To hate holiday with baby

[Greenwich869]

DH insisted it will be great. He was excited. I was the negative nelly obviously but gave in. Well, we're here. 10 hour flight was brutal. Baby is jet lagged. So are we. It's made baby clingy even though he never was clingy with me before. He won't settle for dad now. My back feels like it will snap in two from spending the last 24 hours holding baby to sleep in the airport and plane. Constantly rocking him as if he is a newborn but he's 9 kgs.

It's just parenting a million times worse.

It's day 1, we arrived this morning. DH is insisting it was the right thing to come. He is going the extra mile, trying to do lots and I am trying to put on a good face but I am absolutely miserable.

The right thing to do is snap out of it and enjoy it as there's no quick way to go home. But I hate DH right now. Hate his fucking guts. Could 100% divorce him over this. And I hate myself for giving in to his stupid idea. Hate, hate, hate myself.

Well your there now so make the most of it. It's actually good to take them when their little so they get used to it. I know parents who waited until their kids were older and they just don't settle.

Holidays with very young kids is just the same slog, but hot and sweaty.

The right thing to do is give baby to his father and not take him back for the rest of the holiday. DH can do everything he has planned with the baby carrier strapped on. DH also gets to do the holding the baby in the plane thing all the way home.

How else will he learn to listen to the voice of reason and experience?

You're rightly angry at DH but also angry with yourself, I think, and that's harder. But honestly, forgive yourself. There's no shame in wanting a holiday. I wonder whether up until now you've been doing the lion's share of parenting and so DH really has no idea how intense and never ending it is. Obviously with an EBF baby an awful lot is down to you, but has your DH been completely involved in everything else, and taking the initiative as well not just doing it when you ask? If not now is a great time to get it going. Otherwise you end up the default parent for years. Tell him you're having a day off and when baby cries for food, he can bring her to you on your sun lounger for nursing, but otherwise the nap schedule, nappy changes, activities to entertain baby are on him for the day.
I would 100% recommend shared parental leave in this regard, if you haven't fixed mat leave plans yet. Only through being solely responsible all day long does a person/dad really appreciate the physical and mental burden of childcare, with nobody to fall back on. It really helped my DH step up with both our children, and hugely helped our fair division of labour at home, and thus my feelings/our marriage.

She did not choose it.

It was her stupid husband who did that and wouldn't listen to her arguments against it - presumably because he never does much with the baby and deep down wants to pretend their life as a couple hasn't changed at all.

Go to bed.

Ignore your husband and his silly ideas.

He sounds like a massive twit.

A holiday with a baby isn't a holiday.

It can be one of two ways. One way, which is where your currently at, is you're away without your home comforts and you're feeling a bit miserable.

Another way, is to accept you're parenting, whether at home or away. My baby was super clingy and lived in a sling to save my back. Baby would be clingy etc wherever I was so I may as well have a clingy baby somewhere warm and new to explore rather than staring at the same four walls.

Your DH needs to step up and do his bit. You're feeding, he needs to be on the nappy changes, rocking, giving you as long a break as you can have given EBF. Baby may not be enthused but you need it.

Absolutely agree with every word of this.

breath.
in/out til lull self into(false)calmness.Especially round baby.
its time limited.change holiday to "destination experience" If you have one good minute-focus on that. goodluck x

Hmm, I loved holidays with my baby but I think the trick is to book something with the child in mind. So not long haul overnight flights. Sleep deprivation is the worst though, I hope things get better when you have some sleep. I'd definitely let DH have the baby for at least a few hours.

Holiday with a baby and long flight = not a holiday. We did a trip with ours to Italy; that was ok as it involved gentle sightseeing but we were very sleep deprived. Beach/sunbathing would have been a nightmare. Beach with a small child is generally a nightmare (eat sand, cry because of sand, try to crawl off etc). It gets better...

I can only suggest the OP Googles places in Europe with an excellent crèche (for when baby is a little older) and insists husband books this kind of holiday next time so you get a few hours of downtime each day. I recommend Mousses Lefkada or Ikos resorts for this purpose.

