To hate holiday with baby

[Greenwich869]

DH insisted it will be great. He was excited. I was the negative nelly obviously but gave in. Well, we're here. 10 hour flight was brutal. Baby is jet lagged. So are we. It's made baby clingy even though he never was clingy with me before. He won't settle for dad now. My back feels like it will snap in two from spending the last 24 hours holding baby to sleep in the airport and plane. Constantly rocking him as if he is a newborn but he's 9 kgs.

It's just parenting a million times worse.

It's day 1, we arrived this morning. DH is insisting it was the right thing to come. He is going the extra mile, trying to do lots and I am trying to put on a good face but I am absolutely miserable.

The right thing to do is snap out of it and enjoy it as there's no quick way to go home. But I hate DH right now. Hate his fucking guts. Could 100% divorce him over this. And I hate myself for giving in to his stupid idea. Hate, hate, hate myself.

Baby carrier FTW! Baby can be as close as it needs and you save your back and arms. Easier in crowds as well and the absolute best when flying.

Just buy one that is a known brand, Ergo Baby, Mancuca or such. They have a lot of off brands in Asia (i guess that is where you are) that might not be safe.

Or check out what they have locally. The traditional carriers they have in some places in Asia are fenomenal.

Or you can try the kanga/kitenge route. Easiest one to try even if it is scary. Check out tutorials on Youtube.

Shame you had to throw in the mean spirited hard work comment to a woman who's obviously struggling, especially when you could've just made it a post with advice from experience.

Oh god that sounds awful. 😫I once took ds1 on an 8 hour flight at 10 weeks which wasn’t too bad as he slept most of the way through but I can imagine when they’re older babies it would be hell.
I’ve only been on a few weekend trips with the dc (3 and 1) and I always ended up either falling ill or they start acting up. I also find hotel rooms stressful due to no child proofing so it’s impossible to relax.

A 10 hour flight especially time (and/or extreme climate) difference with a baby is madness IMO - the only exception might be for family eg an event or elderly relatives who are too frail to travel to meet the baby.

It’a obviously not going to be much of a holiday, futile and unfair to blame DH as it was a mutual decision to go.

I put you were unreasonable when I read your Op, but now reading this I retract it. You are not on holiday! Visiting family and friends is not a relaxing family holiday. I would be pissed too.

I well remember the seven hour train journey to get to our destination, with an 10 year old, and three under fives 😂 DH sat on a separate table and left me with the 4 kids 🙈😂
im sorry it was so stressful for you, a ten hour flight is not much fun regardless of taking a young child with you, but you’re there now, so put your feet up and relax. I guess you have a choice between putting the flight behind you and trying to enjoy the rest of the holiday, or holding onto that resentment and refusing to be positive for the next week. Which will make you happier?

Agree with all this! I also had a great time on holiday with my babies and toddlers. You're there now, so making the most of it is the most sensible thing. Get through the first day and sounds like DH needs to look after the baby so you can have some time to relax.

I travelled a lot with young kids and babies. You have to be organised, take it one step at a time and plan in time to chill after travelling.

Agree with @Swedemom a sling is really important to save your back, so try to buy one while you’re there for the journey home. I always breastfed on take off and landing to help with pressure in their ears and keep them calm. When they’re older, a lolly or dried fruit to chew does a similar job.

Babies get stressed when you do. So, that’s why the baby might be extra fractious. Depends where you are, but maybe book into a baby yoga or massage class to help you relax. Get out for walks in nature to get fresh air, so you and the baby sleep better. Not sure how long you’re away, but I wouldn’t pack in too much in for the first few days, while you both recover from the journey and find your rhythm.

When you look back, it’ll be a memorable trip, so try to feel blessed you’re getting to travel and see people.

And next time, don’t feel pressured into things you have misgivings about. Not everyone enjoys travel. Listen to your needs and instincts. Important to put yourself and your kids first when you’re a mum.

My DH wouldn't take our DS when we took a 13hour flight to HK. The back of the seat I was allocated was broken too so I couldn't sit and stood most of the way. I upgraded seats on the way back and vowed never to take a virigin flight again cos the stewardess was a bitch - no pillows left so I could to try to get the seat comfy nothing.

But once we arrived we had a whale of a time.

Adjust your attitude slightly, you're tired, baby's tired. Sleep and then enjoy. I never had any issues with my kids they're on 14m apart so both were in buggies in HK. In fact we holidayed overseas 3 times a year every year with them until my DH died when thry were 13 and 14yo. I then started cruising with them and never looked back.

Maybe look at starting to wean if little one is 6 months, gives a bit of back up to you having to be with him all the time. Also, do you have a sling? They are a lifesaver for clingy babies.
Just advocate for yourself as to what you need to get you through the next few days....
Such a long flight with that age baby will have been brutal. I did a short haul with an 8/9 month old and that was tough enough.....

