to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Youngest of six in senior school. Parents evening once a term and every term it is the same. She is top set and doing very well, not bragging, just a fact. I spend a couple of hours sitting waiting and then probably half an hour total being told that she is doing very well and then getting the sales pitch for her to choose their subject for GCSE. Talked to her earlier about the next one and asked her if she would mind if we didnt go, she said she thought it was a waste of time. Her father messaged me tonight asking if I had made the appointments as he gets the email reminders. I said no as I wasnt going and asked if he had made his own appointments. He went MAD. I am a bad mother, I dont care about her, I should go blah blah. I said that I had been to all the other appointments and it hadnt really told me anything I didnt know but he was welcome to go himself. Again, it was my job, I am a shit mother who doesnt care about her.

So that was when I lost my shit and said "Well considerning you have never been to a single one of her parents evenings, perhaps this is the time you should go if you think it matters so much". Radio Silence.

I dont feel that it will make any difference, DD agrees.

So, if it matters to him so much, he can go right?

I don't know what that is supposed to mean. I cannot expect everyone to have the same values in life that I do.

Perhaps you all deserve one another. No one must give advice; no one must criticise; the OP is always right, always the victim.

Oh I do speak "bad language" or swearing as actual grown ups call it.

i am not speaking it right now but I am thinking really really BIG swears, really very loudly.

You seem to think the less information we have the better. The story isn’t getting longer, the details are being filled in as posters respond and ask for more information. Context is everything, especially with the written word - nuance tends to get lost in the translation.

If you don’t like bad language I really don’t think MN is the place for you - but since you’ve just intimated that OP is lying in some way, I’d get ready for a barrage of it !!

Sanctimony and ignorance aren’t really admirable values, HTH

Fortunately a lot of people don’t have your values and don’t think a woman is responsible for a vile man.

I don’t know who you were referring to with your ‘perhaps you deserve each other’ comment when the op has said she was the victim of serious domestic violence. Horrid comment. Which says a lot about you.

OP has been pretty measured throughout the thread despite your goady and tedious responses.

Her ex-DH is an arsehole and OP is quite rightly furious about his double standards when he is a completely uninvolved and lazy father. She was pretty restrained with her response to him but you insist on implying that OP unleashed an undeserved tirade of invective at him which did not happen.

OMG, such sanctimony about your 'values' when you are the one whose posts keep being deleted for breaking Mumsnet's posting guidelines.

Hopefully, you have flounced off by now.

Perhaps you are right. I didn't know Mumsnet was only for people to leave all their inhibitions behind and swear to their heats content.

I don't remember being shown a rule that says only bad language allowed.

I have not accused the OP of lying. She did keep changing the story though.

Six of one and half a dozen of the other?

Every sore raised, she had a plaster for. Why not give us all the plasters in the beginning? OP had 6 children: on page 10 she revealed only 1 was his. Did he raise the other five, or do they live with their father?

The OP couldn't go to the meet teacher. The CF had a message from the school. The OP said he contacted her when he got the email and asked he if she was going. She said no she couldn't and could he. He rounded on her said she was a bad mother and she said he had never been at all which was worse.

Dare I ask too if DH no 1 also went to the meet teacher evening?

We all - including me - said he was wrong to insult her. I went a bit further and suggested she had known him long enough to know what he was like and should not respond to him. Again, the story changed.

I still stand by what I said.

If they cannot go together, best not to even discuss it between them. Just make separate arrangements with the school.

If the same thing happens again, she will have completely ignored all the advice and our posts are worth nothing anyway.

Here's me thinking that people post on here because they want help.

This the last time I responding.
.
I have not accused the OP of lying. She did keep changing the story though.
Six of one and half a dozen of the other?
My story has not changed. And AGAIN you are victim blaming.......you absolutely digust me.

Every sore raised, she had a plaster for. Why not give us all the plasters in the beginning? OP had 6 children: on page 10 she revealed only 1 was his. Did he raise the other five, or do they live with their father?
What the hell does that have to do with with the question I asked (clue...nothing)

The OP couldn't go to the meet teacher
Wrong. I said I WOULDNT

The CF had a message from the school. The OP said he contacted her when he got the email and asked he if she was going. She said no she couldn't and could he
Wrong. I said I wasnt going, he called me a shit mother (his words) and I said if it was so important he should go

Dare I ask too if DH no 1 also went to the meet teacher evening?
Yes, we shared them 50/50 both before and after divorce due to usually only one of us being able to make it.

We all - including me - said he was wrong to insult her. I went a bit further and suggested she had known him long enough to know what he was like and should not respond to him. Again, the story changed.
Wrong. The story did not change, I simply took the time to reiterate points that you either hadnt bothered to read, or if you had read them, you didnt understand them.

