To be irritated about school swimming attire rules 'for girls'?

[BeFairSloth]

DD (10yo) does swimming lessons at school. The rules are that girls must wear a one piece swimming costume and we have of course adhered to the rules and purchased one specifically for these lessons.

DD is starting to get to the age where she's a bit more self-conscious of her own body and at home, prefers a tankini which has short-like bottoms and a full length tight (i.e. not flapping about everywhere) top. We encourage body confidence where we can, but I also want her to feel comfortable and confident in what she wears. I therefore asked whether her preferred tankini would be acceptable for lessons and was told no, girls must wear a one-piece.

On the other hand the boys all wear swim shorts and a few of them wear swim shorts with swim tops - the UV type ones.

I assume they're worried about a 'slippery slope' or girls starting to wear bikinis if they allow a full coverage tankini, but what is offensive about a girl's belly button, when most of the boys have their belly buttons out and some of them are even wearing two pieces?

I realise this is a small problem in the grand scheme of things, but it has left me (quietly, in my own home) quite irritated at the double standards. AIBU?

This is such an aggressive reaction, the OP hasn't even clarified who told her the 'rule' and sounds like she hasn't had a chat with the teacher about it?
I don't think the OP needs to threaten to engage a lawyer quite yet.
If the child asked her teacher if she could wear a tankini and was told no, the teacher is almost certainly thinks it's the type of tankini we all are familiar with.
As always, a bit more communication required. Parents get so defensive and jump to threats so readily before knowing the full story.

Normally is a pool rule(or that has been the case in all the schools I worked in). Same with swimming hats.

I just find it odd that, in the case of my DD, she can have two sets of swimming lessons at the same pool and that same pool has different rules for those lessons 😂

It's not odd. Pool has rules, school has stricter rules, it's very simple

I would look for one piece swimming suits with legs, i.e. look like shorts. The school probably wants to avoid arguments about bikinis in swimming lessons.

Heaven forbid the school should be allowed to have rules. I’m sure your daughter can - like everyone else suck it up. Or is it a you problem because you think you should be making the rules?

This is honestly not worth getting in a fuss about. Girls have worn one piece costumes for school swimming forever and thank goodness.

I don’t think it’s double standards really. Girls grow breasts. Boys don’t. So it isn’t a double standard.

I imagine they want zero risk of a tankini top riding up or being pulled up. Don’t think this doesn’t happen - I have a friend whose dd was touched on the breasts by a boy in a swimming lesson.

Your concerns about the lower part of the costume are easily addressed by buying a costume with short legs on it.

It’s when both sets of rules are the pool rules…as I said. The rules are set by the pool in both instances.

@Ohapal breasts aren't genitals and theres nothing more sexual about a girls navel than a boys

Daughter been wearing various versions of this from Decathlon for years.

https://www.decathlon.co.uk/p/girls'-swimming-1-piece-shorty-swimsuit-100-vega-ataa-pink/_/R-p-348081?mc=8852070&c=steel%20blue

You do realise that male/female anatomy differs & the majority of women prefer NOT to go topless?

Male and female anatomy does differ of course I realise that. I don't think any woman should be forced to go topless in the same way I wouldn't force a man to go topless.

At the end of the day, we should all have the freedom to cover ourselves in the way we wish to. However, if a school puts a uniform in place, it’s generally there for a reason. We were at a big (highly competitive) swim gala this week & every boy was wearing shorts & every girl was in a swimsuit (some in tri suits). Is this purely the cultural norm, or are our children deeply unhappy with the attire we put them in for swimming?

@PodgePie I do see where you're coming from and can see why the school creates concrete rules and in general I support schools doing that. I do however see a lot of double standards in uniform that isn't there for a reason - girls not being allowed to wear trousers for instance. I think there needs to be less gendered norms full stop really.

Sounds like you are in Australia- I think OP is in the U.K. where out door pools are very much a rarity

Most good quality rash vests have a loop which can be attached to the chord on your swim shorts so the top cannot ride up .
Agree it’s annoying to have to buy a new swimsuit just for swimming lessons.
If you find your daughter is uncomfortable conforming to the rules then I would write to the school requesting a review- I am sure if you had a few muslin girls at the school they would be falling all over themselves to involve parents in swimming attire policy

Wear the tankini underneath the one piece. Might look stupid but technically doesn't break their rules.

What’s the point of that?

school won’t care as she’s still wearing a one piece. If it’s some sort of protest it’s a very ineffective one.

Exactly this!

Total double standards it is ridiculous they can still enforce this in this day and age. If boys can wear a 2 piece then girls should be able to as well.
At my kids school the girls can wear sandals in the summer but the boys can’t, this annoys me too.

Often with clothing rules like this, someone gets put in charge of them who doesn't really know quite what to do. And they are usually also trying to make it simple. SO I think you are right, they may not want to get into an argument about what' s a tankini vs a bikini.

But they may well be open to revamping the rules if you can suggest a good reason - I like tankini because it is easier for the toilet, for example. And I think you really up your chances if you can give an idea what a better policy might be, something that meets the needs of most students but is easy for the school to manage.

So if I were you I'd do a bit of research on other codes for swimwear at schools and when you have some ideas, get in touch with the school about potentially revamping the policy.

Swim dresses are nice but they’re also probably against the rules

Technically they're a one piece, but the extra material is not helpful or streamlined for kids learning to swim.

If that's a rule imposed by the school.

In my experience (at least in my area) it tends to be the pools that set the rules. They send an email with dates and times booked for lessons alongside the equipment necessary and clothing rules. It's also the swimming instructors that enforce them, like asking boys to remove underwear from under their shorts or prohibiting swimming without a hat (for repeat offenders). We haven't had any issues with them commenting on girls wearing extra coverage two pieces,either because they didn't notice/care as it wasn't a bikini/tankini or because they got information regarding reasonable adjustments.