To be irritated about school swimming attire rules 'for girls'?

[BeFairSloth]

DD (10yo) does swimming lessons at school. The rules are that girls must wear a one piece swimming costume and we have of course adhered to the rules and purchased one specifically for these lessons.

DD is starting to get to the age where she's a bit more self-conscious of her own body and at home, prefers a tankini which has short-like bottoms and a full length tight (i.e. not flapping about everywhere) top. We encourage body confidence where we can, but I also want her to feel comfortable and confident in what she wears. I therefore asked whether her preferred tankini would be acceptable for lessons and was told no, girls must wear a one-piece.

On the other hand the boys all wear swim shorts and a few of them wear swim shorts with swim tops - the UV type ones.

I assume they're worried about a 'slippery slope' or girls starting to wear bikinis if they allow a full coverage tankini, but what is offensive about a girl's belly button, when most of the boys have their belly buttons out and some of them are even wearing two pieces?

I realise this is a small problem in the grand scheme of things, but it has left me (quietly, in my own home) quite irritated at the double standards. AIBU?

Well she already owns the tankini and last I checked they don't give out swimsuits for free.

...and OP has only posted twice, it might be she didn't know about the one piece buy leg cut suits before.
She's not making a big argument about it.

I do. But I realise that’s not a popular opinion…

I hate all these rules and think that parents and teachers make too many assumptions and all of this is taken too seriously.
I'd have her wear the tankini and let the school know and make sure they know the coverage is the same as with boys instructons.

Book an appointment at the school and take notes. State the facts:

It's not a swimming pool rule so it's a school rule.

Can the school explain why the rule is in place, because you will be looking to engage a lawyer because you think it's discrimination because she wants to wear a two-piece, same as the boys, and you don't understand why the school wont allow that therefore you'd like the full facts before you proceed.

Then stay as quiet as you can, don't challenge, and ask follow up questions to clarify whilst making notes. I think they'll back down once they realise the reasoning doesn't stand up and that they may have to defend it publicly.

It should definitely be more flexible. I remember hating swimming at that age for this reason! I imagine the school will be worried it turns into a fashion show but with some very prescriptive rules and pictures of what is acceptable, it would be fine.

Student council could raise it. We listen to lots of suggestions from our students, within reason!

For God sake. A lawyer!? Come on. It isn’t schools vs parents.

The rules are there for a reason. The teachers are supervising 30 kids, one rule for allowed swimwear makes that easier and they can concentrate on teaching and keeping the kids safe. It removes the need to supervise issues/complaints when one kid is allowed a tankini which has a 1cm gap and another complains theirs is the same with a bigger gap. It removes issues such as tankini riding up. It removes issues with kids who might make the gap bigger to look cool (same as the kids who roll up their school skirts).

It is not about each individual child, follow the group rules and if it is because she wants a shorts style get a shorts style one piece. A tankini may be more convenient for the loo, but the reasons for a one piece out weight that.

It is though because schools are regulating what a parent will allow their child to wear in a public space, that doesn't breach the dress code of the public space. I expect the threat and negative publicity from the press will enough for them to think critically about the public perception: that the school cannot find a reason to prohibit a swim top and bottoms for girls of they are allowing it for boys. Any reasoning is likely to be around "modesty", the inference being that girls need to dress in a way that won't overexcite boys. These are children and people don't take well to children being sexualised.

The other side of the coin is that those same kids could go to the pool at the weekend in the same clothes with no issue. The school are inserting themselves for no good reason and they don't have the right to do so. It's nothing to do with easier changing, it's treating someone differently based on their sex which is literally one of the characteristics that the Equality Act is there to protect against. Lawyers are there to protect your rights. So yeah, totally reasonable to engage one if the school are going to break the law.

This was my thought.

Who did you ask? Your daughter or the school?
I wouldn't even use the phrase 'tankini' if talking to the school about it, say shorts and swim t-shirt or whatever and have a pic (off a shopping website) to show what you mean.
I think you'd be fine to just send it in but if you're worried then of course chat to the teacher first.

I reckon she can wear the same as the boys if she wants. Shorts and rash vest. Tankinis aren’t allowed which is what the mum wants her DD to wear.

I think you are creating a problem where there isn’t one. Your daughter can wear a one piece with our without leg coverage. Two pieces are not school uniform.

Can she put the shorts from the tankini set on top of the costume?

Surprised the pool allows the boys to wear swim shorts. Ours said boys had to wear swimming trunks not shorts and were very strict about it.

My 10 year old is doing swimming currently and we have lots of chats about how others or himself may not feel comfortable and to be really understanding of that.

Not a single girl in his class wants to wear a bikini they all want to cover up more. Some have started their period some have obvious breasts starting to grow. They just want to be comfortable. I absolutely agree school need to change up their rules. It doesn't mean they have to say any swimwear at all. But I see so many parents and children having anxiety over well the school have said this one set rule so we have to follow it to the letter. When school could absolutely add on to any information they send home we are very happy to discuss any needed alternative wear for comfort. Or swimwear that is practical and covers the body for comfort e.g no small bikinis. Of which no 10 year old girls I know want to wear anyway.

There is so much more freedom in life and the workplace than there is in school I find it bizarre. I even think school shoes have become outdated and a unnecessary expense for parents. Let them all go in trainers.

If there is no gap then let her wear it, unlikely anyone will notice or care.
The rules are to prevent bikini wearing

But the boys don't set the standards. The boys could wear tankinis too. The overarching feature is that both are two piece swimwear.

Can't you get one piece shorts ones ?

Woukd She be comfortable in the boys attire? Surely the school can’t allows swim shorts and swim Tshirt? Or a combination perhaps. Well covering swimsuit with added swim shorts or swim tshirt?

Is there a difference..? I just googled trunks and they are… all swim shorts. They aren’t mandating speedos, just saying they have to be proper swim attire, as opposed to a pair of regular shorts?

Trunks tend to be form fitting, whereas swim shorts tend to be looser and flap around more.

When my eldest took school swimming lessons both sexes had to wear rash vests so you could wear a bikini or one piece but a rash vest would be worn over the top.

There are two different kind of swim shorts/trunks:

• baggies - which are not suitable for actually swimming in (very draggy and clingy)
• jammers - long skintight shorts which all competitive (male) swimmer wear, they are the male equivalent of kneeskins.

Is it a school rule or the pool rule? The pool my DD does her usual swimming lessons in is the same one she did school lessons in but bizarrely the pool has far stricter rules when it’s school lessons and I think a one piece is part of those rules.