To hate holiday with baby

[Greenwich869]

DH insisted it will be great. He was excited. I was the negative nelly obviously but gave in. Well, we're here. 10 hour flight was brutal. Baby is jet lagged. So are we. It's made baby clingy even though he never was clingy with me before. He won't settle for dad now. My back feels like it will snap in two from spending the last 24 hours holding baby to sleep in the airport and plane. Constantly rocking him as if he is a newborn but he's 9 kgs.

It's just parenting a million times worse.

It's day 1, we arrived this morning. DH is insisting it was the right thing to come. He is going the extra mile, trying to do lots and I am trying to put on a good face but I am absolutely miserable.

The right thing to do is snap out of it and enjoy it as there's no quick way to go home. But I hate DH right now. Hate his fucking guts. Could 100% divorce him over this. And I hate myself for giving in to his stupid idea. Hate, hate, hate myself.

God help you but that sounds like absolute hell.

Can you get a massage?
Get your back seen to asap, before you do anything else.

Take your back pain seriously.

Yeah I wouldn't have fancied that. We did do a holiday purely to attend a destination wedding with our 1.5yr old, but ideally I wouldn't go abroad with a child under 3, and that would be short haul. For 10 hours I think I'd want my kids to be at least 7. But everyone is different some people do take their babies on long haul trips and love it, it just isn't for me. I hope you find a way to enjoy it since you're stuck there. Can DH do any more to make it easier for you?

We did Australia from UK with baby at 5 months and returned when he was 6.5 months. Also EBF at that time and we didn't start weaning until we got home.
.
Yes the flight and jetlag wasn't fun, but it is like that even without the baby.

First few days in a new timezone is always hard.
Just go with the flow. Throw routines out the window.

First few nights we took shifts for if he was awake for long periods at random times of the night. It only took a few days to be over it - and I think he coped better than me.

Also don't expect to do much those first few days, and after that much less than you would have done pre-baby. We aimed for one thing each day. Overtime that increased once we were acclimatised.

But really just try to savour the time you're spending together as a family without work, household responsibilities, etc. It is time you'll never get back as they grow so quickly.
It's been a year since we were away and can't believe how quick it's gone.

Travel with a baby is hard but I will be honest our holiday when baby was 6months was great, it was much tougher with the 1 year old. Baby still napped brilliantly in pram and at night we would take him out in his PJ’s & put him in pram, he would sleep while we had dinner etc. I was still mega stressed about everything but we had a nice time. I have just vetoed any long haul from 1+ until baby is older though!

Jetlag with a baby is a pain for everyone but it changes in a day or so. Keep baby to their schedule just on your new timezone so if they have a nap after lunch put them down be it a cot nap, buggy nap etc despite the fact your visiting people. This will make it much quicker for them to adjust.

Holidaying with a baby is very different regardless I viewed it as exploring a new place but doing the same things as I would be doing at home just new.
We went to New Zealand with our 9 month old.

Tips for flying - keep baby on their schedule although you then deal with it the other end with jet lag it means your not battling a baby to sleep because they dimmed the cabin etc. A sling is a god send for this. We had 2 14 hour flights so learnt pretty quick DS1 would do what he normally did sleep, feeding wise etc.

Get DH to take baby out for a walk - feed then off they go so you can get a kip in. A lot of what your feeling now is caused by being knackered.

Yes. Holidays with small children are in many ways just the usual grind in less convenient circumstances. However looking back you will remember the special moments of having them with you in a new setting. It's hugely better in retrospect.

Holidays with kids are just parenting in different locations. Sometimes its rubbish sometimes its fine...just like at home. But we still do it even when it is rubbish because it is worth it.
I've done Australia with a 7 month old on my own, South Africa with a 2 year old and then Australia again with the 2.5 year old and 7 year old and my DH. All for visiting family. Biggest advise...just get on with it now you are there. Don't pander to the jet leg. Push though and it gets better. I found family were helpful - I could get some sleep if needed rather than being at a random destination with no family.
The first trip to Australia with the 7 month old was by far the easiest. Flying with a 2 year and 2.5 year old were the worst! I don't plan to fly again for at least 3 years when then 2.5 year old will be 6.

It’s not an issue….a 6 month baby can easily adjust to being taken anywhere…
We went on a 16 hour trip to Bali when ours was 10 months…you go adjust as you go

I cried several times on holiday to Mallorca with my breastfed baby - it was part of a big family group (over 20!) and everyone else was sunbathing, going to the beach, socialising in the beach bar and I was just in the hotel trying to stay in air conditioning , getting my refluxy baby to nap , trying to avoid sunburn etc etc. Being breastfed meant no one could really help (not that anyone offered or tried!) and I hated it.

