Page 9 | DH wants to start gym every day before work

PeopleNeverLearn · 05/03/2025 15:14

I think gum is important for wellbeing but he should make time to support you as well

HelmholtzWatson · 05/03/2025 16:16

Deadringer · 05/03/2025 12:46

Lots of women don't enjoy it much either, but once the dc are here you just have to get on with it.

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Maybe OP should follow this advice.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 05/03/2025 16:27

PeopleNeverLearn · 05/03/2025 15:14

I think gum is important for wellbeing but he should make time to support you as well

You mean parent his own children.

They are not just her children she needs support to bring up. They are their children which means he should be parenting them as well !!

PeopleNeverLearn · 05/03/2025 16:32

SpringIsSpringing25 · 05/03/2025 16:27

You mean parent his own children.

They are not just her children she needs support to bring up. They are their children which means he should be parenting them as well !!

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Yes - fair enough - sorry for my typo

gym not gum!!!

Uppitymuppity · 05/03/2025 18:03

How convenient that he wants to attend the gym at one of the hardest times in the day. Of course he's being an arse and you are not being unreasonable wanting him to help.

Whippetlovely · 05/03/2025 18:12

Someone at work said her husband helps get her children ready for school in the morning. I was quite surprised. My other half is up early and gone before we are even awake. I don't know many husbands that get up and help with the kids in the morning, I thought bloody hell she's lucky. Maybe it is more commonplace that I thought. Back to the gym I'm all for exercise so I'd be saying yes you can go two mornings and one evening and I'll do the same. Sort out a compromise so you both get some me time.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/03/2025 18:21

Whippetlovely · 05/03/2025 18:12

Someone at work said her husband helps get her children ready for school in the morning. I was quite surprised. My other half is up early and gone before we are even awake. I don't know many husbands that get up and help with the kids in the morning, I thought bloody hell she's lucky. Maybe it is more commonplace that I thought. Back to the gym I'm all for exercise so I'd be saying yes you can go two mornings and one evening and I'll do the same. Sort out a compromise so you both get some me time.

Don't you mean their children? It isn't helping to parent your own children.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 05/03/2025 18:24

Kitchensinktoday · 05/03/2025 12:47

If your hours are being dictated by someone else then legally you are not self-employed..

Utter rubbish @SpringIsSpringing25

no it's not utter rubbish.

As a contractor, your partner has chosen to accept as part of the contract being there at seven when the concrete is poured or whatever, no one is setting his hours of work without any say from him.

Whippetlovely · 05/03/2025 18:25

Bumblebeestiltskin · 05/03/2025 12:35

I mean, it mainly does. I've been self employed for 15 years and choose my work hours, and I can't think of a single one of my self employed friends who make themselves work at specific times. It's one of the benefits of being your own boss.

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If he works in construction it's not really like that, he would be expected to be on site set hours. Most sites / projects won't want you coming in at 9am or as you please and leaving at 3pm for school pick up. It does not work like that. Being self employed in lots of fields does not mean you can do what the hell you like, you have to work around what your client needs.

tipsandtoes · 05/03/2025 19:32

@Mamof3downsouth

I get we all need the ‘me time’ - just wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable as I’m exhausted 😴
When do you get your me time?

redphonecase · 05/03/2025 19:33

Oh dear. What a shitty parent. You'd be better off on your own with CMS. .maybe put that to him?

Kitchensinktoday · 05/03/2025 19:40

SpringIsSpringing25 · 05/03/2025 18:24

no it's not utter rubbish.

As a contractor, your partner has chosen to accept as part of the contract being there at seven when the concrete is poured or whatever, no one is setting his hours of work without any say from him.

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If he’s not on site during normal operating hours, then he’s not much use. Please apply some common sense

Bearbookagainandagain · 05/03/2025 20:00

I would suggest to him that he picks parenting as a hobby rather than the gym. Seems higher priority for your family right now...