If they cannot go together, best not to even discuss it between them. Just make separate arrangements with the school.
We have. He gets his own updates and information but doesnt want to actually shift his arse and do anything, but uses the information THE SCHOOL gives him to try and slag me off. He instigated the conversation, not me. But I will absolutely NOT take being called a bad mother by a piece of fucking shit like him.

our posts are worth nothing anyway.
Well yours definitely are worth nothing.

Oh and as all inhibitions are off and I can swear with impunity.....please take your fucking pointless self important bullshit and annoy the cunting hell out of someone else.

Share and enjoy.

Love it.

I misread the 'WOULDN'T for couldn't.

I see now that I was too kind. You refused to attend the child's meet teacher evening because you didn't think it was worth going, as you were only going to be told what you knew already, that your DD was doing well.

I can see why that would upset her father. He was wrong to use bad language and call you a bad mother. He should have known that would upset you, but why would you tell him you had no intention of going because it wasn't worth it, then bawled him out because he wasn't going either.

It is either worth it or it isn't. I am sorry if you don't like my posts. I have little to no experience of posts with so many expletives in them. I have managed without them so far. I hope you only write them down and don't allow your six children to use them. They may have to live in a different world where such language is frowned on.

I wish you well on your journey through life. I hope you are able to find a new partner who will treat you better than the first two.

I hope you have a chance to read this before you bin it.

You are sure deep down you are right?

You have a 'but' ? Were you inviting comments because you are not sure? Is that why posters who look at it another way get short shrift?

If you know you are right deep down, why did you invite comments in the first place, comments that have been received by you with some very biting remarks.

Well @llizzie you managed to make a liar of me, as I said that I wouldnt respond again.

But swearing has always been ok in my home as long as they follow the three rules......understand what you are saying, saying it in context and it must be grammatically correct.

Given that my five officially grown up kids swear and are doing very well, I am fine with that. So on that basis I will carry on fucking swearing.

I googled MD because I wasn't sure what it was. I had an idea, but wanted to be right. I have copied and posted it below:

Neurodivergent (ND) describes individuals with brains that are structured differently due to a natural variation in brain development and function. Neurodivergence includes autistic people and those with ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, developmental language disorder (DLD) and Tourette syndrome.

I am very sorry your daughter has this problem. I can understand why she doesn't want to attend, but I cannot understand why you don't want to.

Can someone else tell her? I am done.

I whole heartedly agree with you he just wants to be a knob and thinks it’s your job to do all the parents evenings and it’s his job to berate you for not going to one but thinks him not going is absolutely fine. I can see why he’s an ex I imagine this was his attitude towards you and the kids when you were married. You’ve discussed it with your DD she’s fine with you not going it’s as boring for her as it is for you and you already know how well she’s doing you don’t need to sit there all night to be told the same thing by all of her teachers if it’s that important to him then he can take himself down there and listen to the teachers for the first time in his life. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out who the shit parent is.

Ok at this point I know you're on the wind up now. Ignore them OP.

If you are not a 'cowed victim' as you say, why accuse me of victim bashing when I advised you not to respond to his messages?

I am sorry I made a typing error. It was ND not MD. I really must get a new keyboard. I would have done before, but when someone else went to use it they didn't know where the letters were so I kept it for security.

I have a lot of sympathy and understanding for disabled children. I was chairman of the governors of more than one special school.

Why blame me? The OP told us her DD has ND.

I wasn't familiar with the initials shortening the illness. I wanted to understand a bit more.

If the OP did not want us to know that her daughter has ND, why tell us?

We live in the world and have to survive. Survival depends on knowing why people do the things they do.

I am sorry if no one believes that enough to follow it, but don't dismiss it.

Thank you all for your responses, with one notable exception!

I will not be going. DD and I had another conversation about it and she confirmed that she really doesnt want to go either. It turns out that she also doesnt want to go the Option Evening, so that is under consideration. Further chats will be had over that one.I am not convinced that we should skip it, if only for appearances sake but if she insists, I will go with what she wants.

As for ex (you know? The question I asked.....) he hasnt responded at all and when I dropped dd off at his today (because of course I do that as he wont drive) he hid behind the door which I think says everything.

Thanks again.

Share and enjoy.

God help us if this labour government gives 16 year olds the vote.

I don’t think you should go, it’s a waste of time, you know what you need to know. I’ll be going to my sons parents evening this year but not going to my daughters, I know she’s doing very well academically and last year that was basically the whole conversation, she’s doing great, keep doing that….

Just give it a rest now