To hate holiday with baby

[Greenwich869]

DH insisted it will be great. He was excited. I was the negative nelly obviously but gave in. Well, we're here. 10 hour flight was brutal. Baby is jet lagged. So are we. It's made baby clingy even though he never was clingy with me before. He won't settle for dad now. My back feels like it will snap in two from spending the last 24 hours holding baby to sleep in the airport and plane. Constantly rocking him as if he is a newborn but he's 9 kgs.

It's just parenting a million times worse.

It's day 1, we arrived this morning. DH is insisting it was the right thing to come. He is going the extra mile, trying to do lots and I am trying to put on a good face but I am absolutely miserable.

The right thing to do is snap out of it and enjoy it as there's no quick way to go home. But I hate DH right now. Hate his fucking guts. Could 100% divorce him over this. And I hate myself for giving in to his stupid idea. Hate, hate, hate myself.

Depends took mine at 3 months on long haul to luxury hotels was easy. I don't think it would suit those who are regimented eg over sleep nap times. Ours slepy on sun beds in shade next to us etc I used sling etc when out. Very easy. I had friends though who used to take theirs back home for naps etc every day whereas mine just slept out wherever I was. If you are a chilled non rules parents think it works really well travelling with young babies.

What newborn?

Why are you feeding a 6 month old every 2 hours is my first question!

Honestly, that sounds grim. Hopefully things improve in a few days!

DH and I took our DS to see family abroad when he was 6 months and it was such hard work. He was really unsettled and clingy, had to be in our arms all the time (wouldn't countenance being held by anyone else until the last 2 days), and started waking up about 5 times a night. It was horrendous and I remember sobbing that I just wanted to go home because I was so so tired.

Went again when he was 18 months and the holiday itself was better but the flight out is burned into my brain as a total parenting nadir.

This year he was 2.5yo and while it was still hard work there were lots of really lovely bits too. Hang on in there, it gets better.

Thanks everyone. I feel better today. DH and I did end up having a row last night but it's all fine now. DH is a very involved, loving and hands on dad but he is a forever optimist (which is often a wonderful trait).

We are visiting both sides of the family, not just his, but mine were willing to travel to us (and have done so already several times). My judgment is a bit clouded by the fact that his family, while perfectly nice, aren't very warm or helpful or even all that interested in us/baby. So I feel like I am putting my baby through quite a lot for the sake of a bunch of people who don't give much of a shit anyway.

To the person asking if I have mental health issues...well, no, but dealing with an inconsolable baby on a 10 hour flight did break me. Baby woke every 30-60 minutes last night but by some miracle we managed to sleep a bit in between.

I hate hate hate hearing him cry. And he loves routine, he thrives on it. He was confused, overstimulated and overtired and all I could think is what a terrible mother I am.

Anyways, I do feel better and like a rational human again, thank you for all your replies. I will make the best of it and I'm sure we will make some lovely memories.

Sometimes all it takes is to count our blessings & be grateful to be given the gift of a child. My 'opinion' is not berating,it's merely a different view. The joys far outweigh the struggles. Nobody ever said parents like everyone else on the planet never have days when they are exhausted & could run a mile. Ask them if they would go back in time & not have babies. The vast majority wouldn't dream of saying yes. Interesting that this vast majority inevitably go on to have more than one. Mine is an opinion which although different from the naysayers it's still valid.

Pleased to read your update. You’re an awesome mum.

Wonderful to hear. 🥰

I know this isn’t helpful but whenever we go abroad & see people with babies we always think they must be crazy! Just holiday in the UK until the kids are a bit older. I would never want to take a baby abroad but I do understand that your situation is different if you’re visiting family. I guess you just need to make the most of it now. Hope things get a bit easier x

Indeed. We went abroad with our youngest at three months old to visit family and it was a doddle. When the same child was a toddler, not so much of a doddle, although it was better once we arrived. But those years are long past now and I'm happy all our family were able to see our children grow up.