Tallyrand · 05/03/2025 20:03

What a piss take this is from your H.

I'd be tempted to counter offer OK 5 days a week at the gym 2 days in the morning 3 days at night, alter every week. The days you go to the gym in the morning you do the bed times. The days you go at night you get them up and ready for the day.

You'll be told how unreasonable you are even although that routine would result in a 50/50 split every fortnight.

I'm not one of these Dads by the way and neither are any of my friends. A female relative had twins and her partner decided he wanted to increase his golf hobby to 3 days a week. The first time he was left with his own kids he was completely useless.

There's no other way to describe it but weaponised incompetence.

I do everything in the house except cooking. Share the nursery runs, bed times and morning prep. Get all the bags sorted, into the car etc. This isn't optional it's what I signed up to when I became a parent.

My wife is currently on a 3 day conference with her colleagues, she was panicking when initially offered the place as it meant I'd have the kids on my own. I encouraged her to do it because it would be good for all of us.

We've had a great day at a local aquarium, they're both in bed now and I'm about to flick on the PSG vs Liverpool game.

It's tiring but when you want to do it you find the energy. I suppose you could say that about 5 days a week at the gym which sounds like my idea of hell.

Bestfootforward11 · 05/03/2025 20:10

I think he’s being selfish. He doesn’t want to put the kids to bed on his own? Just gives them the iPad to ‘entertain’ them? Just ridiculous. He’s a grown up and a father and needs to get his act together and think beyond his own needs. A few times to the gym is fine but you need your time too.
My DH and I would love to go to the gym every day but we work things out so we each to get to go a few times a week where we can. It’s a no brainer. His needs and convenience does not come before everyone else. He’s just carrying on as if life hasn’t changed, but he’s a father. I am angry in your behalf.

PurplGirl · 05/03/2025 20:48

Mamof3downsouth · 05/03/2025 12:32

I don’t think there’s anything close to an affair going on. I think it’s because the man he works with goes 6-7 then they go to work from him finishing is the reason he also wants to now join. He also has children and I know his partner, and she struggles with it but they seem to think doing all this is ok. He doesn’t miss bedtime going to the pub on a Friday, his excuse is that he can go every Friday because he finishes early to go so is still home at 5/half 5 like every other day in the week

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say in principle, I’d try to support him going to the gym a few early mornings (but not all 5). I’ve recently joined up, really trying to focus on my health, and my husband has been supportive, taking over bedtimes solo 2-3 nights per week. BUT….it sounds like you’re carrying a lot already. The pub every Friday is an absolute pee take. The obvious compromise is that he goes to the gym 3 mornings, 2 evenings and ditches the weekly pub - instead coming home early to give you an afternoon off.
He may not even stick at this gym malarkey, so maybe try to find a compromise to show willing. But it sounds like you’re also need a separate discussion about sharing out the mental load too.

converseandjeans · 05/03/2025 20:51

That sounds convenient that he suddenly wants to go to the gym now you have 3 kids to juggle in the morning. From what I read on here it seems like lots of men discover hobbies that mean they disappear from the home & therefore have no part in the daily grind.

Golf, football, fishing, cycling are a few which spring to mind. He needs to agree to a couple of mornings.

What is his plan once you go back to work? It sounds like you're the main wage earner, plus do most of the childcare & housework.

Catwench · 05/03/2025 20:54

If he doesn’t get up until 6.50 on a normal day how about suggesting he is back home for 6.50 to help as normal. I’m the one who goes to the gym of a morning, I have to be back for 7 for my husband to leave for work, means I get to go in the gym and do half a spin class, I then do nursery runs etc and because he’s in bed/getting ready he doesn’t notice that I’ve gone as much.

AuntieLemonade · 05/03/2025 21:34

Clap along everyone…

👏 MEN 👏
👏 doing 👏
👏 CHILDCARE 👏
👏 is not 👏
👏 HELPING 👏
👏 it is 👏
👏 PARENTING 👏

And repeat…

JHound · 05/03/2025 22:35

Do you mean you asked if he can go to the gym in the evening ?