Oh my - I feel for you. If I were you I’d be carving out some alone time with immediate effect (appreciate your breastfeeding) but I would even lie and say you feel ill or something - anything to get away by yourself even if it’s in the bathroom!

after the holiday I would also be booking some things for myself - even if it’s a local salon. Treat yourself after this experience but in the mean time try to breathe and make the most of being away

We went to the Maldives last year when our daughter was 6 months, also EBF. It was fab once we got over the first day. Husband took the baby between feeds so I could sunbathe and have uninterrupted time to myself. 2 hours between feeds is fine, just get him to bring baby back and take away again. Must be a kids club to take baby to for some toys etc so they can play together. Evenings should be lovely. My baby was a contact napper so slept in the sling during our dinner and then woke up just before the third course, so it did feel relaxing. You’ll be fine, you’re on holiday, it’s an adjustment but you will have a lovely time.

I took DD1 on a long road trip when she was 5 months old and again at 12 months at the behest of exH. In between, there was a four hour plane trip (8 hours round trip), and subsequently there were other trips by plane.

She did not remember these travels at all. Not the airports, the planes, the beaches, the hiking, the visiting of grandparents, the cafes or restaurants or hotels or pools. Her first memory of travel was a trip when she was four. It was all new and exciting to her.

There is absolutely no need to 'get babies used to travel'. It's just pointless work for the mother, who is the only one getting used to it.

The way to train kids to get used to travel is to teach them to behave well for long stretches, to amuse themselves and not need you to entertain them, to come to you when you call them, and to behave politely and be quiet in restaurants or cafes. You do not have to schlep them miles from home to achieve any of this.

Was a 10 hour flight with a 6 month old reallyyyyy necessary? I think that’s the main issue, you should have gone somewhere with a shorter journey, like Spain.

@Greenwich869 a 10 hour flight with a six month old baby????? I am amazed your dh was able to walk off the plane! I would have killed him if it was me with a baby!

Hang on - holiday or introducing baby to family?

I didn't take my child abroad until he was 4.5 yrs. I couldn't be bothered with the hassle. No regrets. I feel for you.

I hear you OP! We took our DC to the Caribbean to visit family for their first holiday when they were 6 months old. With DD1 the jet lag was horrific and if she wasn’t keeping us awake, the bloody cockerels were.
with DD2 the plane journey was the worst, and we also had a toddler to deal with.
Both times it was shitty at the time, but I do have lovely memories now. You will look back and laugh… or smile at least!

Aww 💐

Many of us have been in your position. It’s not a holiday with a baby unless you are one of a tiny minority who brings their nanny along.

Do whatever it takes to make the trip as easy as possible. Throw some money at it if it helps. If any relatives or friends might be amenable to helping out in some way, ask them. They can only say no.

Also ask your husband to manage relatives expectations and keep visits relatively short.

I said to DH when our kids were little that I'm not taking them anywhere where we will get jetlag until they're of an age that they would just read in their rooms rather than come and wake me up if they can't sleep. (They're nearly 13 now and all I can say is, any day now... it's really something to have to walk a kid back to bed who is actually taller than you!)

Same shit different view was how I felt about holidays until the kids were about 9

I've travelled with my baby long haul since he was 4 months but I always travelled a lot before he was born and I spent ages prepping and planning to make things as smooth as possible (and spending too much on travel pushchairs). I love it but my parents came with me most times and my mum certainly wouldn't have chosen to do that with us as babies. She hates travelling anyway - it's definitely not for everyone.

Point is it is hard and you have to be 100% committed really as the primary parent or it does feel so hard and your DH should have listened to you.

Now you're there though I see it as it's the same stuff but with a much nicer view - I was still up at 5am but I got to open the shutters and watch the sun rise over the sea. We still had tantrums but he'd calm down with a walk on the beach. It was still breastfeeding but I was warm and had a beautiful view and a mocktail in hand 🙂

It was a 10 HOUR FLIGHT!

I'd be amazed if the OP was still sane! If you're going to go on holiday with a baby a 3 hour flight would be just about doable. Otherwise stay in the UK!

Yanbu. We didn’t go on a proper holiday with children until the youngest was almost 4. Before then it was just a week somewhere in the UK and even then it was just a change of scene rather than a holiday, because actually things are much easier at home with routine. Never, ever would I have gone abroad for a holiday with a baby, especially on a long flight. Hope you can make the best of it.