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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallen out with DP over comment made at Sunday lunch

182 replies

PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 20:29

Opinions welcome as DP is adamant I am over-reacting. We went for a roast yesterday with a group of other couples (my friends and their OH’s). I have been going to the gym regularly since January and my friends complimented me on some changes in my figure. DP announced ‘the only problem is that with all the protein shakes, her farts take the paint off the walls’. Hardly anyone reacted and it went really awkward.

We had an argument about this when we arrived home and DP maintains I should lighten up. I feel like he embarrassed me for no reason and should apologise.

OP posts:
ohyesido · 03/03/2025 20:30

That's very crass and reflects badly on him.

UndermyShoeJoe · 03/03/2025 20:31

And are these friends you would normally be able to have a laugh with?

I think that’s the clincher here. Did he share a joke with a group where this wouldn’t be pearly clutching if it was about anyone but you?

Quinlan · 03/03/2025 20:31

That was just nasty and not funny. Does he often try to bring you down when others compliment you? Has he complicated you at all on the fitter figure you have?
It just isn’t a very nice thing to say and isn’t funny; it was purely to embarrass you. That’s what would annoy me. That he simply wanted to embarrass you after someone paid you a compliment. It’s like a childish style of jealousy.

Original poster
PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 20:32

He knows the friends to differing levels - a couple of them we see once a month, whilst some it’s more twice a year we ever get together.

OP posts:
ArabellaWeird · 03/03/2025 20:32

He was taking you down a peg.

Original poster
PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 20:32

Quinlan · 03/03/2025 20:31

That was just nasty and not funny. Does he often try to bring you down when others compliment you? Has he complicated you at all on the fitter figure you have?
It just isn’t a very nice thing to say and isn’t funny; it was purely to embarrass you. That’s what would annoy me. That he simply wanted to embarrass you after someone paid you a compliment. It’s like a childish style of jealousy.

He is a bit fed up with how strict I’ve been with food - but I’m going all in and trying to stick with the routine for as long as possible.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 03/03/2025 20:33

Who says that? At best he completely misread the room and is socialy inept and at worst he deliberately tried to embarrass you and downplay your success.

CheekyHobson · 03/03/2025 20:34

ArabellaWeird · 03/03/2025 20:32

He was taking you down a peg.

This. Does he typically try to take the shine off your achievements, or make your special days less about you?

Original poster
PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 20:35

CheekyHobson · 03/03/2025 20:34

This. Does he typically try to take the shine off your achievements, or make your special days less about you?

Show quote history

Not really, he says I’m being prudish and should stop being so highly strung.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 03/03/2025 20:35

Needs context

Was it just a random comment?
Was it said during a conversation that was meant to be funny but fell flat?

Ratisshortforratthew · 03/03/2025 20:35

This is the kind of thing my partner and I would say and I’d have found it funny. So would my friends. You and they sound humorless and uptight to me

SabbatWheel · 03/03/2025 20:35

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TomatoSandwiches · 03/03/2025 20:35

No he needs to apologise.

Darkdiamond · 03/03/2025 20:36

I'd feel very humiliated by that.
Also, if someone tells you that you've upset them, you don't tell them to lighten up. You take their word for it and apologise.

CheekyHobson · 03/03/2025 20:36

PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 20:35

Not really, he says I’m being prudish and should stop being so highly strung.

Show quote history

Does he often invalidate your feelings?

Cattreesea · 03/03/2025 20:37

'@ArabellaWeird
He was taking you down a peg.'

Agreed.

He should be supportive of you wanting to lose weight and praise your achievements.

Instead he chose to put you down and embarrass himself in front of your friends.

Wakeywake · 03/03/2025 20:37

He's not embarrassed you, he's embarrassed himself and shown himself to be coarse and rude.

Thirteenblackcat · 03/03/2025 20:37

Some people would find this funny, obviously the wrong audience

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 03/03/2025 20:37

Not nice. What he should have said was something along the lines of “yeah, she looks great doesn’t she, she’s really proud of all the effort she’s put in and rightly so”

Darkdiamond · 03/03/2025 20:39

This reply has been deleted

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No, some people don't like discussing their bodily functions. There are many valid reasons why and nobody should be forced to find something funny just because other people do. It's so reductive to accuse someone of having a poker up their arse because they don't like other people mentioning their private moments in front of people they dont want to discuss their farts with.

Somanylemons · 03/03/2025 20:39

This wouldn’t bother me with my actual friends - it would be taken as a joke which may or may not be based on truth.

But if it were say - colleagues or a new neighbour I wouldn’t like it.

Assume in his friendship circles this would have been funny and he read the room wrong.

Loopytiles · 03/03/2025 20:40

Not ‘humourless’ to dislike or be hurt by toilet ‘humour’ at one’s expense & when with friends for lunch

wheretoyougonow · 03/03/2025 20:41

Unless there is a backstory where he consistently puts you down, this sounds like a misplaced comment/joke.
Not worthy really of being annoyed 24 hours later. Let it go. Literally- Dutch oven him asap 😂

IchiNiSanShiGo · 03/03/2025 20:41

Ok, so if that was a comment made amongst my 2 closest mates and their DH’s we’d have all howled with laughter, taken the p out of someone else , and moved on. We see each other twice a year if we’re lucky, but we’d all love to meet up more often.

I think you know the level of your friendships. You know what your DHs intent was, and you know how you feel about it.

On the info you ve given, I don’t think there’s any malice in his comment, he was trying to be funny and it fell flat. Not the end of the world.

28Fluctuations · 03/03/2025 20:42

Aww. He's taking you down a peg and then doing the classic 'it was just a joke - why can't you take a joke?" reversal - see the problem is you!

Except it's not. The problem is totally him.