I mean, let’s just be honest shall we, OP, there aren’t such things as holidays for parents. When you’re a parent, your job just works on a flexi basis, around the globe, so whilst it’s labelled ‘holiday’ - you’ll just be doing the same repetitive garbage you do for your child at home, but away. Usually with less stuff/missing bits of essential kit, just to add a frisson of excitement to proceedings. Toddlers are the worst frankly, they seem to mysteriously fall ill the moment you fly out of a UK airport. Meaning you become an international liaison representative between them and the doctors of whichever country you’re visiting. It’s a hoot and half…

@Greenwich869

make the most of those two hour windows your can be parted baby Op @Greenwich869 leave baby with dad and go for a walk and cocktail, book yourself in for a massage etc etc. you can still have a good time

In my opinion, the person exclusively breastfeeding gets the final say. EVERY TIME.

Oh OP that sounds like hell! It took me two days to recover from a short 2hr flight with a 10 month old, I can't imagine a 10hr flight! Totally understand why you're angry at your DP.

If it makes you feel any better, at least you brought your baby - my dad talked my mum into taking a 1 month holiday when I was 3 months old and left me with the grandparents. I only found this out in my 30s as my mum has never forgiven herself for giving in to my dad.

Okay - it was a daft idea flying 10hrs, but you're there now so you've got to try to make the best of it.
This will be the last “adult” holiday you have for a good few years. At 6mths it’s feeding/sleeping which means you can still sightsee, restaurants, beach etc.
when you are next away with a toddler, there will be demands to go to the playground, the sea needs to be calm and shallow, you can’t visit a nice restaurant unless they also serve chicken dinosaurs, quiet museums will be a no-go…it will all seem better once you've had some sleep and the jet lag has worn off.

In your position I would send DH out for a breast pump, pump like a champ, then hand the baby over to DH/his family (with a bottle) and take to your bed… When you feel better take yourself off shopping or on some other excursion, you must make the best of it.

Assuming you had reserved train seats, then the only other option would be shifts if you had one sep seat

Yeah - we found that out the hard way too when DD was a baby. Luckily we were only in the Lake District so we just packed up early and went home! It improved as she got older and easier.

Well firstly you aren’t really on holiday - you’re visiting family - it’s not really the same thing! So I agree with a previous poster - reframe it - you’re not on holiday you’re doing your duty to see family.

Are you staying in hotel or with family? Will these family and friends want to spend lots of time with you, and help care for the baby? Are you doing touristy things too? Dial back on those and just chill where you can.

Secondly we lived abroad and had to travel to visit family with small kids. The easiest for me was absolutely a non mobile breastfed baby! Toddlers and older babies were a lot more work.

I found the traveling to be the worst part. Get DH to do as much parenting as possible and take as much time for yourself as you can. Hard with a bf baby, but at least you can have some breaks

Totally ridiculous idea. Unsustainable too!

It's hard enough at home with a baby. A 10 hour flight would be torture. A long-distance holiday is wasted on the baby anyway and you can't make the most of it either. Next time choose something much closer to home and low key - somewhere where you can relax, keep things calm and enjoy being together. There'll be plenty of time for more adventurous holidays when your child is older and can appreciate it.

Just back from long haul trip to Tokyo. 2 babies on 13 hour flight out and one on 15 hour flight back. Approx 8 month old on way out was bf, but they didn't manage to use this to help baby on landing. Baby slept about 4-5 hours, which is probably enough to adjust. Both parents did a lot of calming and walks up and down. They had the bassinet seats at front of economy. On same flight was an approx 10-12 month, further back in regular seats. Mother had her in sling walking up and down. She was happier.

On flight back, it was similar. Baby about 8 months, not in bassinet seats, didn't seem too bothered by flight. It was dark for 10 hours on a 15 hour flight. For the adults this was very wrong as we took off at lunchtime in Japan, landed evening in UK. BA utterly abysmal, sent us off the flight having just woken us, presented us with really crap food and hot drink, coffee, tea. I was amazed the baby was ok. The 2 pre schoolers looked less so.

Oh! Dear OP! I think a lot of us on this thread just want to give you a big hug and a little breather. Could DH take your baby for a while and give you an hour or two to yourself?
The first holiday can be really hard out of routine and without your usual "props" and going long haul was really brave.
Our first holiday with DD when she was 16 months old got off to a bumpy start too, because everything was new and we were a bit out of sorts, but it did get better as we all settled into a temporary routine.
I hope you manage to have a lovely time ❤️

Oh for goodness’ sake! There’s always someone who brings up the ‘mental health’ issue! Mental health is mentioned to death on tv and everywhere. Break a nail and it affects one’s mental health nowadays! What happened to the backbone that Brits were once famous for? We are just snivelling wimps now. Mental Health, my ar*e!!

Should say 'no hot drink' was supplied - aka out into Heathrow dozy