Partner Freaked Out By Women Who Fart/Poo (so yes, all women)

[ThatNavyGoose]

Basically the title - I have been with my partner for almost 8 years and he is a wonderful partner and Dad to our children. BUT - he has never farted in front of me and I have never DARED to fart in front of him. I have never heard him fart even once. He is completely freaked out by the concept that women fart/poo. I pooped a lot in labour with our baby and he pretended like it never happened and has never once acknowledged it. He says he feels this way because of how he was brought up - his parents were exceptionally strict about farting/burping and he used to get in lots of trouble for it, so he finds it really rude/disrespectful and it freaks him out. Our sister in law burps all the time and he will literally get up and leave the room because he can’t stand it. I don’t WANT to fart in front of him particularly but I still worry about one slipping out because he’d be totally disgusted and I’d be mortified. Is it unreasonable to think that after 8 years together he would have relaxed a bit?!

I've met a few blokes who are like this. I wouldn't dream of farting or talking about poo in polite company,but at home with my nearest and dearest,I really don't care! Any man who can't accept that women fart and poo is living in a fantasy world.

I didn't see anything about being unable to hold in your farts for a few minutes.

I work closely with dozens of other middle aged women and we're not farting uncontrollably all day, or ever in fact.

But I can see how a website in the business of selling a menopause support app would want you to feel like everything that happens to you is menopause, even if they then go on to tell you to sort out your diet.

It sounds like his parents shamed him into a complex. He needs therapy.

I'm with your DH most the way. I'm just not amused by farts and would never intentionally fart in front of someone and would be unimpressed if they did it deliberately, it's just rude, gross and unnecessary.
That said I wouldn't get upset about an accident, I'd just pull a face/roll my eyes and move on.

If he is saying things to you about it or telling you he would think you are disgusting then YANBU. If you are just aware of how he feels and are worried because of that then YABU. He can't help how he feels, so long as he isn't making a huge deal about it to you then leave him alone.

And given you've said you went everywhere during labour and he hasn't mentioned it then I think this is a you problem. He is content to just ignore something that he finds revolting in a situation where it was out of your control, seems a pretty normal response to me. He didnt criticise or mock you for it?
Did you expect a chat about the smell? Congratulations?

So you're completely denying the extremely debilitating symptoms many women get with perimenopause? I wanted to kill myself, for what it's worth, due to the changes in my brain chemistry triggering PTSD.

Are you not grown up enough to share a bathroom with someone you're supposed to love? How odd and immature. If someone was in the shower and I needed to go, they wouldn't have time to get out. I have bowel issues and fetal incontinence (funnily enough, triggered by perimenopause!) and there's no waiting around while someone faffs around with a towel.

This place is insane sometimes.

I had really severe food poisoning whilst staying in a small hotel room in Holland with my exH, everything seems pretty mild compared to that when it comes to normal farting and pooing 😂

I'm sure there are plenty of MNers out there who would insist on having 16 toilets in their ordinary 3-bed semi, just to eliminate any chances of anybody else ever being aware that they poo or fart; but then they would likely still declare 15 of them as solids-free zones, so we're back to the start again.

I genuinely think that some people are looking for problems and ways to compete with others and constantly raise their personal bar in the I-never-poo-or-fart stakes. You don't even have to find farts amusing; just accept that they're a normal part of being a human and chill.

I would have obtained my own separate room in those circumstances.

Yet many of the same men are happy with women evacuating their purse on a date...........because equality 🤔

I mostly agree with you, but I do have one friend who blames everything on the menopause from 'brain fog' to weight gain and from hay fever to indigestion. I don't think she ever has a conversation without mentioning the 'm' word!

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/naomi-watts-menopause-career-suicide-hollywood-b2683579.html

Watts went on to list the symptoms of menopause that shocked her, writing: “I didn’t know my skin would get so dry, or that urinary tract infections and gastrointestinal issues would become commonplace, or that there was such a long list of other issues connected to the menopausal transition

It's not 'when they feel like it' necessarily; it's when they can't help it. Some things are beyond our control, like sneezes.

My menopause symptoms have been itchy skin and stomach and bowel issues which started when i was 49

But ive not suffered low libido at all so therefore i dont believe that other women have Cos thats how we are playing this right? RIGHT??????

That teacher should have been fired.

Well, except when men know it’s going to stink and they let it go. It’s gross. If you know your air is going make people want to throw up I think you should remove yourself from others. So many men like that though.

I couldn’t imagine in a million years of my mother doing that. Ever. She must have been fun, my mother was not.

I think yoga is a bit of a farty exercise. All weird twisty positions.

I think when you get older more foods ferment in stomach differently than when you were younger. I hate to say it but everything loses its elasticity when it gets old. I’m sure bowels are included.

Yeah she was pretty mean but then she wasn't British and maybe breaking wind and not owning up was just super rude in her country or something. Although there was another time when I had stomach ache and was crying pretty bad whilst waiting to be picked up by family and she got pissed off at me for that too 😩maybe she just didn't like me!

I’ll remember telling a teacher I was sick, I think was in first grade and she kept ignoring me. Being about 6 years old at the time I literally projectile vomited all over the class room. Nobody ever made fun of me for that.

Wrong post. Sorry

@BettyBardMacDonald

Better to use a bin bag in the garage or garden than defecate with an audience.
No thanks. I'm brought up better than this

@ClaireEclair

she used to force them out? Surely that’s risking shitting yourself ?

Yep and then they expect women to fancy them and want to have sex with them. No thanks 🙂‍↔️

God I know 🙄 they don’t just happen. Nor does wetting yourself randomly and needing Tena pants.
Where did all this come from?! I’m 60 and I’ve never given the menopause a second thought.