Fallen out with DP over comment made at Sunday lunch

[PopkinsBear]

Opinions welcome as DP is adamant I am over-reacting. We went for a roast yesterday with a group of other couples (my friends and their OH’s). I have been going to the gym regularly since January and my friends complimented me on some changes in my figure. DP announced ‘the only problem is that with all the protein shakes, her farts take the paint off the walls’. Hardly anyone reacted and it went really awkward.

We had an argument about this when we arrived home and DP maintains I should lighten up. I feel like he embarrassed me for no reason and should apologise.

I would have been embarrassed.

Fine if people make jokes like that about themselves, not fine to make others the butt (!)

Also, not fine for him to decide how sensitive you are or are not allowed to be.

His response should have been ‘I am really sorry. I misjudged because if you said it about me I would have laughed. But you are not me, and I won’t do it again’

The blaming you is as bad, if not worse, than the comment, IMO.

It’s difficult to know how to react.

If you’d said “You’re just jealous” it could have fed him or one of the other friends the line to ask if you’re referring to the farts.

If you’d said “Jealous that I’ve been losing weight?” that could backfire and make YOU look like the arsehole.

Maybe a cringe/pitying expression and a “Read the room Ken”, looking embarassed for and of him, then “Sorry about that,” to the others and change the subject. He’d be left looking the tool he is. Maybe save this for a possible future occurrence.

If you’ve ever lived with someone who consumes protein shakes the farting is horrendous and honestly not something I’d wish on anyone! He made a rude, crude joke but maybe it’s also time to lay off the protein shakes, there’s no need for them whatsoever. Maybe he’s tried to suggest this and it’s fallen on deaf ears.

If he’s generally nice and doesn’t say things to deliberately put you down then YABU. Protein shakes are know to give you terrible wind!

I really hate that kind of vulgarity so I would have been annoyed too. I’ve got a sense of humour but I hate coarse stuff like that. I went out with someonce who used to say, in an argument, “just because you think your shit don’t stink”. Well, I couldn’t be with someone that vulgar so dumped him. You don’t need to dump him for this if it’s a one-off miscalculated joke, but you're right for calling him out on it.

There is no right or wrong reaction. OP felt embarrassed and undermined, who are you to say she is wrong?

I had to look up what Dutch oven is. Very funny 🤣

All of my friends and their partners, without exception, would have laughed at that!! And i would have too, and i would most definitely have got a little joke in, in response too.

you're DH is my kind of people!

Non event in my world. Do you have brothers? I find that women that have not grown up with any brothers are more sensitive to toilet humour, if this was me I would barely notice it being said.

He may have thought that his remark was funny but once he knew that you felt a bit humiliated and embarassed, he should have apologised rather than doubling down. He doesn't sound great tbh.

Oh I do love the assumptions on here. I say stuff like that to my partner frequently and around friends. He does all the cooking and most of the housework and I often refer to him as a pinny-wearing cuck. It’s a joke, it’s our humour. Are his standards low too?

Eh, this wouldn't bother me, but that doesn't mean you're being uptight either.

@thepariscrimefiles yes it seems that DP didn't read the room correctly and now he should apologise.

I think I’d find it funny but that’s just me.

I mean, it wasn't the most intelligent thing to say and I might have asked him later on why he felt the need to share that but other than that, I really couldn't get worked up about it.
Maybe he's fed up with you being prudish and a bore. Who knows?!

I would have been mildly irritated at this. It wouldn’t cause an argument in the car or posting on MN.

You need to mentally unclench on this issue (we already know your anus is a methane factory)

If you’re willing to admit on mumsnet to a world of strangers that your farts are 🤢, then you should be alright with close friends knowing that protein shakes make you extra farty. I’m am 100% sure everyone at that dinner has heard and smelt a fart from you, they know you fart. Everyone farts.

And perhaps instead of knee jerk outrage, listen to your DH and reconsider the protein shakes? It can be bloody annoying living with a partner that deliberately keeps eating something unnecessary that gasses up the house with sulphuric odours- so unattractive. You don’t have to have protein shakes to reach your fitness goals.

Are you usually an all or nothing person? Ever thought being good enough? Alot less stress on you and everyone around you.

Exactly.

He is rude, embarrassed her and when challenged doubles down and insults her further.

He's no prize.
He has just show her exactly what her future would be like with him.

Same here, I have three brothers.

@Ratisshortforratthew

are you 12 years old?
generally no one above that age finds jokes and talking about farts funny

@SummerFeverVenice
@Wishingplenty

ah you’re not like other girls

This

The only thing he should’ve said was “yes, she looks awesome” or something similar. I agree with PP he was putting you down. Sorry 😔

I’m sure we are like other girls. We can’t be the only 2 girls in existence that think alike or the only 2 girls in existence to have brothers.

It seems to be common sense, but maybe not. Women are not a monolith, we are individual humans with a diversity of opinions, interests, goals and outlooks on life, relationships and humour. Saying a woman “is not like other girls” in a derisory fashion is a subtle pressure tactic used to enforce gender conformity within women.

Edit:
And saying ‘what are you 12yrs old?’ Is more of the same pressuring by calling another woman’s opinion childish.

Posting derisory comments about the person is a great strategy to win enemies and lose friends.

If you are secure in your opinion, you should not feel the need to attack posters who have a different opinion. Perhaps today’s affirmation for you should be “I am good enough, my opinion is good enough, and I will not feel threatened by opinions that are not like mine”

I’d be mortified, but my husband would never say such a thing. And I’ve never once farted in front of him.

But the OP clearly does fart in front of her partner, so I guess he thinks it’s funny or OK to mention?

@PopkinsBear wow nobody I know would have done that to me .
If d have got up and left and tbh this is one thingsI’d struggle to move on from
How could you .
He deliberately embarrassed you .
He is jealous and insecure.
Not married I really would end this .