Did a trip to north coast of N.Ireland with then 2 year old last year and that was a big success. NOT relaxing but our son had a lovely time

I have reframed family "holidays" and see them as "adventures". They are rarely relaxing, however if you see it as an adventure and a challenge I promise you, you will have lovely family memories to treasure. You may also laugh about what a nightmare the holiday was in years to come, but it's a memory none the less! 😆

Listen to your body.

Take the time to get some half decent sleep and get a good meal. If DH is feeling grand, I would tell him to take baby out for a few hours to let you rest.

Also, ensure you keep a routine, plan out your days. If you need a nap in the afternoon, then so be it.

Once you get back some sleep and plan out your itinerary, things will look much better.

I found holidays really hard work but you are there now. Try to enjoy it
Your DH meant well.

I remember the shock of having our first holiday abroad just the 3 of us. It was very stressful because it was no longer a 'holiday' in the traditional sense. It will get better eventually!

There are women absolutely desperate to have a baby & every month they produce a negative test. I'm sure they would give anything to be in the position of being on holiday & having to settle a tired & hungry baby. Breast feeding is wonderful but for me 6 months was enough. I admit my baby was far more settled & for much longer when I changed to formula. Some babies just need more which makes it exhausting for both the mother & the child. Dh & I had our first holiday abroad at the same time as changing & it was wonderful. The teething phase is another story but it passes & produces beautiful smiles 😁

Oh dear, sounds horrendous c

hopefully everyone will settle and you’ll get a bit of rest soon

Have only read OP’s posts but I flew with DD (alone) at 4.5 months to visit family. 8 hour flight during which I had to express 3 times (not recommended, my nipple literally exploded but I was exclusively expressing for DD).

At 6 months surely your baby can take some expressed milk in a bottle or from a cup which leaves you more time to relax and catch up because your husband/other family can take care of them?

Maybe it's me but we have been doing long haul with babies since they were 6 weeks old. Found it a breeze! Harder when they got to around two years old and fidgets!. But honestly tell hubby to watch baby seen as it was his idea to go get some sleep yourself and adjust to time difference keep baby awake as laye as possible. Tomorrow is a new day baby will have long naps in pushchair in the sunshine and you will be more relaxed.

Each to their own opinion of parenting children on holiday. I treasure every memory of the fun DH & I had on every holiday here & abroad. As they got older we would sit at dinner & laugh until it hurt. I would do it all.again in a heartbeat. We have the pleasure of young Grandchildren now & it's just as delightful. There are stressfull times especially when they are sick but for me being without children in my life would feel totally empty.

There are women absolutely desperate to have a baby & every month they produce a negative test. I'm sure they would give anything to be in the position of being on holiday & having to settle a tired & hungry baby.

I'm sure you asked all of them for permission before co-opting their struggle to berate a struggling stranger on the internet.

Oh OP I’m so sorry you’ve had such a tough start to your holiday. Hopefully baby will settle, and you will start to be able to enjoy things a little more. Getting out in the fresh air always makes me feel better after a bad night with my baby girl, and it always seems to help her too. Hopefully where you are, the weather is much nicer and warmer, which should help lift your mood a bit.

This is why I’ve told DH we’re sticking to UK holidays until bubba is at least 4 or 5. I couldn’t imagine the stress of being on a plane with her, as she suffers terribly with wind, and would probably be a screaming nightmare. She’s bad enough in the car at times. We’re taking her away in the UK when she will be about 8 months old, so I’m hoping she will be a bit more settled by then. I’m still dreading it though, if I’m honest! 😂

It wasn’t the best choice, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad judgment on DH's part. From his perspective, he just wanted to have a holiday with you and the baby, so his intention wasn’t bad. It’s just that reality turned out to be difficult. I completely understand how you feel, and I would have found it miserable too. However, since you’re already on holiday, try not to focus too much on the negative aspects. Dwelling on them may cloud your memories when you look back. In the end, what stays with us isn’t always the reality, but the emotions we associate with it. I hope you can still create good memories with your baby and husband.

An unnecessary 10 hour flight with a newborn is a crazy idea.

We did a 4 hour flight when DD1 was 3 and DD2 was 6 months for a friend's wedding, I'm not sure I could've done anything longer.

I suggest feeding the baby, then handing him to DH who can change him, pop him in the pram and take him for a walk around the resort, or to the pool or wherever for 2 hours so you can catch up on sleep, or just lie still and quiet in a dark room.

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a torture method and it really impacts on everything!

I would definitely be handing baby over for as many 2 hour stretches as I could and getting some rest / time to recover from the journey

Me too, I've never understood parents who take babies and wee toddlers to a hot country.so selfish, and also expecting them to behave on a flight. As long as their wants are met though, eh