to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Youngest of six in senior school. Parents evening once a term and every term it is the same. She is top set and doing very well, not bragging, just a fact. I spend a couple of hours sitting waiting and then probably half an hour total being told that she is doing very well and then getting the sales pitch for her to choose their subject for GCSE. Talked to her earlier about the next one and asked her if she would mind if we didnt go, she said she thought it was a waste of time. Her father messaged me tonight asking if I had made the appointments as he gets the email reminders. I said no as I wasnt going and asked if he had made his own appointments. He went MAD. I am a bad mother, I dont care about her, I should go blah blah. I said that I had been to all the other appointments and it hadnt really told me anything I didnt know but he was welcome to go himself. Again, it was my job, I am a shit mother who doesnt care about her.

So that was when I lost my shit and said "Well considerning you have never been to a single one of her parents evenings, perhaps this is the time you should go if you think it matters so much". Radio Silence.

I dont feel that it will make any difference, DD agrees.

So, if it matters to him so much, he can go right?

Bloody hell, what a lot of projection on this thread.

Someone should go, regardless if the child is Einstein. One day, they'll look back with the view their parents couldn't be arsed. I know, because I do. Show up for your kid and stop making excuses.

Oh FFS can you just stop !! It’s exhausting. I’ve said my piece several times over, and I’m not alone by any means. You’ve derailed the entire thread with this nonsense and you’ve clearly worn the OP out to the point where she’s abandoned the thread. Hope you’re proud.

Read the thread. Several posters said similar to yourself so OP went back and talked to her DD who was emphatic that she not only doesn’t want OP to go to parents evening, but she doesn’t want her to go to the options evening either. It’s nothing to do with not being arsed - OP is in regular contact every fortnight with DD’s head of year, so she’s more clued up than most parents. And your opening comment about projecting - what do you think you’re doing here ?

Yeah the idiot ex husband should

The role of a governing body is the education of the child, not the diseases they are suffering from. It was the job of the governing body to ensure that what the children needed was supplied. There was no diagnosis of ND before the 1990s, and ADHD was coined in 2000, the 21st century.

“Neurodivergent” isn't a medical term, condition or diagnosis. People who are neurodivergent have differences in the way their brain works. This is still true even for people with the same medical diagnosis. That means people with very different signs and symptoms can still have the same diagnosis.

It was described in the late 1990s

ADHD has only been a recognised diagnosis since 2000.

I am not embarrassed or hurt by your very rude post on my character. It may well be known to all on here. It is not to me. I suspect I am not alone.

In this situation, I'd ask your daughter if she wants you to go talk to some/all her teachers. If she isn't fussed, don't go.

I was the 'good' one out of my siblings. My parents always went to all of their parents evenings because they were worried about them and didn't go to a single one of my senior school ones because 'it was always fine and there was no point'. If they had asked, I'd have wanted them to at least go to one a year so I felt like they cared.

If it wears you out, don't respond.

If you think your remarks will make me agree with everyone who posts on here that they are hard done by and life is cruel and unfair, then I will not.

There are two sides to every problem. Only by discussing both sides can you determine who is to blame for a situation. It is the same in ordinary relationships with a partner as in a war.

I did not vote for either the reasonable or unreasonable, on the grounds that it is too one sided. and if I agreed with the poster without knowing just what happened it would be wrong. If there are no victims in a divorce, there are none after the divorce.

Parents have to love their children more than they hate each other.

It was a tit for tat spat of name calling in the end. If you know what starts someone off, don't press their buttons. You only have yourself to blame.

”you mothers” is very telling. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Continue to bask in your imagined superiority.

In an earlier post you professed not to have heard the term ND and had to google it. I found it strange that someone with your experience on the governing bodies of special schools wouldn’t have come across this term. You’ve clearly been googling again because you’re copying and pasting. I know all about ND - have been a disability outreach worker since the mid 1990’s and the phrase was well in use by then - it may not be a medical term, but there are different diagnoses made under its’ umbrella, so to speak. And I’m not sure what the distinction is that you’re making in the role of the governing body. How can you ensure that what the children need is supplied if you don’t understand the conditions they have ? If the child is in special education then the condition is integral to that, and determines the level of need surely ?

Which makes a mockery of him calling her a bad mother and her calling him a bad father, doesn't it, because that is what the argument was about.

It is sad that throughout a child's education the father never went to her schools and met her teachers, something that should have been discussed while they were married.

Rather late to remind him now, isn't it? Two parents rowing because neither one wants to go, because the 16 year old doesn't want to go either, and no one suggested they don't take her with them.

Even worse that neither of them think it worth the effort. What about the DD? How can a 16 year old make that decision? How can parents let her, especially if the DD has ND.

