Fallen out with DP over comment made at Sunday lunch

[PopkinsBear]

Opinions welcome as DP is adamant I am over-reacting. We went for a roast yesterday with a group of other couples (my friends and their OH’s). I have been going to the gym regularly since January and my friends complimented me on some changes in my figure. DP announced ‘the only problem is that with all the protein shakes, her farts take the paint off the walls’. Hardly anyone reacted and it went really awkward.

We had an argument about this when we arrived home and DP maintains I should lighten up. I feel like he embarrassed me for no reason and should apologise.

Another poster said he obviously didn't 'read the room', and i think that is spot on in this case. They are mainly the op's friends. He certainly misjudged but telling her she is 'prudish' and not apologising for what was an extremely immature and inappropriate remark is not good.

It's toilet humour, childish at worst.
Tbh DH eats a lot of protein and has protein shakes for the gym. His flatulence reeks.
It's not the kind of joke that I'd find hilarious but it also wouldn't be the cause of a falling out.

Sorry but I think what he said is hilarious 🤣 you sound uptight & no craic

It’s not really about the comment itself - some people would find it funny, some people would be offended. It’s how he reacted when you told him you were unhappy about it - with the classic bully “you just don’t have a sense of humour” line. That’s what’s offensive here.

But she is being herself, and that type of humour is not her style.

It's not mine, either. I'd hate it,

Well I don’t. He sounds like a pig.

Really? Says more about you.

Does he often bully you?

I know you’re not looking for advice on this but if you switch from whey protein shakes to whey protein isolate shakes it will probably help! Has less lactose to digest (Or vegan protein)

That's hilarious. You can't laugh at this with your mates?

Trying to stay on a positive side here, first when I read your post I thought omg what a terrible comment, but then remembered I have a couple of very close friends that are married and one of them (either husband or wife) is known for always making some immature/inappropriate jokes either to their other half or close friends, but it’s just their MO and those are very loving couples and the person making a joke does not have a bad intention. I would laugh it off in such circumstances, knowing full well that it wasn’t meant to be anything but a good laugh, as a friend atm, as a wife I have no idea how I would react as my DH is very introvert so could mot imagine him going into that much detail, which does not make him a better person, just shy

That’s interesting.
I take vegan shakes and don’t fart

It's not funny. It's vulgar and puerile. I wouldn't have laughed and would be embarrassed on your husband's behalf that he's so crass.

Ridiculous, OTT reaction from you and your sourpuss mates.

Hell I've been dieting and all the extra green veg has resulted in eye watering farts I've had most my workplace cracking jokes over it. I've just laughed. There isn't much I can do about farting away, if the poor souls caught in the backdraft want to joke about it then so be it.

Your DP is NBU for disliking your smelly farts.

my friends complimented me on some changes in my figure. DP announced ‘the only problem is that with all the protein shakes, her farts take the paint off the walls’…. I feel like he embarrassed me for no reason
It wasnt for no reason. It was because you were being complimented. He wanted to out you back in your place.

Right, so you're all adults, you all know protein farts fucking reek, and he's made a joke about it that didn't land.

What's the issue?

What an idiot. Him not you. So crass vulgar rude but above all unnecessary.

To be fair the protein farts are awful

You just have a different sense of humor and your husband knows that, and that's fine.

If this had happened to me I would have literally cried from embarrassment. I'm no prude, but I think jokes like that are meanspirited.

If the OP's partner knew she wouldn't like it, he shouldn't have made the joke. If her sense of humor normally runs that way and he just misjudged then he should apologize.

I suppose it depends on your sense of humour. What he said was quite c/rude, but it made me laugh my head off.

I think any man would know that a woman doesn't want him to say this in front of their friends, even if he thought toilet, laddish humour was amusing.

If it really was a thoughtless comment, it'll be an isolated incident, but if he's trying to humiliate you because he feels insecure, I suspect he'll be quiet and controlled for a while, but then will make some kind of other unpleasant or snide comment sooner or later.

It’s impossible for people to comment without knowing the kind of relationship you have OP. Some people joke about farts, other people don’t, and feel embarrassed about it. I’m one of the latter, but plenty of people aren’t, and would find comments about their farts amusing. Some couples banter each other, some don’t. It would also depend on what your friends were like, whether it was a joke they’d find funny or not.

I think it’s fair enough to tell him you didn’t find it funny, and you’d prefer him to be a bit more respectful in future. But people telling you he’s abusive and you should leave him are way over the top in my opinion.

I'm not sure I would be offended by this and would probably instantly have retorted back with something like "nothing as bad as yours even without protein shakes" then we would have laughed and it would have been a non issue. But me and my DH are like that, super sarcastic always having a laugh. If you're not like that then can see how this would have gone down like a lead balloon

He was negging you because you got positive compliments and he was trying to take you down a peg. Dick move from an asshole.