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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallen out with DP over comment made at Sunday lunch

182 replies

PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 20:29

Opinions welcome as DP is adamant I am over-reacting. We went for a roast yesterday with a group of other couples (my friends and their OH’s). I have been going to the gym regularly since January and my friends complimented me on some changes in my figure. DP announced ‘the only problem is that with all the protein shakes, her farts take the paint off the walls’. Hardly anyone reacted and it went really awkward.

We had an argument about this when we arrived home and DP maintains I should lighten up. I feel like he embarrassed me for no reason and should apologise.

OP posts:
Lokioh35 · 03/03/2025 21:10

Who speaks like that when out at a social event? Talking about farts is for 5 yr olds

ughhh

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 03/03/2025 21:11

I love a bit of banter but this would have humiliated me

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 03/03/2025 21:13

ArabellaWeird · 03/03/2025 20:32

He was taking you down a peg.

It's this, and it is utterly pathetic.

OneFineDay22 · 03/03/2025 21:16

My husband has a crude sense of humour and I am pretty thick skinned - it takes a lot to embarrass me (otherwise I guess I couldn’t be with him lol). Anyway over the years, once or twice he has managed to actually upset me with this kind of thing. Since this wasn’t his intention, he apologised. If he didn’t mean to hurt you or embarrass you, surely that’s what he would do.

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 03/03/2025 21:21

I think it’s funny and our friends would have laughed. But the fact that you didn’t laugh makes me think it maybe wasn’t about the joke but about something deeper - perhaps the joke hurt because you feel like he isn’t appreciating your efforts, or seeing your beauty, maybe a lack of effort and spark on his part? Has he privately or publicly acknowledged your new figure? Maybe that’s the issue rather than whether joke was appropriate.

ARO0607 · 03/03/2025 21:24

Personally, I’d have taken that as a joke. It probably felt more like an attack because nobody laughed!

ERthree · 03/03/2025 21:25

The green eyed monster, he is that jealous of you he just has to make you a laughing stock. Make your plan.

LBFseBrom · 03/03/2025 21:27

What a vulgar remark! He needs to learn to control his tongue, think before speaking and assess his audience. How old is your husband?

Original poster
PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 21:28

LBFseBrom · 03/03/2025 21:27

What a vulgar remark! He needs to learn to control his tongue, think before speaking and assess his audience. How old is your husband?

He’s late 40’s.

*not married

OP posts:
MumWifeOther · 03/03/2025 21:29

PopkinsBear · 03/03/2025 20:29

Opinions welcome as DP is adamant I am over-reacting. We went for a roast yesterday with a group of other couples (my friends and their OH’s). I have been going to the gym regularly since January and my friends complimented me on some changes in my figure. DP announced ‘the only problem is that with all the protein shakes, her farts take the paint off the walls’. Hardly anyone reacted and it went really awkward.

We had an argument about this when we arrived home and DP maintains I should lighten up. I feel like he embarrassed me for no reason and should apologise.

I think you’re over reacting

MrsWaltonGoggins · 03/03/2025 21:30

I would have found this funny and so would my friends.

sprigatito · 03/03/2025 21:30

I agree with @Goodadvice1980 and don't think it's a leap at all. He instinctively dislikes you being built up and complimented, so he said something sly and nasty to burst your bubble. A LOT of men do this. It's horrible.

DingDingRound3 · 03/03/2025 21:33

I'd snigger but think it was rather vulgar... which I can be. No biggie

crockofshite · 03/03/2025 21:36

It sounds like he's a general bore. If they liked him they probably would have tittered a bit, but the fact they all tumble weeded shows they don't rate him.

Gettingbysomehow · 03/03/2025 21:36

What a disgusting and vulgar thing to say. Does he know how to behave in public?

saraclara · 03/03/2025 21:37

I thought I was relatively prudish, but it turns out I'm not! I've never made a fart joke, and nor did my late DH. But plenty of people do find them funny, and you'd have to live under a rock not to realise that it's not a terrible thing to do.

I'm amazed at how horrified some posters are at the very idea!

xteac · 03/03/2025 21:37

It's different people's perception of funny. Sounds like he's misread the room.
He'd be better off swallowing his pride and apologising for having upset you in front of friends though.

Ihopeithinkiknow · 03/03/2025 21:38

Glad to see that nobody is overreacting about it in some of the replies lol.

pizzaHeart · 03/03/2025 21:39

Quinlan · 03/03/2025 20:31

That was just nasty and not funny. Does he often try to bring you down when others compliment you? Has he complicated you at all on the fitter figure you have?
It just isn’t a very nice thing to say and isn’t funny; it was purely to embarrass you. That’s what would annoy me. That he simply wanted to embarrass you after someone paid you a compliment. It’s like a childish style of jealousy.

I agree with this ^
tbh after this sort of joke I wouldn’t be able to see DH again.

3Sheetstothewind · 03/03/2025 21:40

If you can't be yourselves amongst friends then when can you be?........

Tumblingthrough · 03/03/2025 21:41

If it’s any consolation OP
If I was one of the friends at that lunch, it would be him I would be judging and not you.

Onlyvisiting · 03/03/2025 21:41

That's rank.
I'm not a fan of toilet humour of any kind, I'm not a prude, I just don't find it funny. Amongst close family and friends or something that normally share that kind of joke I'd find it tasteless. But amongst a group of people he doesn't know well and in the situation you described it is at best just a childish and gross sense of humour, but at worst it was him deliberately being negative about your diet/ weight loss and is just really unkind.

Starlight7080 · 03/03/2025 21:42

It's sad he is so insecure that when you had compliments he had to put a stop to that nice moment . And turn it into something negative.
A good husband would be proud and show support

3Sheetstothewind · 03/03/2025 21:42

But then I'm the mum who tells my DD to "pull my finger"...........😁

LouH1981 · 03/03/2025 21:42

Ratisshortforratthew · 03/03/2025 20:35

This is the kind of thing my partner and I would say and I’d have found it funny. So would my friends. You and they sound humorless and uptight to me

I was thinking the same. My DH would say something like this and I wouldn’t care. Not sure what that says about me 🙈