The love of the child is more important than anything else. I said the meeting was important. I don't give a monkey's whether you all think it a take it or leave it appointment.

In your post of 00.38 you said:

'I see now that I was too kind. You refused to attend the child's meet teacher evening because you didn't think it was worth going, as you were only going to be told what you knew already, that your DD was doing well.

I can see why that would upset her father.'

You can't even keep track of your own hideous posts but then deny saying the things that other posters have challenged you about.

I didn’t say it wears me out did I ? I can challenge your bullshit all night.

This reply wasn’t to you, but I’ll bite. You’ve been told numerous times now that OP is very involved with DD’s school. She is in regular contact every couple of weeks with DD’s head of year - you’re very handy with the supercilious put downs but you’ve yet to explain what you think OP would gain from the parents’ evening given that she’s comprehensively up to date on DD’s progress and makes it her business to be so.

There was also no ‘argument’ between OP and her ex. He asked a question, she answered it, and because he’s a controlling narcissistic arse and OP wasn’t obeying him, he kicked off at her. Not the other way around.

Oh and by the way your ableism is showing again. Because she is ND doesn’t mean that DD isn’t more than capable of making decisions for herself. She’s clearly doing well, knows what she wants and is being given the autonomy she deserves. So it’s back to Google for you then, because you clearly think ND means some sort of learning disability. Sorry to disappoint.

Oh my goodness , I’ve been out all day, had several drinks and @llizzie is still spouting BS.

feel so sorry for this very reasonable OP that her thread has been completely derailed by this loon

I said upthread i'd been through this with my ex. He makes a MASSIVE ass of himself every parents evening for both kids, but has NEVER attended a single one.

The usual routine is he gets an email, i get yelled at because i don't go to every one and they VITALLY IMPORTANT, and then i get a rant about how the school are being unfair to working parents and purposely trying to exclude him.. even though if he wanted to go he could just book appointments later in the day (our sons are all during school hours, SN school/colleges) or arrange a phonecall which is offered for parents who can't make it.

He makes threats to email/send shitty phonecalls to the schools, and i make it known to the school that his behaviour is all his own and nothing to do with me or my children.

He never does any of it.. just blows up, abuses me, makes my life hell for a day or two, then goes quiet.

Rinse Repeat.

I just don't bother telling him now, and shut down any conversation about it. DD15 is in her GCSE year and he seems, after 8 years, to have finally decided to just let me update him if i do attend them.

Thanks again all for the contructive advice and comments.

To answer a couple of point....

DD is far from the "forgotten child". As her older siblings have either moved out or are at uni, she gets more one to one with me as a teen than they did. And due to the ND I have no choice to be as involved as I am. We are very close and she is very close to two of her sisters in particular and would talk to them if she didnt want to talk to me.

And for those STILL banging on about "one of you should go", I am not discussing that anymore. This is not what the thread was about and I have already explained the reasons why not many times.

I just read your posts and you are absolutely correct to tell your Ex that he should go to the parents evening if he is that bothered about it. It’s your choice not to go and if you are not concerned about your DD, then I can see it being a waste of time. My twins are in the Y9 and I went to every bloody parents evening since they started school and a lot of time it was just the same stuff over and over again. They chose GCSE subjects in Y8 and now they are preparing for it, but my Ex ( their dad ) still doesn’t remember what subjects they did choose and he has them 50/50

@Lovelysausagedogscrumpy It's not meant to be for her DD to decide. Lazy assed parenting is what it is.

A lazy ass parent wouldnt have fortnightly contact with her HOY and wouldnt have advocated for her due to her ND.

But carry on making assumptions and looking silly if you want to.

The difference between my opinion and yours is that I’ve read the full thread. You clearly haven’t.

Parents would be horrified if they thought their children were being discussed in meetings of Governors. The children are placed in a school according to their needs, and the Governors meet to discuss the school, not the pupils.

The School Governors only discuss the school needs and the supply of them. They also interview and appoint Head Teachers with advice.

The placement of children in schools is for the local authority who employ people to do that. Anything to do with the child is confidential.

You know what? The OP complained that 'all the posters have not answered her question, which was not about the meet teacher, but the row she had with her X over going, and what he said to her.

I commented on that, and she didn't like that either. I suggested if she had not responded to him, but ended the message, he would have been unable to say anything bad to her.

I suppose you would say the night was filled with sunshine if I said it was dark.

Why did you think fit to respond to this poster? Did you arrange to take up issues on behalf of the OP?

Wow there really are some hard-of-thinking people on this thread.

Good on you @PyongyangKipperbang for standing up to him. He has no right to insult you for not doing something he's never done himself.