My family lives at the other end of the world from where we do so we have travelled back there many times. My babies have always thrived on routine too so after the first day or so of jet lag, I've always had them on a schedule/routine on holiday and organised all the social stuff around that. It isn't the exact same routine as we would have at home, but it's a routine and babies do adjust quickly- and we have kept the cadence of the day, the bedtime routine etc the same (even if the actual bedtime is later). (They are very much not babies any more but we have travelled throughout their childhood).

You know there are babies and toddlers living in those hot countries, don’t you? And that not everyone lives close to their family members?

Mine was good as gold on every flight. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t get me wrong, many memories are made all the same, but ‘holiday’? Nope, wouldn’t attribute that word to any element of parenting, it’s why there is an ‘ing at the end, it’s a doing word. Being on holiday or in someone else’s home abroad means you can’t be on autopilot, which is incredibly tiring for most, but probably quite overwhelming for parents of a young baby.

My parents were absolutely accepting of whatever DD needed when we visited them. Mum was working during the day and treasured her time with DD when she got home. (DD is a dyed in the wool night owl so was asleep much of the day anyway.)

it was a holiday for me in that in that there were other pairs of hands to help with DD for 3 weeks which there weren’t at home, and gave my parents a decent chunk of time with DD rather than snatched long weekends and Skype calls.

We've all been there! Apart from @candledrip who is just trolling for kicks. And yes, sleep deprivation can turn you into a shivering wreck! I took my son to France when he was 3 months old. I will admit, the first 48 hours was quite hard because we were settling in but after that we found the semblance of a routine and the holiday was over before we knew it. Babies don't really need holidays IMHO - they're happier having cuddles and milk and Cbeebies on the sofa at home. Gentle, routine days and the familiarity of their own things. Men don't really get it, they are a bit better when the babies turn into 10 yrs and upwards, as they can then do more active, boisterous things with them. But yes, the early baby years you just keep things very very simple indeed.

You're there now - we all live and learn! AS a mum I had to learn to set and enforce my boundaries. It's all too easy to go along with what others want and suggest, but it's very important you and baby do what's comfortable and safe and easy for you as mum, at least until he gets a bit older. But you're not alone, most mums will agree that holidaying with babies can be hard work. Just enjoy what you can when you can and it will be ok.

Quite what possessed you to decide the pain and struggles of those who can't have children are yours to co-opt for poor quality internet arguments, one dreads to think. I'm glad OP hasn't acknowledged any of this incoherent nonsense.

Oh and give baby to dad when you can too. He can help.

@Vergus , you mean step up and do his share. Being a parent isn't restricted to women.

Just read your update - that's positive. It will be ok!

I used to think the same thing then I had my own kids and realised that I hadn't changed as a person, I was still someone who likes travelling and there was no need to give that up ☺️

I love travelling with my children (four and 10 months currently) and we have two abroad holidays booked this year.

I was talking holidays in this case. If you are from the UK your wee ones will certainly not be used to 30 plus heat. Visiting relatives I can understand.
I stand by my selfish statement!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c3rdwx4yx12o.amp

It’s parenting but warmer. I’ve just come back from 25 degrees sunshine with my 3 and 1 yo. A week of not wrapping up, no rain, playing in the pool and at least 3 ice creams a day! Bliss.

This was us, much easier if a baby isn't always napping in crib routine.

As regards an earlier point OP made - my 6 month old wasn't on 2 hourly feeds. Was bf but was well past the 2 hour stage

@Greenwich869 I read your op and feel real sympathy! But I'm laughing at some of the replies on here becuase I posted a similar question regarding my then baby (9months old) and travel last year on AIBU and the majority of replies were very much to just 'deal with it' and travelling with babies is 'fine' 😂im so glad your not getting roasted like I did. Or maybe et has got kinder!
And no I haven't changed my mind I'm not planning to take my 16month abroad anytime soon. Travelling with babies and toddlers has got to be the worst.
Wishing you much strength over the coming weeks and journey back!
Just to reassure you my baby did snap right back into routine when we got home so hopefully yours will too!