Ex’s wife has died

[CrispyDosa]

Just that my ex’s wife died very suddenly yesterday.

I don’t know what to think or do.

Husband was constantly unfaithful but she was not the other woman but she made my daughter’s relationship with her father very difficult. Obviously he was culpable too.

My ex in-laws found her very intrusive.

I want to drive to the house and see him but don’t know how I will be greeted. I don’t care for myself but wouldn’t want to upset him or her kids.

it obviously isn’t about me or even my daughter but I am completely numb and don’t know what to do.

What would you do?

Sorry but i feel like this is overstepping regardless of dynamics, i certainly would be turning in my grave at my partners ex consoling him.

The op hasn't posted since 4th March and had already decided she wasn't going to get involved. It was just her first reaction, no doubt she regrets posting it :-). She has let it go, so must we.

I am still here but kind of gave up posting. Ex came to see me on Friday morning. Strangely enough we were both able to resist jumping each other’s bones.

He absolutely wouldn’t have minded me going round as he does know me unlike most of mumsnet who thought I wanted to gloat and be a ‘grief snatcher’.

It is an absolute tragedy that she has died, she was 54 with two teenagers. She didn’t so much stop my daughter seeing her father but she couldn’t see him alone. She tried to impose on my ex in-laws. She was very pushy.

My daughter did not wish to have a relationship with her children and the girl was often rude to my daughter.

Mumsnet will attack me again and suggest I am making it all about me but I have thought a lot over the week about how it was now going to be between DD and her father as he would obviously have his step kids all the time.

However, the girl wants to go back to The States with her grandmother but the older boy wants to stay in London but apparently this will be reviewed in 18 months. The boy was always less of an issue with DD. I hope it will be a new beginning for their relationship.

There won’t be a funeraL.

Ex offered to collect DD from an afterschool club on Tuesday and have a pizza and she seems content enough.

Thanks for the update, CrispyDosa.

I hope the relationship improves between your daughter and her dad, it sounds promising.

Yes it was a terrible tragedy, especially for the woman's children.

I do hope your dd can begin to repair the relationship with her dad.

Where's the stepdc's df? I see that the dd wants to go to the US with dgm but how sad there is only a stepdad as the other option, surely they've got other family here?

The parentage of the children was never discussed. Ex’s mother was always rebuffed when she asked. My daughter asked her daughter about their dad and the response was that her Mom was her only parent.

It now appears that the girl was doner conceived but the boy has a father and they were in touch by actual letter i.e. actual post.

The boy who is 15, is desperate to stay in London and finish exams and go to university here but the plan was always Masters over there. I also get a feeling that he likes my ex and I do know that they play squash together and watch cricket. He was always less problematic to my daughter in terms of his personality.

Within two days of the death the brother and cousin who lives in London, wanted to talk to my ex about practicalities etc but he still doesn’t have the head space.

I am sure the posters who think I wanted to use this tragedy have a quick shag or to get back with my ex, who was a serial cheat, albeit it a very generous one won’t believe me but both my daughter and I have said we genuinely hope her children can go on and have happy lives after the devastation of losing their mother.

I do also think it will also be a turning point for my daughter’s relationship with her father.

I really feel for those two teenagers.
Loosing your mum is hard enough. Not having a father around or even that much family (if the grandmother is in the USA) is not going to make it easier for them.

So the plan is for your ex to raise his stepchildren then?

There will be adjustments to do. But maybe they’ll find a way to connect/see each other that will work for everyone.

LionME

The girl will return with her family to The States and the boy will stay with Ex certainly through ‘A’ Levels .

Be careful, think before you do anything, personal I would send a message or card, and leave it at that .