Codlingmoths · 06/03/2025 04:47

Cheeseburger85 · 05/03/2025 11:51

Alot of shoulds there.

This happens when men get told they don't matter by society. Men used to have a defined role. Work. Women would do the house and children.

Was that good for all involved? Who knows? I wasn't there. But men had to sacrifice family time to bring in the money. Work isn't an escape as some idiots would have you think.

I have a genuine question. Why is it that women think men "should" be available? What is in it for them? Being a "good dad/husband" isn't enough. Because men don't seem to find that emotionally motivating. So, how can we get men to take more of a lead? I say this is a very involved dad who does all but the washing up!

Endlessly browbeating men is NOT getting them to be better dads and partners. So give me an alternative... because this isn't working for anyone.

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Wtf? Being a good dad/husband IS enough. Taking up new hobbies that mean you miss busy periods of the family day you are expected to be there for is neither, nor is ‘I want my me time and want you to parent solo so I can have it but you can’t leave me to parent solo.’ That’s just dickhead waaahhhh it’s not fair why aren’t you treating me like I’m SPECIAL?territory. You start with being a genuinely good dad/husband and the rest falls into place but sounds like you haven’t the faintest idea of what that looks like.

Freshstartyear25 · 06/03/2025 05:09

I’m sure this isn’t new so I always find it hard that a woman will have 3 children in quick succession for a man who doesn’t want to parent. Anyway, Yanbu
DH and I also exercise 5 days a week so I can understand that part but none of us neglect our responsibilities. He needs to go from 5-6 in the morning so he’s around when the kids wake up or go in the evening as op suggested.

Littlejellyuk · 06/03/2025 09:25

Mamof3downsouth · 05/03/2025 10:21

So as the post says my DH has said he wants to start going to the gym every morning before work so 6-7.

He leaves for work at 7 and gets home just after 5. We have 3 DC, age 3, 2 and 6 months old. I’m currently on mat leave and my eldest is in nursery so I do the nursery drop off and pick up every day, which is a 15 minute drive

He is self employed the the only day he finishes early is Friday so he can go to the pub.

I’ve asked him if he can go to the gym 8-9 when the oldest 2 are in bed so I’m not doing the whole morning on my own but this isn’t convenient for him, our eldest wake up between 5.30 and 6 (but they go to bed at half 6!)

am I being unreasonable wanting the extra help on a morning? Not sure if I’m just exhausted and want the extra support but being unreasonable.

as he’s self employed, he’s often out weekend mornings looking at/quoting jobs

I just find it very full on with 3 and still BF the baby so the help on a morning is appreciated. He just occupies them; gets the oldest 2 dressed then I sort pack lunch, breakfast and getting them in the car for the nursery run.

Can he not have a lunch break and go to the gym then for 30 mins? That's what my hubby did.

Harry12345 · 06/03/2025 11:27

Never fails to amaze me that men think they can either continue as they did before or pick up a new hobby when you’re in the thick of it with young children. Maybe a couple of times a week when it fits in with family life but to want to bail out of doing his share every morning and going to the pub every Friday whilst you make more money would enrage me

Katbum · 06/03/2025 14:28

I feel like your husband is being a massive baby. No he doesn’t get to duck out of responsibilities to the kids every single weekday morning, and leave you alone all morning, day and then no doubt leave you to do the bulk of bedtime. F-off, would be my response. Yes he needs exercise but he can either find an hour during his work, or maybe you can agree 1-2 mornings in exchange for him giving you either 1-2 mornings or evenings off a week. Why should you have to do everything? What the hell is wrong with him? What will he do when you go back to work? I presume it’s still all on you then? Why can’t he exercise on a Friday if he leaves work early? Why is he entitled to a night at the pub?