to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Youngest of six in senior school. Parents evening once a term and every term it is the same. She is top set and doing very well, not bragging, just a fact. I spend a couple of hours sitting waiting and then probably half an hour total being told that she is doing very well and then getting the sales pitch for her to choose their subject for GCSE. Talked to her earlier about the next one and asked her if she would mind if we didnt go, she said she thought it was a waste of time. Her father messaged me tonight asking if I had made the appointments as he gets the email reminders. I said no as I wasnt going and asked if he had made his own appointments. He went MAD. I am a bad mother, I dont care about her, I should go blah blah. I said that I had been to all the other appointments and it hadnt really told me anything I didnt know but he was welcome to go himself. Again, it was my job, I am a shit mother who doesnt care about her.

So that was when I lost my shit and said "Well considerning you have never been to a single one of her parents evenings, perhaps this is the time you should go if you think it matters so much". Radio Silence.

I dont feel that it will make any difference, DD agrees.

So, if it matters to him so much, he can go right?

Oh hello, guess who is back after a couple of bottles of who the hell knows what!

Why did you not bugger off as requested?

Because I have a right to free speech, as have you.

''If he thought it was important he should go himself''. Could that be taken as a reminder that he had never taken an interest in any of his children? This it hurtful. How would anyone reply to that?

If he took that as meaning that he had never taken an interest in his only child, tough - if the truth hurt him, it was no-one's fault but his own. No-one with half a brain would reply by saying OP was a bad mother for refusing to go this time, not least because they would have been able to work out that it was just inviting a comparison with their own failure to go ever.

If this little exchange makes him think a bit before making utterly stupid accusations against OP, I'd say that was a definite win. I don't understand why you don't see that.

Why would it upset her father if he has never bothered to go himself? Plus, if he takes a genuine interest in his child, he will know that OP sees the HOY once a fortnight and therefore it's absolutely correct that she has all the relevant information already.

OP didn't "bawl him out because he wasn't going either". She didn't bawl at all, given that this was all in writing. She merely pointed out the logical corollary to his criticism of her.

Why does OP need a new partner? Does it occur to you she may be perfectly happy without a man to validate her?

You really do have major problems with your reading comprehension.

You were chair of governors at special schools but didn't know what "ND" meant?

That's quite some achievement. Didn't you read anything about learning difficulties?

Did you not notice that OP is going to meetings at the school about this supposedly forgotten child once a fortnight? She'd have to be going some to feel forgotten in those circumstances.

And with just one word you reveal you know nothing about special needs. Very, very few children with SEN have them because of "diseases". Governors in a special school cannot do their job properly without at least some knowledge of the areas of learning difficulty which their school is working with.

This is just so ridiculous. Governors of special schools need to know about the difficulties for which the school caters because it will dictate the way the school is organised and indeed how it is built. For example, do the children need small classes or large ones; what sort of pupil:teacher ratio do they need; do they need provision for small group and 1:1 work; do they need sensory rooms, therapy rooms, hydrotherapy pools etc; do they need acoustic panelling and sound dampening in the classrooms; do they need hearing loops, or guides for poor sight; do they need wider corridors and larger doorways to accommodate wheelchairs; do they need hoists; do they need help with toileting and incontinence; do they need special diets. You don't have to have any individual child's personal details to equip yourself with basic information like this.

What's the matter with you? Posters can respond directly to the OP and to other posters. They can respond on behalf of the OP if they wish. It isn't against posting guidelines. Why do you think that you have the authority to police this thread when the OP has asked you many times to leave as your contributions are the opposite of helpful and yet here you are, still posting uninformed, judgemental rubbish?

Why are you picking on this poster? Aren’t we all entitled to free speech? Or do you only agree with it when it’s you doing the talking?

im sure you have been asked this many times in your life but what on earth is wrong with you? You seem to have issues

Do you struggle basic comprehension in your governing role too? I really hope no children in schools you govern haven’t suffered from any decisions of your very clear poor judgement

In yet another complete derail of OP's thread, you display your complete ignorance of the education of children with SEN, and horrifically refer to them as 'problem children'.

You refer to other posters showing a 'great lack of tolerance and understanding' when you have epitomised intolerance and lack of understanding throughout this thread.

As for 'idiots who think they know better', if the cap fits, please wear it. You have just learned the meaning of ND today, yet you have taken it upon yourself to lecture the mothers of ND children in this post and to give them a list of ridiculous questions that you think they should be asking about their own children.

Ermmm no, do you have memory problems. The OP complained that YOU weren’t answering her question.

It’s really useful that when you advance search on here you can see everything a poster has said. The very first few of your posts on this thread you were sanctimoniously going on about how both parents should attend, and nothing about OPs AIBU.

You then made stupid suggestions and then started victim blaming.

you then kept on calling it an open day or teacher meet,

Edited to add: let’s not forget the fact you have no idea what ND stands for despite being a governor for what you say are special schools

Please show me where you have sensitively considered OPs AIBU?

spoiler alert you haven’t.

Gotcha moment right there

Yes of course he's being an arse.

But imo you just go. It's just one of those things you do. Because there's always tja slightest chance that despite what dd says, she would actually like you to take an interest and go. To sit and hear the teachers say how well she's doing - to engage with the activity and place where she spends the majority of her time when not at home.

Just do it.

@PyongyangKipperbang "have six kids and come back and say that again"??
Really?
It's not her fault you saw fit to have six kids ffs.

OP has already said she has regular (fortnightly I think) contact with her child’s teachers.

No I did see that but I still think you just go, it's just what you do.

OP has already said she has regular (fortnightly I think) contact with her child’s teachers.

Why is that needed if the child is such a marvel that parents evening is unnecessary?

This whole thread is becasue OP can't be bothered and has her arse in her hands about her ex.

Not sure if you meant to quote me but I’m following the thread and I agree. I was responding to someone saying just go

Because there's always tja slightest chance that despite what dd says, she would actually like you to take an interest and go.

Several posters said this upthread. OP went back and had another talk with DD. She definitely doesn’t want to go. OP is in regular contact with the head of year. DD has already made her GCSE choices. Two hours sitting about waiting to engage with teachers for about two minutes at a time isn’t going to tell OP anything she doesn’t already know.

Everyone's different but I think you don't even suggest to your child whether you should sack it off and give them the choice. You just do it; and that it makes quite an important statement. It shouldn't even be a question. Dd doesn't have to come if it would cause her stress or anxiety.

If you had read the whole thread you would know that wasn’t true. If you are having to ask why OP is in fortnightly contact with the head of year, then you clearly missed the fact that DD is ND - OP advocated for, and successfully had her placed in a support program to help her confidence. Hence the one to one updates with the head of year. Does that say ‘can’t be bothered’ to you ?

DD is also gifted and despite having made her GCSE choices and being clear about what she wants, some teachers are putting pressure on for her to study their subjects. Possibly OP doesn’t want her to be exposed to that pressure, and if she’s up to date on her progress and supports her GCSE choices, then they don’t need the inevitable hassle at the parents’ evening.

And what do you mean OP has her arse in her hands about her ex ? Do you mean her physically and verbally abusive ex, who despite trying to strangle her, still has access and parental rights regarding his DD ? No one here supports men like that and OP hasn’t been handed her arse here - quite the opposite in fact..

You do understand that just because something works well for you doesn’t mean it’s applicable to all don’t you? Maybe you don’t