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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH wants to start gym every day before work

230 replies

Mamof3downsouth · 05/03/2025 10:21

So as the post says my DH has said he wants to start going to the gym every morning before work so 6-7.

He leaves for work at 7 and gets home just after 5. We have 3 DC, age 3, 2 and 6 months old. I’m currently on mat leave and my eldest is in nursery so I do the nursery drop off and pick up every day, which is a 15 minute drive

He is self employed the the only day he finishes early is Friday so he can go to the pub.

I’ve asked him if he can go to the gym 8-9 when the oldest 2 are in bed so I’m not doing the whole morning on my own but this isn’t convenient for him, our eldest wake up between 5.30 and 6 (but they go to bed at half 6!)

am I being unreasonable wanting the extra help on a morning? Not sure if I’m just exhausted and want the extra support but being unreasonable.

as he’s self employed, he’s often out weekend mornings looking at/quoting jobs

I just find it very full on with 3 and still BF the baby so the help on a morning is appreciated. He just occupies them; gets the oldest 2 dressed then I sort pack lunch, breakfast and getting them in the car for the nursery run.

OP posts:
Allsorted1 · 06/03/2025 17:53

What’s the matter with you woman?! Tell him no! That’s not convenient for YOU! I feel like telling him for you!

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 06/03/2025 18:08

Mamof3downsouth · 05/03/2025 10:26

@SkaneTos he doesn’t want to put the kids to bed on his own, so I can but once the children are in bed and I’d have to take the baby, which is why I think I find it hard!

@CobaltSky I’m still getting most my maternity pay and will go back before stat ends as I earn more than he does so need it to afford bills etc. I do get that but also feel like we both chose to have the children and the then he’s having one hour a day with them 🙈

Jesus you're the bread winner and he expects you to do the majority of child related work.... I appreciate you're on maternity leave but it's not a holiday is it, it's to care for your smallest, newest baby. Will he want the routine to continue when you're at work too!? I would sit down and roughly tot up how much spare/alone/personal time you're both getting (when he's at work you've got at least 1 child so none of that time counts as your personal time) and it should be 50/50. It sounds like it very very much isn't. I'd also look at how much work you each do in the house (again, you caring for the baby during the day is you doing your job, that's what mat leave is for) again, it should be 50/50, if he's not doing breakfast, nursery run, bedtime then he should be, he should also be sharing housework, cooking, laundry with you. If he doesn't like looking after kids, why on earth did he sign up for 3..... So many men get away with this and it's so unfair, especially if you also work full time/are the higher earner.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 06/03/2025 18:14

Whippetlovely · 05/03/2025 18:12

Someone at work said her husband helps get her children ready for school in the morning. I was quite surprised. My other half is up early and gone before we are even awake. I don't know many husbands that get up and help with the kids in the morning, I thought bloody hell she's lucky. Maybe it is more commonplace that I thought. Back to the gym I'm all for exercise so I'd be saying yes you can go two mornings and one evening and I'll do the same. Sort out a compromise so you both get some me time.

My husband works ft, he will always make the kids breakfast and get them up and I will make the packed lunches, pack bags and do the school run -it splits the work 50/50. Having said that, if he has to leave before any of us wake up (big meeting, travel etc) he just goes and doesn't do anything (which I always think is fair enough as we are all fast asleep!) If your dh is getting himself ready whilst you are asleep it's fair enough I guess, but the idea of blokes who are just sat having a coffee whilst mums race around getting 3 breakfasts, making lunches, doing hairstyles, packing bags, finding shoes - it'd drive me mad!

welshmercury · 06/03/2025 22:38

I would let him go to the gym
as he will probably quit anyway! So won’t be for long.

you do need to ensure that when you go back to work that the workload is distributed evenly

WombatStewForTea · 06/03/2025 22:59

Mamof3downsouth · 05/03/2025 12:10

I don’t have any time on my own at the minute as the BF baby won’t take a bottle, however, I have started to go food shopping on a Sunday instead of having it delivered just to have an hour on my own.

I don’t mind not going and doing things on my own. I see friends regularly through the week with our children together, even if it’s just soft play and a coffee. It isn’t about him having time on his own, it’s just the most inconvenient time for us, which is why I’d suggested when the older 2 are in bed- they are both usually asleep by 7.

You absolutely shouldn't have to but book a click and collect but let him think you're going shopping in person then spend the other 50min having proper you time

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