To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

[BoldBrickDreamer]

I was recently given feedback that my work emails should be more “flowery” and “softer.” Apparently, I come across as too direct, even though I’m always polite and professional.

I don’t see the issue - why should I have to add unnecessary fluff just to get my point across? Surely being clear and to the point is more efficient?

AIBU to think this is just another way of policing how people (especially women) communicate in the workplace? Or is there actually value in making emails sound a bit more “gentle?”

100% they do and have. Stop making this a sexist thing. Cold is cold.

This nails it!

Though at least the competent but chilly (bordering on uncivil) types leave the promotion pathway clear for those of us who can manage to be both competent and build relationships!

Seems that some organisations are looking for a house style for emails now

You can be polite and professional but maybe the complete directness is coming across as rude. I would ask for examples and maybe speak to colleagues for feedback, maybe your manager has received complaints.

Just stick a couple of passive aggressive smileys in and be done with it.

I get where you’re coming from, I prefer a much more direct but polite email, but it seems my colleagues don’t. We’ve had some training recently by resurgo and I’ve found my colleagues prefer the ‘hope you’re well / did you have a good weekend / how’s your dog” kind of email, so often I’ll draft and go back and add pleasantries if I’m talking to those specific people. I draw the line at x’s though! I don’t love them, I don’t socialise with them (we all work remotely and hours apart) but I do respect them. Shame they don’t do the same when communicating with me 😜

If it's too direct it can affect staff morale

I’ve been told this too so I changed my bullet points to teeny tiny flowers

Really interesting discussion. I think it depends a lot on the sector. I work in academia and neither the short and to the point emails on this thread nor the delightful marshmallow email would hit the mark. There is an expectation that emails will give a little flavour of your personality/add to the relationship in some way. I think this is because we do so much business by email, much more than we do face-to-face.

The poll is not very useful - ‘flowery’ is not commonly understood.

I am autistic. I write brief and to the point emails.
Then I go back to the top and add in the fluff/flowery bit "Hope you had a good weekend!" or "Was event x good?" showing I view them as human and that I care for their welfare and value our working relationship. I know I don't need this but they do.
I check I've put "please" .
Then I bold the main point to my email just to keep myself sane!
You have to accept that most people are rubbish at doing concise emails or sticking to the 1 subject per email rule etc etc.

What is interesting to me is that there is an inverse correlation between “floweriness” and seniority in email etiquette.

People in more junior positions and support roles are encouraged to put a premium on this exaggerated sense of “kindness” and politeness while senior leaders tend to write much more efficiently.

I worked briefly for the CEO of a public company with a billion dollar plus market capitalization who routinely responded to emails with a single word.

And I agree that there is something gendered about it. Women who are direct are punished in a way that doesn’t happen to men.

I do think it’s important to be human in email communication and coming across as bossy, arrogant or unkind is an own goal: it just makes you look like a dick.

But I also steer clear of unecessary fake friendliness in emails: phrases like “I hope this email finds you well” make people sound insincere and very junior to me.

There is a balance but over flowery emails are a turn off.

Tbh I don’t like that either, unless it’s asked by a friend who really wants to know.

Mark Twain said he had sent a long letter as he didn't have time to write a short one. Being concise but accurate is a virtue as long as you are polite. I often edit my work to make more concise.

Women shouldn't be asked to write flowery or softer communications. Polite and courteous is enough. In my organisation I've only ever come across this agonised, emotive please would you just when you have time super thankyou style from certain women, it's not respected or effective. But those writers are more likely to disapprove of women who don't do the same. Men and bosses are direct and are not told to be more flowery.

🤣👏

I agree with this summation 💯

From what you've said, your written comms sound absolutely fine to me. You obviously recognise the need to adapt style to audience and only this one senior colleague seems to have a problem with it.

On that basis, I'd ignore the unsolicited feedback. Frankly, the fact that she's not made it clear exactly what she means says a lot more about her communication style than yours.

This!

My first thought was 'they wouldn't ask a man to be more flowery.'

@SpunkyKoala This would be me if I had been told by a boss to be more flowery in my correspondance.

That's hilarious - everyone must have thought you were a right card.

This thread reminds me of The Cooper Review's wonderful Non Threatening Leadership Strategies for Women...

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/S/aplus-media-library-service-media/e8c83cb5-0d62-4979-bcba-9241a0165d8c.CR0,0,970,600PT0SX970V1.jpg

I'm with the OP. It's ridiculous to be asked to make an email which is polite and to the point more "flowery." How does anyone get anything done if they're worrying about this kind of thing, and who can be bothered reading it? I'm an accountant and I find that if I write an email with a list of queries in bullet points, clients will often only respond to one question and ignore/miss others. If it was "flowery" they likely would not read it at all.
I'll get flamed for this, but I would guess the person requesting more flowery language is a snowflake.

‘Flowery’ may have been an unfortunate word to use. But it seems your emails are coming across as curt and demanding. Fix it.

Has a man ever been asked to make his emails more flowery?