To hate holiday with baby

[Greenwich869]

DH insisted it will be great. He was excited. I was the negative nelly obviously but gave in. Well, we're here. 10 hour flight was brutal. Baby is jet lagged. So are we. It's made baby clingy even though he never was clingy with me before. He won't settle for dad now. My back feels like it will snap in two from spending the last 24 hours holding baby to sleep in the airport and plane. Constantly rocking him as if he is a newborn but he's 9 kgs.

It's just parenting a million times worse.

It's day 1, we arrived this morning. DH is insisting it was the right thing to come. He is going the extra mile, trying to do lots and I am trying to put on a good face but I am absolutely miserable.

The right thing to do is snap out of it and enjoy it as there's no quick way to go home. But I hate DH right now. Hate his fucking guts. Could 100% divorce him over this. And I hate myself for giving in to his stupid idea. Hate, hate, hate myself.

Don t go long haul with a baby! No point. Stick to local and fairly cheap (Eg Spain or France) and save the big hols for later !

For a slightly different viewpoint….

I took my eldest on a 8h then 13h flight, several 1-4h internal flights and then 24h back home again when she was 4ish months. Like you it was to visit friends and family. If your loved ones are a long way away you can’t ’just go to Spain instead’ like others have suggested.

On day 1, tired and jet lagged, I felt like you…. But honestly we had the best time. It was so special that people we love and don’t see enough of were able to meet her as a baby. Also (sorry) it’s so much harder once they can move!! Get some rest, let your husband do the lion’s share, see if people can come to you instead of travelling to see them, and stop beating yourself up.

The flights are the worse. I did a 10 hour flight with my then 6month old to the Maldives 6 years ago but as soon as I walked through our villa, I was a happy bunny. I, DH and baby napped for a bit and then chilled and then went to dinner and we were back in routine. Return journey was much better despite it being during day time and jet lag. Once it's over, you'll have lovely photos to look through.

If it really had to be done to visit family then they are right about the 6m Vs 12m IMO, sorry.
Walk
I found holidaying with a fine baby (6w) easy, a 10m old challenging but fun, a 2yo horrendous and then it started to get better after 3ish.

I wouldn't have wanted to do a long haul flight but it I had, I'd choose a non mobile baby any day! Once they can move they don't sit still, will want to explore the aisles for the entire flight, climb over the seats, sleep less, are less tolerant of noise/stuff going on round them on top of the issues you have now.

It's hard but I think you've made the right choice. Hopefully it'll feel better in a day or two and the sunshine will help.

Ah you poor thing. We flew a lot with our LO but never more than 3 hours. And the "holidays" were always exhausting, and occasionally involved seeking medical attention for the kind of shit that happens when you're abroad (infected bug bite). Still mostly enjoyed the trips though.

Give the baby to your DH to take for a walk and have a bath or a long shower. Try some simple yoga stretches for your back. Get something lovely to eat.

Fucking mental doing long haul with a baby.

Took my kids away from 18 months.
Flights no longer than 2 3 hours.
Spain mostly.

It’s easy to say “he has to do it on the way home” but OP has said baby is being clingy. So if baby just wants her and can see and smell her and is crying, then it’s really hard to just leave them with their Dad!

this

Well it is done now so unfortunately you will have to make the best of it but this does not sound like a holiday but your DH persuading you to travel on a 10 hour flight to visit family. Is it your family or his? Personally I would be telling him this will not be happening again until your child is much older. While you are away leave the baby with your DH as much as possible so you can catch up on rest. Hopefully your baby will settle soon.

My family live on a different continent and DH's were at the other end of the UK until recently so we traveled regularly with babies and now young children. First of all, it's not a holiday, it's traveling to see family and let them meet your baby and refresh their relationship with you and DH. I have at no point thought "it sounds so relaxing and fun to put my family through multiple flights and hours in a rental car so we can go sit in 42° heat in some tiny town in America" but I have thought that between DH and I we can manage to travel to visit my family and it's worth it to me to put in that work to continue to be a connected, active part of my family despite living so far away. I'm absolutely not trying to tell you off or scold you here, but I really think it helps to reframe it as something that you're trying to accomplish as a couple for a meaningful purpose because the evaluation scale is different than if it's just something you're doing for pure enjoyment.

