excuse me' if anyone is there. Obviously not while anyone is eating etc.

I think there's a big difference between making into a big event, which I find a bit minging most of the time, or being discreet and polite but aware that is a very normal bodily function.

I think that's different. When someone can't help something it's not bad manners. For me it's the intentional pushing out the loudest fart or intentionally forcing out the biggest burp instead of doing it quietly. If there is a medical reason for sounds and smells, that's fine - but I have come across people that just do it as it's funny and to me that's slobby

How have you managed not to fart in front of him? I fart in front of DH daily.

Start by celebrating and enjoying your kids farts.
singing poo songs during potty training etc.
making sure they are not so inhibited .

I don’t think you can do much to shift his opinions, but you can make sure your kids are comfortable with how their bodies work.
and know there is no shame.

I've been with my partner for 15 years and I've farted in front of him once which was recently, I'm heavily pregnant and needed a wee when he was in the bath and the longest fart ever erupted from me. He didn't know what to do with himself 😂 he did laugh though I don't think he'd find it funny if I regularly popped one out around him.. he also doesn't fart around me. He doesn't make a deal of it to our dd (10) though as she's like a little machine gun regularly. Some people just don't like it. I was made fun of and berated for it as a kid and it's stuck with me so I don't do it in front of people.

Give it a few years and it'll be out of your hands.

I swear I hit 40 and my body just stopped giving zero fucks. I'll literally just be standing there and a fart will just spontaneously come out, without any control over it by me!
Yesterday I was walking to my car after work, and it was like a mini trumpet was following me. A little fart with every step!

I'm kind of with him on the burping though. Those people who let out those long rippling burps... You absolute troglodyte.

It's not his fault. He really really can't help it. I am a little bit the same. I can't even hear the words said out loud or frankly read them.

This is something that comes at a critical stage of childhood development.

Why would you force him? Don't shame him because of this. Just let him be, bless him.

Protect him. He's your husband. :( I don't know that posting to the whole world about his shame is really very nice. What, for everyone to show how much they love ... and don't have a problem with it? And say what an idiot he is and how he should laugh and not care? It is something so private. Poor guy.

How on earth has he managed 8 years without farting in front of you? Or vice versa?! It sounds unhealthily tense and unnatural. YANBU at all.

Maybe he is careful with his diet. And maybe he only does that when he's on his own. He probably even feels embarrassed when alone.

What is this gung-ho attitude, this sort of WC-humour which is a badge of honour/being cool? ... 😶

Because they are totally natural events sometimes not under our control. He has unrealistic ideas about what women are and it must be a strain for the OP. Also, it's an unhealthy attitude to pass on to children.

I remember seeing my exH frantically gesturing and mouthing “there’s poo!” at the midwife, bless him. I was in the birthing pool and in a fair amount of pain but I was fully aware I’d done it 🤣

We used to have an enema so that poo was not pushed out with the baby but I understand this has now changed. I remember reading of Victorian childbirth that the mother should be encouraged to poo at the start of labour - where she would be attended by her mother and a midwife unless things went badly.
I think you DP needs therapy. People fart all the time, and as the poem says 'Celia shits' - and when one has had a couple of children farting becomes less easy to control.
Most of us laugh about it. Even the dead! On a table tomb I saw: 'wherever you be let the wind blow free, not doing so was what killed me'.

too late. Poo was involved and he won't talk about it.

OP he needs therapy. I don't love to fart in front of anyone, and while i don't mind a wee if it's urgent, i won't do any other toilet business in front of anyone. But he is ridiculous.

My ex was like this. He was uptight over so much shite, l couldn't stand it.

I'm married now and DH and I have farting competitions with seven different criteria that they are judged on.

Life should be as fun as you can make it.

While your husband sounds a bit extreme, so does your SIL.

Yeah. He would benefit from some therapy about this. It sounds like some unresolved childhood trauma.

Jeez, thatt is completely different, obviously

These threads always fascinate me. How do people manage to get to the toilet in time if they need to fart? If I felt a monster fart coming, I can't imagine getting up, leaving the room, going upstairs, and getting into the toilet in time to let rip. I would always try to avoid farting or burping in a restaurant etc but I can't imagine being so uptight as to feel I couldn't fart freely in my own home. An occasional farting competition after dinner is fairly standard in our house, and it's the one thing I usually win 😆😆

I think it sounds like he needs therapy, I'm not taking the p*ss, I'm being really serious.

I'm kind of with him on the burping though. Those people who let out those long rippling burps... You absolute troglodyte

that’s me. I have a hernia and gallstones and sometimes the wind comes up rather than goes down. I will keep my mouth closed and try and suppress the noise but it is actually still quite noisy. Not sorry, nothing I can do about it although I will say pardon me in company and say I have a medical condition. Quite satisfying to let rip in private though.

I don't purposely fart in front of my partner but I was recently showing him a new pilates move and I accidentally let one out. We were both crying with laughter. That's the sort of relationship I want.

I have a 5 year old. Life is all about poo jokes and farting. Are your children not like that?

I feel sorry for your partner to be honest. Imagine being a child and being punished for things which are, a lot of the time, uncontrollable. It will be hard for you to help him work through it when he won't even want to talk about it. Maybe just help him laugh and find the joy generally in life a lot more and he may well calm down about it.

@ThatNavyGoose YANBU. Everyone poos and many people fart. It isn't the majority of people who are the problem - it's your DH. His response to this is his issue from childhood and he needs therapy to adopt more rational thinking about totally normal bodily functions.