Either way that evaluation scale comes in after the trip. All you've done so far is the miserable work to get to the visit and you're exhausted and so is your baby so every awful thought and feeling is cranked up to eleven. If two hours is the absolute longest your baby can go feeding then have DH pack them up in a pram or carrier and head out for two hours while you shower and sleep. Eat something. Do some stretching to help your back. Figure out what your DH can do to make things a little bit better right in this moment, and what you can do as a team to get baby to settle a bit.

Strength. 🩷

This is put so well, really helpful advice about reframing.

Honestly, the number of posters on here saying that leaving the continent with a baby is madness astonishes me.

TEN hours! Could he not have suggested Spain for a first attempt! I hated holidays with a baby, all the shit you have to take with you and then worrying about sterilising and all that with my first who was formula fed. Slightly easier with second who was breast fed but still a pain. And the sun cream. And worrying if they're too got/too cold. You are not alone! But you need to try and make the most of it now, it will get better.

I committed the cardinal sin didn't I! Sorry for not rtft.

Just try to relax. The more you relax, the more relaxed your baby will be, especially as they’re EBF.

Your friends and family are right, travelling with a 12 month old is significantly harder than a 6 mth old EBF baby.

I have travelled regularly with both of mine since they were born as I live for my holidays and I’ve always found it to be great. They’ve always done really well travelling and in new environments and that’s probably because I’ve been super relaxed around them. More relaxed than at home in fact.

All of this. It's not a holiday, it's visiting family. As someone who has moved countries a couple of times, you just have to deal with it. SHIT as it is. And it's not relaxing or fun.

Crikey you sound like hard work. Yes, flights with kids are miserable but it sounds like your husband was keen to take your baby to meet family (his, by any chance?) That sounds like a really valuable thing to do.
Jet lag improves quite quickly if you try to get into the local routine. It. sounds like he is trying hard. You can either wallow and spoil the holiday or try to have fun.
And I say this as someone who regularly traveled with multiple small kids at once from an early age.

Did the people suggesting a short-haul holiday not read the part where the OP is visiting family 🙄

YANBU OP. We flew long-haul with our first at that age (also to visit family), brought ALL THE THINGS with us on the flight and she was absolutely fine. We really thought we were experts. Did the same again with Baby Number 2 and she screamed so hard from the moment we arrived at the airport, that we were asked whether she needed a doctor . The first few days were not much fun but it DID improve.

Hang in there (and ignore those who are being judgey and clearly have no experience of this special kind of sleep-deprived hell).

This is just blaming the OP.

@Greenwich869 you are unhappy because travelling with babies IS totally shit. I did it a lot with both of mine when they were small because we live on a different continent to family. I utterly loathe travelling with babies whereas toddlers are so much easier - you can bribe them with chocolate buttons for one. And two, they are potty trained. Hang in there and know that you’re not wrong to be finding this crappy. I found it got so much better at about 2 years old…

OP I still sometimes feel like this and my DC are teens. I’d take others advice and leave him with the baby for a few hours at least.

I'm so sorry OP. We didn't travel until ours was about 14 months and by that point it was a breeze but there is no way I would have done it before 1 (we also only had a 1 hour flight with no jet lag so that obviously massively helped!). Hopefully you'll build some lovely memories regardless and look back on this time as stressful but joyful nonetheless.

Keep going.

I never bothered with abroad holidays until kids were6/8 as it didn't sound fun. but yes if you spend the whole time miserable you are spoiling it for yourself and your family. Suck it up and make an effort.

Oh god so it's not even a holiday is it? It's a duty visit to family involving everyone wanting to hold the baby and talk and entertain you and you can't even just do your own thing. But the fact that it's a family visit means you need to suck it up and not hate your DH over making you do it.